Child Support & Custody Support Group
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I am a step-mother to a wonderful 12 year old boy. My husband's ex-wife (the mother of the 12 year old), is moving back in with her husband after being separated from him for a year. She married this man on spur-of-the-moment because the custody order does not allow cohabitation outside of marriage and to marry this guy was the only way she could live with him. During that summer, after only being married a couple of months, her husband assaulted her and she filed a domestic violence petition. My stepson was in her home in her care at the time this happened. It affected him deeply even though he didn't actually see anything, he just heard the ruckus. He knew that his mom's husband had been taken to jail. As a result of this incident and the fact that the man is an alcoholic and has untreated bipolar, there is now a "no contact" order in the permanent custody order.
My husband's ex has tried to get the "no contact" order removed a couple of times, but it never made it to court because she dropped it each time before it could make it that far. The second time she dropped it was because she found out her husband was drinking behind her back and so she left him.
She is now wanting to reconcile with him and move back in with him claiming that "he's changed" - but offers no proof of that outside of just saying he attends AA and has seen a counselor. She hasn't even lived with him for a year, but yet she "can just tell" that he has changed his ways. So she is now, for a third time, bringing this back to court to have the "no contact" order removed. My husband is very much against this and feels that it is way too soon for this. So...if she is intent on having her loser of a husband around her child...my husband is wanting to ask for supervised visitation for a year by a court-appointed person who will be the same person to do each visit so that there is consistency in the observations.
Is this something that could likely happen for us? Of course having the "no contact" stay in the order is fine, too, but his ex-wife has broken that court order before and was held in contempt for it (went to jail and everything). So we really don't trust her to keep this "no contact" long-term, especially if she thinks it's a joke.
My husband's ex has tried to get the "no contact" order removed a couple of times, but it never made it to court because she dropped it each time before it could make it that far. The second time she dropped it was because she found out her husband was drinking behind her back and so she left him.
She is now wanting to reconcile with him and move back in with him claiming that "he's changed" - but offers no proof of that outside of just saying he attends AA and has seen a counselor. She hasn't even lived with him for a year, but yet she "can just tell" that he has changed his ways. So she is now, for a third time, bringing this back to court to have the "no contact" order removed. My husband is very much against this and feels that it is way too soon for this. So...if she is intent on having her loser of a husband around her child...my husband is wanting to ask for supervised visitation for a year by a court-appointed person who will be the same person to do each visit so that there is consistency in the observations.
Is this something that could likely happen for us? Of course having the "no contact" stay in the order is fine, too, but his ex-wife has broken that court order before and was held in contempt for it (went to jail and everything). So we really don't trust her to keep this "no contact" long-term, especially if she thinks it's a joke.
You can not do "preventive" maintenance for children, a suspicion or worry of bad things don't cut it, you can't fix a problem that isn't a problem so to speak, unfortunately the childs parent would have to hurt or neglect the child and you would have to have proof to change the visitation. The parent has no control over whoever else does anything unless it can tie to neglect, the parent leaving the child with a known sex offender and the child getting raped etc...
Not all parents are great, the other parent will never approve of what they are doing in most cases, makes her a bad person with poor judgement??? maybe, makes her a bad mom??? harder to prove unless abuse or neglect come in.
I didn't see anything reading your comment except that you don't approve of her life style and her choice in men, I understand your concern, believe me, my x is a drug addict that lives with a known dealer that has been to prison for such, I know how you feel, but you need to focus on the child if you want to change visitations, not all the other details of what concerns you, facts on the ground so to speak.
I have since come to learn that in NC, courts don't generally appoint people to do in-home supervised visits, that it would have be someone we know who would do it. And our lawyer said that since we don't have a significant change in circumstance here, it will be hard to get the judge to change what is already in the order. He is not confident that she will have the needed evidence to get the "no contact" removed.
But we are stuck paying $2000 that we don't have for our lawyer to defend this "no contact" clause and keep it in tact. *sigh*
She is not a good mother at all, her only concern is herself. It angers me so much that she would put her child back in a situation where there could be potential abuse, etc. - not abuse on him, but even abuse on her. It's not an environment fit for a kid, especially a special needs child who just doesn't have the ability right now to comprehend the seriousness of what's going on.
I'm not sure if you can do the same with your no contact order or not, but I would assume you could, it is similar it sounds, if she violates it you can keep the child till she changes or she changes the order, which if she fights it you could go ahead to mod the custody in your favor.
No contact order in place
She violates it, refuse to let the kid stay with her if she is with him
She has 2 choices... Leave him and you get what u want, no contact, or SHE can go in front of the judge and say why she violated the order, the same judge you convinced that the order was needed, at that time you present the evidence you had/have again and push to change the order more to your liking, she looks like an idiot that will go against a judges order in the first place.
I am not sure why your lawyer is going the other way with it unless his kids need braces or a new car or something, they are a for profit organization.
However, if she is found to be in violation of the order, then yes, we can (and most definitely will) take her back to court for contempt of court. If we knew for sure she would be violating the order at the time of exchange, then my husband would not allow her to take him. However, she knows that he is watching her - he has already sent her an email communicating that if he finds out that order has been violated, he will take her back to court and ask for a modification of her visitation.
Our lawyer said right now we don't have a significant enough of a change to justify modifying visitation against her, unless she violates the order. Our lawyer is asking for his fees to be paid by her...but of course, we have to pay up front and then we get reimbersed when (and IF) she pays. She doesn't think a judge would make her pay since she doesn't make much money....but I hope he sticks it to her. It's not right for us to have to foot the bill constantly for her chaotic mess of a life!