I think that it is best to start "early". Start discussing decisions with her, decisions about her life, her health care, her living conditions, etc. If you get yourself established with POA over heathcare and fincances, this is another good way to ease into the role reversal.

You can start diminishing the child role for you by resisting her orders, especially when it comes to your life.


Sooo, any specifics yet?

I mostly got a pass from my mom, she had dementia, so she did not order me at all; dad mostly took care of her. When dad saw his time coming he started asking me for advice, and resisting situations where he gave me advice. So that transition went smoothly. He also died much earlier than I anticipated.

My MIL is another story, my wife is, by the way you sound, a bit further along in that road than you are. It is difficult, her mom can be very stubborn. But then so can she.

Mr. Pepper, I am so sorry for your loss. Even when it is expected the pain and loss is still sooo hard.

My Mil is also another story. She is so demanding and not pleasant to be around. To make matters worse she is so hard of hearing so a good conversation is next to impossible.

I wish you and Mrs. Pepper all the love and strength having to deal with an aging parent. I pray often that I won't resent what we are dealing with.

Hugs.

Mom has always loved her independence - so I suspect a switch to dependence will be difficult for her. I've watched her manage her latest falls - and she's in denial about how frail she is, as well as thinking she "knows better than the doctor" about her recovery time (this latest fall she suffered a major fracture in her tibia/knee). In all honesty, I think aging will bring her a very rude awakening. Regarding our role switch - right now things are the same, she's still the parent, me the adult child. Its not that she's bossy or giving out orders, but i can see that possibly down the road as she grows more frustrated with her own mortality. But I may be completely wrong - maybe she'll be ok. Im kind of getting ahead of myself a little. But I just thought of this topic the other day and thought I'd see how people feel here.

Oh, and i volunteer at a senior center and the VA. And I've seen situations where older people have a younger person with them - maybe an adult child or aid - and they're kind of bossing them around. And i think jesus, I hope that wont be me!

My Mom has always been sharp. And still. Even on the tests and all. However, take away the routine that sustains her and she is a hot mess. So, to all my family she is still a controlling difficult individual.
I have way less experience than you. But admire those who work in the senior centers. It probably is easier with people who are not related?
I feel lucky to have leared a few "slogans."
Repeating more positive words she still uses.
There are few but I'll take it!

I hear you about that routine thing. My MIL has a few very key events in the day that must be recognized for their importance. The arrival of the mail is a key event, she must get her mail as soon as possible. The closing of the stock market is another key event; she records her stocks, reviews them, and makes decisions about buying and selling. (God lover her for that, she is very diligent about it!) She does not seem to enjoy eating much, but she really needs to know what is for dinner.

I bet your mom has her routine, and I'm betting that if parts of it don't already amuse (or annoy??) you, then that will come soon.

What you said is exactly true. As ages, our parents become more likely to be kids! We must take care of them. I am facing a similar situation. We must be more patient and kind in such circumstances.

Well my almost 70 year old mother is in transition to move in with us. Still physically strong and capable.. she fails to recognize that I am a 45 year old adult. This is actually one of my biggest points of contention with having her live here. Sometimes she will openly direct me & I remind her that I'm a grown up . We're still doing this weird dance of boundaries. I just wanted to live here and enjoy us and her grandkids. I don't need to be mothered anymore... "yes I know my socks are on my bedroom floor and they are fine right there because I'm a grown-ass woman in my own house."