Here Goes... Met hubby 20 years ago while we were still married to other people. (I'm 46 He' s 58). Hubby was in military (Desert Storm), works in law enforcement and is the oldest of 7 siblings. He never was emotionally available but he was a nice guy. My last marriage was physically and emotionally abusive and he was a breath of fresh air. Never raised his voice, yeeled or curse at me, he is the "go with the flow" kind of guy. I on the other hand, I was an insecure emotionally needly person. Never had a dad and always dated guys 8+ older than me. I took his lack of emotion as a guy who had "control" over his emotions.

We eventually divorced our spouses and married each other. We have a son together (now 16). He is still that easy going guy and a great provided and great father. Throughout our marriage I expressed my feeling of lonliness and his lack of expressing emotions. In the beginning, I expressed my love' feelings and emotions but they were never reciporiated. I was the one to say "I love you". He rarely rememberted birthdays' anniversaries, mother's day or anything that required an expression of affection. When I did receive gifts, they were the gifts that required no thought. I've gotten so many itunes giftcards that I asked him to stop buying them. I shared my feelings begging him to treat me more like a wife rather than a maid and a mother. He would just give me dumb looks. Rarely took me out to eat unless I made the suggestions. When I asked him if he loved me his reponse was always yes but his actions said otherwise. We are great roommates but lousy spouses. My hubby spends most of his time online. He has had numerous emotional affairs and there have been many online affairs and I have found countless pictures of other women his phone. Some sexual oin nature. He has had online sex ans well as phone sex. He's home every night and weekends. He rearely bleaves the house and has no friends or buddies that come by the house or to hang out with. I shred with him how I feel neglected because heb is always online....Goes on deaf ears.

The straw that broke the camels back came in June 2013 when I was in the hospital following gastric bypass surgery. He didn't come to see me stating he lost track of time. Right then and there I made the conscious decision that I was going to have an affair. Just so happen, I had this guy who was my card playing partner. I will call "Wayne". Wayne was the lonely old man with 2 dogs. Overweight, SSI, workmans comp king etc...definately not someone I would see myself with but Wayne is a great guy. Happy, likes to help people before he got sick, he was a general contractor for 27 years...very handy..use to be a mechanic...good with tools...can fix anything. Prior to June 2013, Wayne was very tight with my family. HE adores my 16 year old. He has been to basketball games, concrets, takes him to school every morning and treats my son like the son he never had. Once I came home from the hospital, lets just say my husband wasn't very nurturing or helpful. I suffered a lot and hubby wasn't there emotionally..IN COMES WAYNE...he begins to drive my to my medical appointments and we became closer. He really was worried about me, called me every day to check on me etc...Make a long story short, Wayne confesses how he has been watching me for years and how he had strong feeling for me. I went for it...I cnfessed that i was in an emotional less marriage and my husband showed me no love, attention or affection...He appied for the job and I gave it to him.

Since June 2013, Wayne has treated me like ROYALITY!!! He comes from the fields on North Carolina and he really know how to treat a woman. Ladies...when I say bhe came house broken...thats putting it lightly. He gives me weekly allowance, drives me back and forth to work, takes me out to eat 3x per week. Ironicaly he suffers from Erectile Dysfunction therefore, there is very little penetrative sex but he leaves my body like a crime scene! Finger prints and saliva everywhere! I haven't felt this level of sexual excitment in 30 years. He really loves me and I love him. I cook for him, shop for him, I have given him a laptop, a car, an ipod I buy his clothes, keep his medical appointments and paybhis bills (he gives me the $ for the bills). He says a woman like me deserves to be happy

Here is the problem...Can't see myself without either man. Hubby is very impt to my son and our "family image to our family and friends. Wayne has become my knight in shining amour. Wayne treats me like a wife is suppose to be treated. When I found out my mom had cancer, Wayne was there. Another odd thing...Hubby has no problem with me and Wayne"s "friendship". Hubby never questions it. Wayne comes and makes all the repairs in my house, splits my wood, repairs my cars and even drove me and my son from Penn to South Carolina for Christmas and Thanksgiving cause hubby had to work. Hubby thought it was a great idea that Wayne drove his wife 800 alone. Wayne says he understands my perdiciment and accepts the situation because he has never felt this level of love his entire life. He understands that if I leave my hubby, I leave my son and that I WON'T do. Also, hubby and i are financially tied at the hip. 270k mortage, 40k credit card debt, 150k retirement plan plus the best state and city healthcare in the world. Not to mention that I am not ready to leave my home. This is the first house I ever owned and I'm not ready to part with it. Hubby and I continue to sleep in the same bed but there is no touching or anything. He comes to bed after I am sleep and I'm out of the bed before he wakes up.

Don't know how long it's going to last. As long as everyone stays in their lane, I'll ride it til the wheels come off.