Me, as of 1 month plus ago. I'm done, I think. It was killing me, the stress and shame. I had an old EA/friend that I used to check in with every month or so, and I have dodged him for 3 months as well.

And I do leave my phone out and unlocked and logged into email and social media. I don't think my H looks, though.

Not me. I'm still keeping some behavior up that I shouldn't. It's a crutch. I need something to help me cope with my marriage.

I will be, once I am able to extricate myself from the affair. The stress and the guilt are killing me. It will be easy to avoid temptation in the future because I know now what giving into it looks like. But I'm not there yet.

I'm not quite there yet. Maybe another year or so.

I feel the same as Tulips.....no PA or anything like before, but something that is there as a 'crutch', as a distraction. Hell, even my husband has a few friends he flirts with. I'm actually thinking its not too uncommon.

I get the "crutch" feeling and am working on meeting some of my needs in other ways. I know I have a need to keep things fresh and not feel like the best days of my life are behind me, so I am going to have to try new things and have my husband's support there. I really do not want the guilt and obligation of dealing with secret friends/partners anymore. I am also starting to just say how I feel to my husband, not in a jerk way but after introspection. I would say I am definitely in recovery, but with a long way to go.

Those who are not in recovery, so to speak, have you had a D-day? For me, that changed everything, even though it took some time to fully get myself together.

I would like to get there. Yes, any form of outside validation is rude to my relationship; but it's also super rude to myself. There must be emotionally healthier ways to cope with the daily grind. That said, even after 2 years of not one single inappropriate glance at another man (following a D-day), I still got sucked back into the life.

I think being out of it requires constant conscious daily commitment to oneself and their committed relationship. I also suspect that my issues with fidelity are good, old fashioned low self esteem (not an easy dysfunction to fix!)

It hasn't been a week yet, but I'm doing good....we'll see. My accounts would need to be cleaned up first. I'm still holding on to some messages.

you guys, i am not a CS. but as a BS i also had to deal with self esteem issues after DDay. one of the things that helped me improve my mood tremendously was dedicating myself to the things im passionate about. i even took up sowing as a new activity to explore. please try to do fun things that are heathy for your inner self.

sewing (typo)

sewing (sorry typo)

For one thing, I could use some adventure involving people who are not my AP. I need to replicate some of the excitement with friends or my husband or by myself.

I hope to be that way someday. You know what they say. When a woman is done, she's done.

I am. Had the biggest Wake up call when the other guy turned out to be a huge manipulator who purposely wanted me away from my husband just to say he could. It all crumbled beneath me and my husband stayed even though it wasn't my first affair. That's what kills me. I'm determined to do better and not fall for that again. It feels good to not have to hide things. I don't have the energy anymore anyways.