Child Support & Custody Support Group
This community is dedicated to those involved in child support and custody cases. There are a myriad of challenges involved in any case and this is a safe place to talk about what you're going through with others who may be going through the same. Join the group and seek advice, find or provide a listening ear, or just share your feelings in this support group.
My ex will not be winning the "best father of the year award" any time soon... but for the majority of the time he and I get along. My parents hate the fact that him and I get along... and the same goes for his parents, but despite everything that has gone on between us.. we both feel it's best for our 6 year old son! Well, things just recently hit the fan... and since everyone in my life is MORE than willing to give me their opinions, I need help from "outsiders" who aren't emotionally attached to anyone involved in this --if that makes sense!! Here it goes...
My ex (25 years old) made the decision to date a 17 year old girl..knowing full well it was against the law. I knew about her age right from the start.. but getting to know her, and judging by how much my son adores her.. I decided that it was actually a GOOD thing to have her around. In most aspects, she is more responsible then my ex is... and all 3 of us, including my 6 year old, really got along great and kept things stable for my son!!
Well... a few weeks ago, my ex got busted by the cops! He was held in jail for 3 days until he could post bail, but now he could face federal charges and up to 50 years in prision!! The girl's mother apparently approved of her 17 year old daughter living with my 25 year old ex... and like I said, I have always thought she was a great person!! But now that this is all out, in the news.. my family is freaking out about it!! Saying I need to keep my son away from his father, and since I haven't done that... they looked down on me with such anger-you would not believe!! My only worry is that my ex lives in a small town, and there are a lot of small minded people that live there--that I fear wouldn't hold back from saying anything, even to my son!!
Am I in the wrong for thinking this about my ex? Should I take my child out of that environment? My parents and friends never liked my ex to begin with..so I question their intensions!! But than again, I was all too often blind during the time him and I were together..so, again, I worry that I'm just refusing to see what's really there!! I'm stuck in the middle, and it's my son who is at stake...and I'm not willing to put him at risk for anything!! Please, someone respond with... "what would you do!!" I'm at a loss, and the clock is ticking!! :(
My ex (25 years old) made the decision to date a 17 year old girl..knowing full well it was against the law. I knew about her age right from the start.. but getting to know her, and judging by how much my son adores her.. I decided that it was actually a GOOD thing to have her around. In most aspects, she is more responsible then my ex is... and all 3 of us, including my 6 year old, really got along great and kept things stable for my son!!
Well... a few weeks ago, my ex got busted by the cops! He was held in jail for 3 days until he could post bail, but now he could face federal charges and up to 50 years in prision!! The girl's mother apparently approved of her 17 year old daughter living with my 25 year old ex... and like I said, I have always thought she was a great person!! But now that this is all out, in the news.. my family is freaking out about it!! Saying I need to keep my son away from his father, and since I haven't done that... they looked down on me with such anger-you would not believe!! My only worry is that my ex lives in a small town, and there are a lot of small minded people that live there--that I fear wouldn't hold back from saying anything, even to my son!!
Am I in the wrong for thinking this about my ex? Should I take my child out of that environment? My parents and friends never liked my ex to begin with..so I question their intensions!! But than again, I was all too often blind during the time him and I were together..so, again, I worry that I'm just refusing to see what's really there!! I'm stuck in the middle, and it's my son who is at stake...and I'm not willing to put him at risk for anything!! Please, someone respond with... "what would you do!!" I'm at a loss, and the clock is ticking!! :(
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My 6mo twin DD's are EBF and just started rice cereal on the first. Everything has been going fine except this morning one of them had a diaper rash (lots of redness around her anus). I read this as one of the signs of an allergy. BUT I did just buy a different brand diaper yesterday (which they have used randomly before w/no issues). Do you think its the cereal or the diaper? Im ready to start...
What a shame that your X got involved with a girl which resulted in him getting into a legal mess! How difficult it must be to sort out her age from her maturity and her relationship with your son!
How well can you anticipate and prepare your son for what people might say? What do you want your son to know about his father's charges?
What would I do? Well, I have a 15 year old daughter who wants to begin being sexually active with her 17 year old boyfriend. We have talked at great length about it, including the fact that he would be guilty of sexual misconduct, and any adult who allows such activity could be found guilty of child abuse in our state. It's a reality they must face. I hope they won't face such consequences if they break the law. I hope her boyfriend won't get busted if they choose to be sexually active. I understand how difficult it is to wait so long: they've been dating since June 11. I'm doing all I can think of to help them base their relationship on friendship and shared activities. I urge them to avoid situations that could lead to sexual arousal. I thank them for doing so.
What would I do? I would wish I could start a new life in another town and encourage my son and his father to correspond in a healthy way (by phone, visits if he gets leave time, email, letters), without my son knowing at this time that his father is in jail. I would wonder if I could make it on my own without the support of my family and friends.
If you are refusing to see what's really there, and you really want to see the truth, you will see it. Your intent is powerful! Look how much you have become able to see when you were so blind before!
From reading the papers my impression is that 25 year old men having sex with 3 year olds go to jail for 50 years but a 17 year old not so much. Not to say this is not a serious charge.
Has anyone told the 17 year old that the end of this is for her to start saying "I don't remember" as the answer to any questions regarding sex? Without her testimony there is no case.
I'm not implying that underage children should be exploited in general but you're describing a woman who is mature enough to make these decisions.
You have to remember to separate his new life from yours, and if he is going to jail, then you really can't do anything about it, except to try to keep him in contact with your boy. I wouldn't hide the fact that dad is in jail, I would explain that daddy did something wrong and he has to be punished. My kids and I used to pass a county jail every day and I told them it was 'time-out for grownups.' Tell your son that daddy is not a bad person and that he did what he did out of love, but it was still wrong, so he has to take the punishment. If your son loves his dad as much as it sounds, he will understand that. Don't worry what anybody else says about dad - that is only going to make the "negative nellies" look bad in your son's eyes.
As far as visitation, if there is a visitation order, you can't just withhold or deny visits. Just don't file for a modification and you can tell your family that dad has rights to see his son and if you don't let him (even if he is in jail) then you are breaking the law. But, on the other hand, if he is ordered to stay away from minors, etc. then you have to go by that as well...
Reassure your family that your son is safe while visiting his dad. I'm sure things will calm down in a few weeks, just as soon as something else newsworthy happens, and takes everyone's attention off your ex.
Good luck!
see this link:
http://www.htrnews.com/article/20090218/MAN0101/902180531/1984/MAN04