Last week it was I don't have any medication. This week is the lights and gas are going to be turned off. All this to get more money out of me. In the medication issue, I ignored it while monitoring the truthfulness of the statement. Then I discovered my father was lying and had already purchased his medication.

Hedge in place, score one for me.

Then today, one of the hottest days in recent history, I get the hysterical phone call about the lights being cut off. I need 400 dollars, he said. Here's the thing. I don't have that kind of money lying around. I made ten dollars an hour last month. I'm commissioned, so you never know. My father has a steady income of over 4000 a month, his house is underwater because he kept refinancing it, and there is no way he could ever pay it off in his lifetime and probably not mine.

So, I put my hedge in place, the one that allows me to walk away emotionally while being there for him physically, and I offered him an option which will surprise people who know my story. I said to him, come stay with me. I've got airconditioner and an extra room. Bring the dog too. I'll come pick you up.

And he started shouting about how he couldn't leave his house alone, that someone might come in and get things(nothing worth anything there, mind you. The dog has chewed up the sofa, the tables, and everything else. There's no jewels either and no money. So why would a thief go out on one of the hottest days in history to steal from an old house that has only an old tv set as it's only valuable.)

Anyhow, I calmly--and I mean this took effort--I calmly listened to his shouts about how he would rather die than to leave his home, and how he's worked all his life, and how he can't be told what to do. And I said, well it's an offer. That's all. You don't have to take it. Then I told him I can't force him to leave his home, but it is only a material thing and to remember what the bible says about that. Dead silence, then the screaming started again, saying the same thing. He'd hooked his nails in and wasn't going to change no matter what I said.

So, I let him scream and calmly told him to call me if he changes his mind. Then I said goodbye and hung up.

So, another instance of walking away emotionally while being there physically.

What I plan to do is to check on him each day. I'll visit and call. I'm keeping in mind that this is a trick. Someone recently called him asking for money and I know he wants to give it to them. He likes to show off in that regard. So, this is a trick to get me to cave. I did so last year and am now suffering finacially for it. Now, I have no choice. Unless my commission rate goes up, I'm looking at some lean times and unlike him, I don't have someone who'd offer me their place to stay if I can't pay my electric bill. It's so sad since last year I moved in with him to help him. If I'd been there, I would have paid all the utilities, cables, and even his mortgage, but I can't pay for his place and mine.

I'm also considering the worst case scenario: What if he's not lying and the electric goes off, leaving him, an 83 year old man who thinks he's still 30, but acts like a two-year old, with no air conditioning.
Well, if this happens, I'll call the cops and report him as mentally incompetent. If that happens, he'll move in with me and still have air conditioning. I'll also have a police report on file as to his mental incompetence. This can go a long way if I need to have him committed. He's admitted to me that he's not mentally sound and has never been mentally sound.

So, here's the thing. It is my job to see that he is okay and that he is cared for. It is also my job to see that I'm okay and that I'm cared for. Fulfilling both of these is difficult. He's 83, I'm 54. I'm here for him. But I will have no one when I get old. There will be no one to offer me a cool home to stay in on hot days. There will be no one to give me money either. Yes, I have a step-daughter who says she'll be there for me, but lets face it, biological children are walking away from their parents now. I'm convinced that we baby boomers are the last self-sacrifising generation. Once we're old many of us could end up living on our own. Add in the recession, lack of jobs for the young, etc, they may not be able to help us oldsters even if they wanted to. Theres is the first generation with absolutely no pensions and SS may not be around when they are old. Heck, they may need help from us.

So, back to the present. It's not a great sacrifise for my father to come stay with me. I have the space and a cool air conditioned apartment. I'm easy to get along with. It makes no sense for me to end up financially ruined all for him to save an unsavable house that no one wants.

Okay, hedge in place.