I'm so sorry you are hurting.

What you have is an addiction.

The first 30 days of NC are the hardest.

Withdrawals hurt no matter what, regardless of what situation you are in. I wouldn't worry too much about the X AP being with someone else.

Just concentrate on getting through the day. Sometimes a minute at a time. Sometimes an hour at a time.

Here is what a thread by Sam2014 on the subject of addictions. Read the thread and everyone's responses on it and it will open your eyes.

http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/cheatersanonymous/discussions/messages/18446215

Big hugs to you Restore.

So you know it's funny I signed on once more tonight before bed & saw this and I swear I was just thinking of this.
I was just thinking: My xAP has been with his 'friend' almost half as long now as he was with me. I ended it and he made it official with her in no time! Lol. We had a lot if drama, head games, and nonsense between us. Tonight I decided to put the twist on this....maybe they are more compatible than he and I. Maybe she is better for him (but not better than me as a person) and if so, so be it...good luck to him. It certainly won't last forever.
And would I want to deal with that BS again? Noooooo. Not at all.
And I'm laying here next to someone who is way more compatible for me and totally deserving of my focus. No games. Real life here.

So true day 11 is on the horizon. Only woke up twice and actually fell back to sleep quickly!

So here's to day 11......... I wonder if she has the same pain.......

we did say that NC was going to have its ups and down...once in a while i still dream of my xAP and wake up thinking that we are still talking and then the reality hits me. its like the right angel and evil devil are warring in my brain. the right angel tries to tell me that i did the right thing by going NC and by focuing on my husband and so on. the evil devil likes to remind me of their voice, laughter, how good their touch and kiss felt, etc.

Stay strong on Day 11!! Goal: go an hour without thinking of her. if that means putting in a movie, working on a project, etc. do it. :-)

and i would guess she may have osme of the same pain....and that may explain why she is already with someone else. i know people like that...they feel like no matter what they need to have a man/woman in their life. otherwise they dont feel like they have worth. they may feel rejected by you and so are already filling the void with someone else. if it wasnt you, it would have been someone else. keep to your convictions!

Restoremylove, how did you get through the first few days of NC? Did you do it cold turkey or work your way up to it? Are you still with your spouse?

I believe I read your story in another thread but I can't find it right now & I am so self-involved (sorry!) I can't remember everyone's details.

yes and it sucks but got to do it. Blocking phone and facebook.

Silversprin - thanks!!!

This is the hardest part to go thru and your days will get a little easier. Just remember your going they the hardest part right now..
Food for thought...just because she's with someone else doesn't mean she's happy but you need to try and focus on what's really important, and she's not..
Keep coming back were here for you..
Hugs, heard

Everyone thanks for your help.......goal is to hit 20 days.....I think if I can hit 20 days w NC I should be able to really focus.

I love the iPhone as you can block numbers and txt W/O calling the provider. Facebook is easy to block. I'm actually on it more now cause we broke it off. She hated to see what I was doing and pictures of my W and Kids.

I know this is mean, but my profile picture is my Wife and me. So if she calls me up she'll see both smiling. I know its playing games but it's a wall.....

I LOVE what Heard wrote and my DS friends have reminded me of this (sometimes I just need to see it again):

Food for thought...just because she's with someone else doesn't mean she's happy but you need to try and focus on what's really important, and she's not..

My xAP was bad, even toxic, for me....as someone here said....some people are just rotten.....but it irked me to no end that now he was "happy" so the above quote, and as many friends have told me, means so much.

All you guys are great!!! I do need to focus on what is important!!!! But its hard its a drug!!!

As roxy music once wrote love is a drug.....

I miss her bad....... But doing better!!!

How did day 11 go? i have been in curriulum training all day (yay common core changing my entire english curriuclum...i like it though...justa lot of prep work over the summer...gets my mind off xAP) so I havent been able to check on you guys and give you the proverbial ass kicking.

but seriously, i am proud of you restore and i know your struggle right now. its been a month since i last heard from him and where i last tried to contact him. its gotten easier every day. by blokcing fher on facebook she cant even search for you or see you. My xAP blocked me and i deleted all call records and texts but couldnt bring myself to block him (although I did delete his contact and since i never memorized his number, will eliminate me trying to get a hold of him). I have read some of your other post and i can see how NC is already bringing you some clarity. Keep it up!! every day is a new day!

Really bad night I blocked her on everything except one personal email account and bam day 11 becomes day one again. She is going to loose her job and wanted me to help with recruiters. I fell for the I know you aren't doing well cause of us a but I'm going to loose my job and need help. So I respond no I'm not doing well you have no idea how sad I am. So she response all I ever wanted was a decision to move forward or stop. Told her stop was her choice. She told me she can never get over me but yet she is seeing someone else she asked what I wanted and I gave into temptation and said brace yourself I wanted her. So I'm back to square one cause I hear can't get over you ever.

She told me I have no idea of what she had been going through..... And she can't move on! I told her if we move forward we are bound to fail cause the impurity of how it all began. So I told her even dumber we should meet and talk......if she really has any interest I told her lets go talk to a counselor and have them explain it all. Told her if she wants to talk let's talk but we need to walk away with closure and she needs to delete and remove all triggers of me!!! So it's 3 am and I'm up and back to day one!!!!

God help me!!!!!

<hugs> I'm so sorry that you are hurting. But I think you see why NC is the best way. I went NC for about 4 weeks before I caved and emailed my xAP cause I wanted to know how he was doing and such and I got a reply back. and my hubby found it. and like you, i found myself back at square one. You know all that she represents is heartache. I wish everyone had the type of closure we all seek. But with affairs, it seems its like a moth to a flame. You know its going to end badly but yet you cant stop the attraction and are powerles to walk away. I think you said all you needed to say. I cant believe she dumped you and then wanted your help....and actually thought she would get it...if she loses her job...thats on her. Please dont beat yourself up over this...

I have been renewed NC for a month now and it gets easier....trust me. Block her incoming email, delete her from FB and phone. You can do it....

Oh worse we are going to meet to talk tonight. My god....nuts

I am in no position to give advice, but I for some reason by saying it, it gives me a little extra courage to maybe do it myself: What do you think about emailing her back & cancelling the meeting? Then block her from that email address, mark it as spam or whatever you have to do. Have a friend go in & change the password so you can't get into it anymore.

I'm sorry....I know it hurts.