Child Support & Custody Support Group
This community is dedicated to those involved in child support and custody cases. There are a myriad of challenges involved in any case and this is a safe place to talk about what you're going through with others who may be going through the same. Join the group and seek advice, find or provide a listening ear, or just share your feelings in this support group.
Ok. I am new to this site. But I came here to find people who know what i am going through. I am hoping someone can help me. I have 3 children. My two older children are from my first marraige. They are 12 and 9. Two boys. I now have a 3 month old with my bf. We plan to marry soon. :) Well, to get to my issue. My ex husband had a vasectomy when we were married after our youngest was about 6 months old. Now he is remarried to the last person he cheated on me with. She is a year or so younger than him and has no children of her own.
My ex is very lazy and not ambitous at all to do anything that requires work or time.....which is why our marriage did not work. But anyhow, he never fought for our children. He willingly allowed me to have them fulltime. I made the decisions. Everything was fine. We were doing well at co-parenting. But then he married this girl he is with now. She wants a family. To do that he would have to have a reversal. That takes money. He has no job...no health insurance. It would be expensive. Plu he barely wanted the two children we have. I know 100% that he does not want more children.
Well, my ex was always mentally abusive to me. He was raised by his mother who was very controlling. So inurn he was too. Well, now his wife wants a child. And I just had my third child. So, I believe she is a bit jealous.
Ever since I have got pregnant, my ex has taken me back to court. It has happened about 6 times now. He has tried for full custody, and to change visitation and decrease child support. You name it.....he tried for it.
The judge has never really ruled in his favor. Which brings me to the point of my story. He is playing a new game. He is talking about every court issue with the kids. Then he has been bashing me to the children. His wife says things about me too. They let them do what ever they want....then they come home and say "dad would have let us." He is poisoning their mind against me. Everything i do is for my children! They are my whole world! I would bet any amount of money that he is doing all this too try to "win" the kids over.....since he can not "win" the judge over. I am at my wits end. I have heard and truly believe this is parental alienation on his part, to try to get the kids to live with him full time and make his wife happy, by being "mommy" to my children. If anyone has any advice please let me know. I havent even hit the tip of the iceburg with all he is doing to brainwash our children. Please help!
My ex is very lazy and not ambitous at all to do anything that requires work or time.....which is why our marriage did not work. But anyhow, he never fought for our children. He willingly allowed me to have them fulltime. I made the decisions. Everything was fine. We were doing well at co-parenting. But then he married this girl he is with now. She wants a family. To do that he would have to have a reversal. That takes money. He has no job...no health insurance. It would be expensive. Plu he barely wanted the two children we have. I know 100% that he does not want more children.
Well, my ex was always mentally abusive to me. He was raised by his mother who was very controlling. So inurn he was too. Well, now his wife wants a child. And I just had my third child. So, I believe she is a bit jealous.
Ever since I have got pregnant, my ex has taken me back to court. It has happened about 6 times now. He has tried for full custody, and to change visitation and decrease child support. You name it.....he tried for it.
The judge has never really ruled in his favor. Which brings me to the point of my story. He is playing a new game. He is talking about every court issue with the kids. Then he has been bashing me to the children. His wife says things about me too. They let them do what ever they want....then they come home and say "dad would have let us." He is poisoning their mind against me. Everything i do is for my children! They are my whole world! I would bet any amount of money that he is doing all this too try to "win" the kids over.....since he can not "win" the judge over. I am at my wits end. I have heard and truly believe this is parental alienation on his part, to try to get the kids to live with him full time and make his wife happy, by being "mommy" to my children. If anyone has any advice please let me know. I havent even hit the tip of the iceburg with all he is doing to brainwash our children. Please help!
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My 6mo twin DD's are EBF and just started rice cereal on the first. Everything has been going fine except this morning one of them had a diaper rash (lots of redness around her anus). I read this as one of the signs of an allergy. BUT I did just buy a different brand diaper yesterday (which they have used randomly before w/no issues). Do you think its the cereal or the diaper? Im ready to start...
I don't understand how a parent can so selfishly hurt a child. The only one who is truly going to suffer from this behavior is the child. yes, it hurts us, but we are grown-ups, we can bounce back. The kids are going to suffer long-term negative effects from this behavior. It makes me so sad....and angry!
I honestly don't think the courts will do anything. They really don't use parental alienation in the courts; however, you could look into getting a guardian at litem for the kids and that person could make notes about what he/she sees at dad's house.
Good luck!
I too am a stepparent in the whole scenario, and we are at a point right now where I fear the damage is irreversible. Long story short, we did our best for years and years, until DH finally said, "Enough is enough. I love my kids but this canNOT be helping them any." And so we've backed off, to the point where there is absolutely NO contact in between visits, which are far and few between as it is. Several years ago our BM went so far as the move the kids hundreds of miles away (long story to that too), had immediate new lover (now husband) being called Dad before the divorce proceedings had even begun, ect.
One of the kids (age 14) left a message on our answering machine ten days ago saying, "[the two children] have finally decided something; we do not like going to your house. Many reasons, but we are not to be involved." I mean, WHAT do you get from that? Mommy must be telling them things they shouldn't have anything to do with!
Supermom, without having exact experience in your situation, what I might do if I WAS in your sitch, is maybe keep strictly to the schedule. If the order says Friday night/Saturday night every other weekend, keep to that and NOTHING MORE. It's not taking away from your kids, but like shoadley said, it keeps up with the structure so they know what to expect... I can see happening in a situation like this, say you let the kids go over to Dad's whenever they want because they don't feel like being at "home" right now or then, when they get older they might not feel like going to school, ect. Keep a tight leash on them if you have to- SOMEONE has to.
I do try to keep the children to a schedule when they are with me. I always remind them of their manners, because they get out of hand in sometimes. I feed them healthy foods. I try to help them find out who they are in life. I am on a low income at the moment so I try to show them that you do not need money to have a good time. But also I am the main disciplinarian between me and my ex. I try to lay down the rules that their dad does not do.
Co-parenting is so tough. I am one of those people who put everyone before themselves, so I feel bad dislikng my ex. I feel bad standing up for myself. I cant remember the last time I truly did anything for myself. I kinda miss the days of getting my hair done, or buying myself something new. But this comes with the "parent" territory. I understand that completely.
One thing that I dont understand.....how can people be so controlling and unsympathetic for another persons feeling? Sorry I am totally rambling.
I'm replying on behalf of MiriRose, as she isn't available right now to reply. Focus on the Family is a Christian ministry dedicated to helping families thrive. Our counselors are licensed Christian therapists that would be glad to speak with you and give you some solid advice. The number is 1-855-771-4357...and there is no cost. We're praying for you!
I truly wish my ex was blatant enough to take such measures. His comments and actions are just below the surface so that they aren't obvious alienating comments.
Good luck.