I don't know if I will ever reach that point......... I am realizing that when life normal and stable I start to freak out.

a betterman....you will, hindsight is a lot clearer with time. The less mental investment you place outside of your marriage, the better your marriage will get.

I am. it's been about a year. Never going back!

Interesting thread. For me, I play the fringes for my "fix". Never will I ever go back to what once was. That was complete chaos and destructive to all concerned. But doubtful I will ever be free of secrets.. Just the way I roll I guess.

Did I mention I hate this new format? Maybe that's good though.. I am here less

I am. Everyday i think of the exAP but I'm not going to break NC. I have to try to get past this because I don't have the energy to live two lives anymore.

I do not consider anything cheating. I consider it hanging out and spending time in friendly way. If I see something interesting I want to get to know it better. People are way too serious and creating too much unreasonable stress over nothing. That makes person think whether it worth messing with it or not. Often people get into stuff because they do not know what they want and try to gang on people and stress people while solving own problems usually emotional. Even people who claim that they just want physical thing usually do not mean it. If anyone says they want only physical thing they usually want dump previous partner and provoke you to fight for them. If you do not fight they get upset.

Hand raised high - for a year now cold turkey!

Nope, not there. There are degrees, though, and I think it unproductive to look at in terms of strict absolutes. The only way I have found out after a life of shame is self-acceptance, which is scary, but has proven to be the only way. Assess where you are in total, without judgment, and consider what good parts of you want to go on.

you go ASteele!!

I am 100% there. The affair fallout was so extremely painful that I am extremely committed to staying in that place. It also feels amazing to know you have absolutely nothing to hide or worry about in that regard.

I could not hand over my phone due to old pics I really want to save.. theyre hidden but he could find them.. the rest is safe.. I have no energy or desire to talk with guy friends but there is and probably always be a little flirting... I get messages here and there and would hate for him to see them, as they are innocent to me..

I am

I know I'm done w the active life. Menopause. Men Don't Pause to look. (ok, I still look ok but the naked me...yeah...lights off please.)

I know this is pretty old, but I just wanted to throw it out there that I am pretty much in this category. I say "pretty much" because I am not having any sort of affair, no secret friendships, no flirting, and have handed my phone over to my husband on many occasions without any feelings of guilt or worry because I do not have to hide any calls or texts or facebook messages anymore. However, I do occasionally play a game online that I used to play with my AP. I don't play it with him anymore, we have zero contact, but my husband asked me to stop playing and I said I would... and didn't. It has nothing to do with my affair, I literally just love the game lol So, yeah, 99.9% affair free haha