Desert, it appears that you are just focusing on your own point of view. Sure it may seem that from the AP point of view, the BS is just angry and places all the blame on the AP. In reality, the BS really does place blame on the CS, however, they also place blame on the AP because if there were no OW/OM out there who actually had boundaries for themselves, and felt entitled to their happiness being above the happiness of the unbeknownst BS's out there, there really would never be an issue of an affair. Thus, yes, BS's are angry, but do not solely place the blame on AP's. AP's do not have the point of view of being in the divorce battle, or in the damaged marriage they helped destroy, thus, they do not really get to see the anger the BS feels with the CS. It is never solely placed on the AP, as much as AP's think it may be. I do not think one can place a blanket statement and say all BS's want revenge against the AP's, what they probably want is to see that person take responsibility for the damage they caused, and hopefully not remake the same mistake with another innocent person. Some BS's are a bit nutty, yes, but wouldn't you be? put yourself in their place, how mad would you be, if someone just decided to come and help your hubby screw their life up. Please try to see that the anger AP's get to see is only one sided because AP's do not get to see the other side of the anger towards the CS, the only ones with that privilege are the CS's. And on top, if the CS does not want anything to do with the AP ever again, more so, it is highly unlikely they will get to talk to them and explain the anger and issues they are going through.

My AP's BS subpoenaed me into their divorce case and harassed my husband and me online and in person for four months until I had to take legal action to stop it because it was happening near my kids at their school. I owned my part in the affair from the moment it was discovered. My AP never did, and his BS never took responsibility for her actions afterward. I was the scapegoat for the entire affair.

gravingirl, may i ask, how did your AP not take responsibility?. not all BS s react in the way your BS has. Its on a case by case basis. just like you felt entitled to ruin her life, i am sure she felt entitled to ruin your. i personally do not condone behaving with ill will towards AP s because it is not the kind of person i choose to not be. two wrongs dont make a right.

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/archives.asp?tid=389695&AP=1

In this thread the OP BS ask the

"Has anyone ever wanted revenge? "

Here are some of responses that got my attention.

BS # 1 "Yes of course I have wanted revenge. Who wouldn't?"

BS # 2 "I think the better question is has anyone not wanted to seek revenge since its SO NORMAL!"

BS # 3 "i agree - i think it would have to be weird not to want to get revenge, either on the WS or the OP"

BS # 4 "Yes, I think the better question would be "who didn't". "

BS # 5 "Really, the question should be: Has anyone not wanted revenge?"



Personally, I'm not a BS and I don't really know how BS's think.

The only thing I have to go by is what come out of the mouths of the BS's themselves.

i am a BS....and no i do not want revenge. i think it really does depend on the person. maybe only BS s that want revenge decide to post about it. revenge is something that would entail me either fantasizing about negative things that affect my mind in an unhealthy way, or even worse would entail me engaging in negative activities that would hurt my person as a healthy human being. since i love ME, no revenge is something i choose not to think about, nor partake in, it is not only harmful to others, but mainly harmful to me.

Wait, what? I felt entitled to ruin her life?

Moving on from that shitty comment, my AP never took responsibility by persistently blaming his BS for pushing him into an affair by her actions in the marriage and blaming me for his poor divorce outcome because I did not leave my marriage even though he left his wife and kids for me (his words, not my request).

His BS said she would destroy me, and she involved all of our children in it. She said any consequences are justified by the affair.

Chipmonk, I think you still have a lot of simmering anger.

when a person feels entitled, its usually more about ones actions. not directed at you meaning to ruin her life, i am sure most people do not mean to intentionally go out there and cause harm, however, their actions a lot of the time do cause harm. what the BS in your case did was not ok. i dont think she behaved in a decent way. the behavior you describe is bad for every person involved. that does not mean i think OW and OM did right by choosing to engage in an affair. My feelings are my own, what other people think over them is irrelevant.

Desert, be nice, most people here try to be. Seriously as a rational person, i have read this thread and the last third of it has been all about how BS s want revenge and how badly they reacted to the A. if most of the focus is on constantly bashing the BS s, then that puts all the focus on the OW s and OM s being victims of the anger. if a person comes out of the blue and robs each one of you of ALL your lifetime savings and you are kicked out on the street because you cannot pay rent. guess what? ALL of you will be angry. some of you may react differently to that anger, but please dont forget it was not unprovoked. in criminal law, the person who participates in a robbery, say drives the car, is just as guilty as the person who took the money. here, its like the last third of the thread is focused on placing blame on the BS s. that of course prevents OW and OM s from seeing how they are to blame for initially choosing to create such angry reactions. and of course if an OM or OW doesnt get the yes you are right to place the blame on those crazy angry BS s they are here to cause trouble, not have a difference of opinion, like adults with the power to reason can.

also DesertFlower, please go read my posts, i have never refered to anyone as a homewrecker.

Chipmonk, you might as well have by your tone.

Why did GravingGirl say this

"Wait, what? I felt entitled to ruin her life? "


This will be my last post in this thread.

Congratulations, you succeeded in chasing me out of my own thread.

On second thought, I refuse to let Chipmonk chase me out of my own thread.

Bump.

DesertF - Thanks for posting all of this!! I'm still in an A and trying to get my head straight. BTW - nothing you have ever posted is offensive to me as a CS in an active A.