A man who recently cut off contact with me is back...or was back. I am married, but fell in love with another man, who is single. It has been a tumultuous roller-coaster ride from hell for six months with this person. At first, he couldn't be with me because I was married (he said). Mind you, this was after he pursued me knowing what my marital status was. He didn't leave me alone though. It was back-and-forth. I have attempted to cut off contact twice, but weakened and could not make it stick. He blows hot and cold and during his 'cold' periods, I get clingy and desperate. I have OCD, which exacerbates this reaction.

After he came back this time, we had a couple days of very pleasant conversation and then it went off the rails last evening. He is obsessed with involving other people...threesomes, etc...only with me. I find this odd in itself, as he has only had non-online sex with me once, back in December. (We usually have cybersex. He makes dates with me, but invariably cancels them. This happened yesterday, in fact, but we had nice chats in spite of this.) I am open to involving more people, however. I made some suggestions of people I know who would also be open to it and who we could involve. I believe it was a mistake and may have upset him...the fact that he knew these people and that they seem to be interested in me. I have told him over and over that I only want him and any others would be to make him happy, not for me.

So, I finally asked him why he could not see me. He said we would eventually see each other again and it was complicated, but he would try to explain. His first reason was that, if he had sex with me again, he knew he would want it constantly...daily...and that was impossible since I am married. He said this scared him. Then he said the other reason was that he wanted me closer, for whatever reason. Living within 10 minutes of him. He then said that he was alone at home, doing nothing. If I lived within 10 minutes, I could come see him. I said I could, anyway. I am only 30 minutes away and willing to make the trip. I asked why I couldn't. He said he didn't know, it was just the way his mind worked. I told him it made no sense. He said sorry. I told him he was hurting me. He said sorry and 'I should have said nothing' and has ignored me since. Of course, my OCD kicked in and I sent him a bunch of desperate messages, which he did not respond to.

WTF? This 'reason' for not seeing me is beyond ridiculous and I feel he was being deliberately cruel. I have been crying off-and-on since. In the cold sober light of day, I wish I could take back the pathetic messages I sent, but that is impossible.

Going forward, i know N/C is the way to go, but it is impossible at the moment. There is a function coming up at my home in a month and a half and he is a key player. I will have to stay in contact at least until then.

I love this guy, but he shows signs of being a narcissist, so I am trying not to blame the way he treats me on my own shortcomings. He pontificates on his Facebook page and has a 'harem' of adoring female 'friends' who hang on his every word and pump up his ego. he does not take criticism well at all. He loves to play the internet troll game and is often cutting and cruel in his remarks. he told me his relationship with his ex-wife was one of love/hate and like an addiction. He told me he is addicted to me. Perhaps this is just how he relates to women.

His Facebook status today has a piece about a person who cheats on their spouse being a failure to himself and his family. perhaps so, but can you spell 'hypocrisy'?

I am drained, depressed, tired of crying over this man.