I am sorry....I lost my Mom's father to bladder cancer.....I am an alcoholic.....I think that his behavior is uncalled for....I do not know what to say about your mom....it appears she is in a funk....let it go...be there for her when she needs you....hugs

I don't know if his drinking is the root of the problem, or if it is a side effect. But if left unchecked it will become a problem all of its own.

A lot has been written about how to interact with alcoholics, my thoughts are that Al-Anon is a good place to start. That organization is designed for people who have friends, family members, or loved ones who have problems with alcohol. They may be able to help you understand your mother's actions, and then help you come up with a method of dealing with your mother.

From my viewpoint, your mom is faced with losing her husband; that is a terrible thing to consider. I don't know what I would do if my wife had cancer. His drinking really complicates matters. If your mom is ignoring your calls and texts, then you might need to be more proactive and visit her in person.

Do you have siblings? Other family members that are close? It may be helpful to have a meeting wtih them to talk about your parents and what options you all have.

Gentle hugs, you are really in a hard situations.

Big hug for you Tender..... This is an all around painful situation and I'm so sorry you are going through this

I agree that Al Anon might be a really good support for you..... It's important to have boundaries
If this is not characteristic of your Dad you might want to call his doctor to let him/her know what's going on or call the nursing station and talk to one of the nurses

Your mother may be feeling grief..... She is handling it in a passive/aggressive way but I don't know how she normally deals with things.... This is such a hard place to be for all of you however this is your moms' life partner

Huge hug of comfort and a blessing..... Being a caregiver to my parents is probably the hardest thing that I've ever done......xo

Yes, I think you are both right about Al-Anon. My dad has been an alcoholic all his life and I need to know what is really going on here. The more we don't enable his behavior and drinking the more help and realization he has. He falls and goes to the hospital and has no choice but to sober up. Then he can't walk because he is too weak and they won't let him out of bed so he needs rehab. He likes to refuse rehab but he sees that my mom may not help him at home so he now decided to go to rehab so he can walk again and take care of himself.
I think my mom is mad at my dad for continuously doing this in and out of the hospital for falling due to drinking. She hasn't talked to me in like a week or more. When she finally contacts me, it's nothing about my dad and all about meds for the cat. When the hospital calls my mom to take him to rehab she says she is too fatigued to take him. She finally agreed to get all his stuff and bring him to rehab.
Siblings? My brother who is POA for my dad didn't even know he just got a pace maker and when I told him what all was going on and that my brother is POA he just ignored me. Out of sight , out of mind. Must be nice.

Sounds like your mom wants to ignore the problem, This may be her way of dealing with it. Perhaps just talk to her about what ever she wants to talk about, and wait for an opportunity to work your dad into the conversation. Something short, perhaps "I hope that dad does better this time".

Yes after a care plan meeting at rehab center for my dad , he went to the bathroom and my mom said to me, I hate his drinking. Getting his beer, so much recycling. She said, he can go walk or take a taxi next time he wants a beer.
My dad said he won't drink again when he goes back home. He looks so healthy now! Starting to walk, stomach not bloated, eating food. Like a normal person. So hopefully home health PT and possibly psych nurse at home after he is released will help. I told the social worker to have the psych nurse visit him. I really just need to force him to do things like AA, therapy sessions, out w family. Or he's just going to go back to same old same old. Let's see how forcing goes. And making him do things. This could get ugly. What a minute this reminds me of my dead beat ex husband that still lives in my house and I have to force him to do things all day otherwise he sleeps in bed all day from 9-3 pm. and does nothing. Uh! My life!

Good luck!!.... It's really hard to accept our loved ones making poor choices .... You can have boundaries though and so can your mom if she's willing to

There are some really good episodes of Intervention of Youtube and it shows really clearly co dependency and enabling... If your mom is willing to watch it, it may help..... Big hug.....xo