Any kind of assault by any partner is totally not cool and I hope you're OK. End it with the AP (if you haven't already) because that is just not healthy!

I have ended it. I only agreed to meet him and two of his male friends in a public venue to retrieve my phone charger. He followed me to my car to talk, where an argument began. I'm OK. Sore here and there with a few bruises.

It's my fault. I failed the NC rule.

Its never your fault when someone hurts you.
I'm so sorry.
I'm glad you ended it, he showed his true colors. I'm glad you are 'ok'.
.

Yes he did, shoretime. I was terrified. He's going to get away with hurting me and that is bothering me. I have to work on my anger and the bitterness.

As bad as all this was for you, and I am very sorry that he hurt you--I understand that he should not be able to get away with what he did. I understand that you are not in a position to notify the police about him without doing yourself more harm due to the secrecy thing, but perhaps you can turn the anger and bitterness that you feel towards him into gladness that he is now out of your life....permanently. The fact that he acted so badly just might help you not ever miss him or have any regrets about leaving the A---thus making NC much easier!

I just hope that he leaves you alone and that he does not cause further trouble going forward---it sounds like he has anger issues, which could make him seek revenge in other ways.

Thank you Sarah2220, he did threaten me with exposing pics to my husband if I ever notify his wife. I would not do that unless he doesn't leave me alone. He has never respected my NC rule in the past. I took pics of my bruises on my chest, arms and shared with his buddy's girlfriend who heard about what happened that night by my ex OM friend who was there at sports bar and witnessed first attack. (he slapped my forearm) in front of them before I walked out. You are right. I need to focus my emotions on positive thoughts like the holidays coming up..but right now I feel pain, resentment, sadness all the above...I am looking into another group on this website that helps with domestic abuse victims. Although we were not a real couple I feel I need help on how to cope with all this. But yes, thank goodness that he is finally out of my life 100%. I guess that was his way of closure.

I am assuming that you have blocked him from your phone, social media etc.? If not, that might be a good idea.
He does not need to know about anything going on in your life. You know, you could probably file a police report on him, not pressing charges but just to create a paper trail in case anything else happens. The police do not notify people in my state when a police report is filed on them unless there is a restraining order or pressing charges is involved. If he continues to bother you, just telling him that there is a police report on him on file might dissuade him from continuing to harass you. And you do have an advantage since he has a wife. If he were single, he could make your life so much worse without fear of repercussions on his end. I hope that you never have to deal with him again and that you can find closure and peace. The pain and sadness will fade away with time.

Yes, I have blocked him from my cell. The problem in the past is that he calls my work number and shows up to my office. I truly feel the only way to be sure he is gone is for me to change jobs. I am going to start searching for a new position. I have to do the work on my end as well and that is to KEEP the NC rule. As you may know my history with him is a long affair. 5 + years. .the difference now and has been for months is that I have changed and do not make arrangements to see him on a regular basis. I have moved to the next level and want to learn to live without A. He hasn't been happy about that for a long time it come to accept it. It is a great idea to say I filed a police report. Knowing him, he would confirm.

He is not in social media or active in it.

If we were in a Hollywood movie, my favorite scene would be to have a strong man rough him up and confiscate his cell phone so all pics can be deleted. Then give him a offer he won't refuse! Stay away from me or swim with the fishes!

If we're in a Hollywood movie, my favorite scene would be to have a strong man rough him up, confiscate his cell..so all our history is gone. Make him an offer he can't refuse. Stay away from me or swim with the fishes!

First of all, I would not contact him, not even to tell him you filed a police report. NC, total NC is for the best. And even if he contacts you and you tell him that, I do not believe that the police can give out any information to someone about whether a report was filed or not. You could confirm this with the police in your area. Good thing he is not into social media. The job change sounds like a good idea. Maybe you will find a much better job as a result. And yes, you know you need to keep the NC rule--but after what has happened with the violence, I would think that would be much easier now than before. It would be for me, I am sure. I wish you peace, and great luck in a new job search.

Thank you Sarah2220. I need all the luck I can get.

Ok so I know this advice is not very well received on this board but have you considered telling your H?

It seems that this douche bag is prepared to take this as far as he needs to to get a reaction out of you. He sounds mentally unstable and dangerous to the point where you should have a restraining order on him.

I know telling can (likely will) bring on months of a whole new hell but having this asshole out there always lurking in the shadows threatening to ruin you and then physically assaulting you has to be pure torture. I don't know your story beyond this post so maybe telling us also dangerous.

My cs took 10 years to tell me. 7 after his A ended. He described those 7 years as hell. He had finally ended the A and wanted a real marriage but it was impossible. I knew there were secrets and felt sure that therehad been some sort of A, he was trying to live with his double life and lies and was unable to give all of himself to our marriage.

There are many successful marriages that survived affairs. Of course there are many who ended it to but must bs had either made the choice to forgive or (had their cs been remorseful and willing to change) were willing to forgive.

My concern is this guy getting away with this and continuing to haunt you and eventually tell anyway. A DDAYS are better (if there can even be a better) when it's a confession from the cs rather than some AP sending pics.

Whatever you decide please be careful.