Cheaters Anonymous Community Group
This is a support group for cheating spouses looking for understanding and strength. Betrayed spouses are welcome to post ONLY if they can do so in a supportive manner (no bashing...these posts will be deleted), and please do not comment on 'Cheaters Only' posts.
BS here
Is it normal for the WS to fall into state of depression in 2nd year of R?
My therapist, and our MC both said that they are not surprised at the mental, emotional and physical state of my wife. We are 19 months past DDay.
Her physical and emotional temperament started falling in Feb of this year. both the therapists had said that they've seen this before. they said (im paraphrasing a bit here)
"the WS spends the initial time post DD tying to atone for the infidelity and trying to support the BS. once the BS gets to a point when they seem stronger, the WS begins to crumble as their focus was on themselves , but mainly was on the BS state. Not that the BS is in a better and healthier state of recovery, the inward work truly begins for the WS"
when we got home she said she had some major introspective thoughts during her time alone. she spent lots of time online looking up relation between add and hyper sexuality.
turns out there is a correlation and the foundations lay in other mood disoreds like anxiety, depression and shame.... this online self diag seems to be right on course. she even admitted that she did meet 4/5 criteria of hyper sexuality...which she denied for the last year and change.
the main take away here....she is finally admitted that she has a mood disorder, and that she has had the mood disorders for a very long time. she also admitted that yes, she exhibited addictive behavior with the affairs, and was obviously suffering form hyper sexuality.
she has agreed to finally bring this info up in group instead of just telling group that she is in IOP to learn how to deal w anxiety raising a child w ADHD...that was her cover last week.
sunday afternoon , when i got back from pool w kids, she seemed calmer when i came home...we had a long talk last night. about all of this .... it was very hard for me to hear her say these things, even though I’ve thought them to be true for a long time. i felt tremendous sadness at hearing her finally admit these things...
in bed she tearfully apologized for all the times she “was mean to me” and for how bad she hurt me w the affairs.
she said the difference now vs then is
1. she as been diagnosed w adhd and is being treated w rx
2. we talk about problems openly now, vs not talking about them at all then
3. she realizes that the issues in her life where because of the mood disorders and party the way she was raised and modeled by her parents, and how she never thought any of that was wrong, and believed everyone else was wrong....
4. she realizes..... her biggest problem....is / was always herself
she realizes she never had any coping skills for her depression, shame and anxiety, and the affairs became an escape and coping skill but it was a snake eating its own tail and just drove her deeper and deeper down the rabbit hole
You sound like a terrific person. Her problems are not a reflection on you.