Please..... When I'm home I feel so connected but when I travel I get sucked into the AP. Especially cause I travel yo her home town.

We both talked last night for hours and both were driven to tears we both want to move forward but neither can. What's weird is we both experience something so special and once you make love to someone you are forever connected. There is a difference between having sex and making love. She told me she had sex e the new guy it was different than what we'd had.

It's all so sad too much pain to go around!

look for the thread called "new"

and seriously...i know its harder than hell but you HAVE to go NC. The longer you dont, the worse it gets. I think you know that from your first NC attempt. My xAP and I had something special too. No doubt about it. We shared a bond that few people do so I understand where you are coming from. But it took a long time for me to realize that yes, we had a bond that will probably never go away, but in order to pursue that bond, both of us would have to give up and risk EVERYTHING (give up jobs, family, friends, etc.) for the slight chance that we could work out.

If someone were to give you the ultimatum right now...your AP or your wife/family (you cant have both)...what would you pick?

Sooner or later your wife will find this out. and it will devastate her. and you. The fact taht your AP has already had sex with someone else says something...they will always say that it isnt the same...and it isnt. Being physical with my AP was different than my husband. not comparing who is better or worse but it is different. my AP lured me in with things like "my wife doesnt want to have sex anymore...she never pleasured me the way you do...only you have made me feel this way...etc" and while i am sure there was a grain of truth in that, it doesnt change the fact that i was having sex with a married man and he was having sex with another guys wife. And that is just wrong. and it took me a long time to own up to it.

Does she even care that you are married? She wants you to leave your family for her and her kids when you know in your gut you will be divorce #4 for her eventually. Im sure she had a special connection at one point or another with every guy she was married to. just like you know you had/have a specail connection to your wife.


You HAVE to go NC. Permanently. Just like I was telling Mary, the longer you guys prolong the goodbye conversations, the harder it will be. I was doing the whole goodbye conversation with my xAP for a month cause I couldnt let him go...and it was one of THOSE conversations that my hubby stumbled upon that turned into our D-Day. Every day you still talk to her, check FB, etc. is one day closer to D-Day. DO you really want to risk that? YOu've said what you need to say, she is going to say and do everything to not lose you. Every time you give in, you put your marriage more and more at risk.

Interesting view and I would probably pick certainty meaning wife. What is so weird my wife is willing craving everything my AP gives me. Sitting on the couch kissing holding and wine drinking. I've tested some of it snc brings me to conclude we both checked out and we both don't know how to check back in.

What is weird it's not even a looks thing it's everything else the emotional things.

I think oh my AP loves a back rub that turns into making love and cuddling and talking after..... Think my wife would love the same..... Of course!!! And yo boot we have deep experience we could talk about and relive happiness. That is what is weird... You start to think your wife can't provide what the AP is providing but the reality is she is dying to do it!!!! Don't know if that is what you found...

Rather interesting how your mind plays tricks on you!

Restore, you sound like you're on the right path. Keep doing things with your W. It takes time but before you know it, xAP will be just that, an X.

Still makes me sad

Sadness is part of the process. When I think about my xAP at first I smile to myself at how close we were & what fun we had. Then a sadness comes over me but not for long. It does get better.

Feel lost can't give up the past afraid of the future. Never in my life have I been afraid of the future.

it will tkae time to rebuild stuff with your wife. but every day you are capable of doing that. sounds like she wants to be closer to you. and i htink you want to be closer to her.

you know what you have to do to preserve and protect your future. the future is a scary thing but i think you know what you want.

it is the scariest thing in the world though. i totally get it.

So amazing how more aware I'm becoming working from home walked by my daughter she hugged me. That would be gone w AP. You start to notice the little things.

:-) your family loves you. she is your little girl...you leave for your AP you lose that...

one day. one moment at a time.

Cried when she did that and she's 20 and still is my little girl!!

Hope I sleep

Hey Restore -

Check this post I made. May help you make sense of some of your feelings.

Good luck!
http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/cheatersanonymous/discussions/messages/18446215

Thanks for your post sam. So true.

Will someone please explain all the acronyms. BS and CS I got. A for affair, right? NC? AP?

Wow, you sound like you're going through what I'm going through. The woman I was having an emotional affair with broke up with me (I'm the married husband, she's the separated but dating woman). I've been shocked by the devastation of the loss of the love, my friend, the affair, the friendship. Yes, restoremylove is probably right - how dumb for having an affair. But the loss at the end of that affair is far more real than I ever would have guessed. Panic, anxiety, grieving. Denial. Wish I could take back those few words that set this wheel in motion. Jealousy of the new boyfriend. Inability to explain all this to my wife. And more.

Just realized, NC is no cheating, right? Well, I'm on day 7, and I'm still devastated.