The author of Elder Rage or Take My Father Please, made the suggestion of recording the conversations of an abusive parent. This gives you proof to show to a doctor or someone else who can help. Otherwise, it's your word against the parent. And some parents, sick with dementia or other mental illinesses, are quite adept at appearing normal when needed.

It's also useful if your parent is prone to lying about things. My dad called people up and said I'd been taking his money when it was actually reversed. He also spent two years trying to get me to find him a lawyer so that he could setup a will. Finally, I relented and paid for a pre-paid legal service for him. They sent out some forms for him to fill out at which point he started calling people telling them that I was trying to force him to fill out some will papers. Now imagine how that sounds and perilous position this could put me in.

Anyhow, I purchased a cheap recording devise to use over the telephone as I no longer live with him. It took seconds to set up and I now have 4 recordings and won't need anymore. I sent one to a well respected cousin who is a pastor at a large church. Now I have proof and whatever lies he decides to tell people will not become a threat to me. Also, I can take these to his doctor if it comes to that.

I can't tell you how much better this made me feel knowing that I was no longer alone in this. The stress melted like butter.

I hated doing it. It felt so wrong. But if he's a danger to the public or me I need to be able to get him help and do it as quicly as possible. Like the book says, the tapes can't be used in court, but they can be used with a doctor to get help. That's all I want.