First, how long do you have to make the decision? I believe you should think this through carefully; don't jump into it without having all your "ducks in a row". Raising a child is a big responsibility and requires 99% of your attention. Are you willing and able to sacrifice your bachelor life, do you have a place for this baby to live, can you provide for this child, will your friends/family be supportive in your decision? Just a few things to think about. This is a big, major life change. it is so exciting at the same time. What about the mother of the child. Will she be willing to let you raise the child without her, or will she want some visitation later? You may have to make that decision on custody before you can bring the baby home. Cause you won't want any problems later on down the road. Well, I know for myself, I wouldn't be able to give up my child especially after knowing about this. For me, I would be haunted by wanting to know more about my child as he/she grows up. but, that's just me. It is a big decision you have there. What has your friends/family suggested to you? I hope you can make a decision that you will be happy with forever. I hope you will have lots of support in dealing with this.

Adoption agencies make a lot of money--tons of it. They have their own agenda and looking out for the bio parents' best interests is the last thing they care about. They only contacted you because by law you have a right to fight the adoption.

The first thing to do is to find out what your legal rights are. Invest a couple hundred dollars in a consult with a family law attorney. You should probably have a court-ordered paternity test to make absolutely sure you are the father.

This adoption cannot go through without your permission if you are indeed the father. Otherwise, the adoption could be overturned later and that's why the adoption agency is asking for your signature.

Don't let them bully you or rush you. But do, please, research the situation so you are comfortable with your decision on where to go with this new info.

Keep us informed!

BuffyS gives you excellent advise. First, let me commend you because you obviously care enough to be a father. Otherwise, and I'm sure others will also agree, you would have given your signature and forgotten about it.

At any rate, a paternity test is a MUST, whether court ordered or not. You can demand it. It does behoove you, however, to consult with local counsel.

You have a lot of soul searching to do. Not only that, but you're also going to need to show the Court you can give the child a better environment than the prospective adoptive parents, if there are any. DO NOT, consent to the adoption until there is already a couple looking to adopt your child. If there is already a couple who is standing by to adopt him, and they can give the child a better life, do the right thing and let it be. You can, being that you didn't know you are a father until now, demand visitation with your child.

At all costs, consult with local counsel!

Good luck to you!!!

Well all I know is that I've always wanted to have a child and now it is here and it's not with me. It kills me that things are this way. I've been feeling like I'm torn apart for the last few days, ever since the call. Financially, I'm working a part time job currently but can find more work. Also, I happen to be living with my mother right now and I'm trying to go to school. I have a place the baby can come live and with help from my mother, I feel I can take care of him. I'm not much of a partier anymore so giving up the bachelor life is not too big of an issue. Mainly I spend my time at home now days working on projects or playing music or video games, so turning my attention to the boy I would think wouldn't be too hard. Now as for the mother, she can not take care of the kid physically or financially. And she never gave me a clue about any of this. If I take custody of my boy, it will be full custody since she is already ready to sign over full custody to the adoption agency. I do not know yet if she would be willing to let me have him instead of the agency though. It was a one week fling that ended with some real harsh words and never speaking again. But I have to hope that if I stop the adoption, she would give him to me instead. I would give him all the love in the world. Now the hardships that I'm dealing with this is, my kid is part african american and I have a lot of family who will not be supportive and may choose to not have anything to do with me. As it is, my father thinks I should give him up. I just dont know if I can do that. The man I want to be would never give up his kid to someone else. But just the other day, for a large part I was still mentally a kid...Probably still now. Up until that moment it has always been about me....Right now I'm having to fight with that side of me and this is scary. I'm going back and forth on what to do....my rational side says let him go to a family who can better afford it and is more prepared.....But my heart wont let me choose that. If I let him go, I do not know if I'll ever be able to live with myself.

I sincerely empathize with you. Although I've not experienced what you're experiencing, I can tell you this; I always wanted to have a daughter. When my ex-wife told me we were having a baby and when I found out it was a girl, I fell in love with her instantly. I'm still in love with my daughter and she's 6. Her mom and I divorced 3 years ago and she's since moved away. I see my daughter every other weekend, but I'm supposed to have, at minimum 12 overnights a month with her, and then, I can always have her as much as I want, because I have liberal visitation. Now, I only have 4 overnights a month.

When I separated from my ex-wife, my life was torn. But I knew I could not stay in a loveless marriage, not even for the pleasure of seeing my daughter every day, because I knew she would be misserable. I grew up in a loveless marriage and my parents stayed together because of us.

But, as Leo Tolsoy said, "The strongest warriors are these two; time and patience." It's true my friend. You seem to be thinking very rationally and I sincerely understand your sense of fatherhood and of not wanting to give up your child. If you really think you're up for the challenge, then GO FOR IT. No one can take that away and if your son's mother has given up her rights, that means you have ALL of yours. On the other hand, if you have ANY doubts, do your best to think with your head and not your heart. It's true that the heart has reasons that reason itself does not know, but heart and love does not pay the bills, and to demonstrate to a court, which you will undoubtedly have to do, that you're fit, you have to show you have the means with which to care for your child.

It's a tough spot where you are, but believe me, it will get easier. Think about what I mentioned before (visitation). If that's not an option with the adoption agency, then fight the adoption. There's no better place for your child than with you, especially if you have the right mindset to care for him. Don't count on your mother, and don't worry about what your family may say about him. Just love him and give your life to him. In the final analysis, you will be the victor.

Sincerely, good luck to you!

Hooray!!! Congratulations. I think this is marvelous. Children are a blessing. Also, don't let what you "think" your family and friends will say or do sway into your decision at all.
Here's why. Whe my husband and I married years ago, his parents, told him he could marry me if he wanted but their was no way they would babysit or accept any bi-racial children. The were steadfast in their views and boundaries. We had a son. The fell in love with him immediately and out of 22 grandchildren they had, he was the favorite and everyone knew it. Funny how children and dogs can melt the soul of an adult.
If the don't, they are't people I would want in my life.
I wish you all the best!!!

Legally, you'll find yourself in a good position to get full custody of the child since she has put the child up for adoption. By not contacting you about the child and putting it up for adoption, she would be hard pressed to get 50-50 if she came back to fight you.

You have the law on your side in this situation and you have the ability to stall the process so you do not have to rush into it. I was a surprise father as well from a fling with a girland it's been a real joy.

As I have told you before my dear..... follow your heart! Your heart is never wrong when it comes to a baby especially! Things always have a way of working out. I would help you out the most I can. And honestly, family will adjust. My cousin went through this with a biracial baby and eventually, my grandma accepted the fact and came to love my cousins daughter. Time heals all wounds, no matter how deep or vulgar they may be. And being childish is not a bad thing, if it was, I would be a terrible mother! Instead, I am the cool mom in town! Video games, trust me, you can kill the covenant in Halo and give a baby a bottle so easily.... NOT LIKE I WOULD EVER HAVE DONE THIS!!!... But a baby is a wonderful thing, no matter what color, sex, race, or shape. I support your decision whichever it may be and I love you!

a baby is the most incredible thing that will ever happen to you. if you are being honest with your feelings on your post, i think you need to fight for this baby. your life will never be the same and i promise you, you'll never think twice about it once you've made the leap.....

but if you don't, you'll always wonder where that part of you is, out there in the wide world away from you. you'll always wonder if you made the right choice.

i chose to keep a baby when i was a single mother in college - it felt like my life was over and everything would be terrible forever... BUT now she is 13, a source of constant inspiration and wonder, i love her to peices, and i NEVER ONCE wondered if i was doing the right thing, from the very first moment of her arrival in my arms.

GO for it. you'll always wonder if you don't, and if you do, you'll face lots of challenges and hurdles, but you will love your child beyond words.