Caring For Aging Parents Support Group
Caring for aging parents can be a difficul time as we become the caretakers for our parents. This broad responsibility can encompass such services as assisted living, adult day care, long term care, nursing homes, hospice care, and in-home care. Whether you have just started caring for your parents or just need a place to talk, we're here.
Does depression just go along with getting old? It's such a tough thing to deal with at times. E.g., I just mentioned at the breakfast table that we were calling our SMALL sitting room our "entertainment cave" now that we got our Wii game and TV monitor set up there. We had made jokes about it being Layne's "man cave" or what it actually was, a "ladies' sitting room" in this almost 100 yr old house. To us, the "entertainment cave" is rather a funny turn of phrase... but she just frowned and shook her head. It's so very hard to get even a smile out of her, let alone a laugh.
I try so hard to cheer her up but nothing seems to work. For one thing, she's sooo deaf now that mostly she just doesn't hear what is said unless I really raise & project my voice - AND look her in the face (so she can lip-read, I suspect). Much of the time she just sits on the sofa and groans with each breath, altho' she says she's not in pain when sitting.
It gets me down. It gets old trying to talk with her, have any sort of upbeat conversation. Only when she is at her job at the Visitor's Center (yes, she still works 1-day-a-wk at age 94!!) does she put on a little bit of a happy face. I'm sure that's just for the visitors' sake.
Anyway, this is just venting... many of you have it MUCH worse than I do and I am very aware that I'm lucky in many ways.
I try so hard to cheer her up but nothing seems to work. For one thing, she's sooo deaf now that mostly she just doesn't hear what is said unless I really raise & project my voice - AND look her in the face (so she can lip-read, I suspect). Much of the time she just sits on the sofa and groans with each breath, altho' she says she's not in pain when sitting.
It gets me down. It gets old trying to talk with her, have any sort of upbeat conversation. Only when she is at her job at the Visitor's Center (yes, she still works 1-day-a-wk at age 94!!) does she put on a little bit of a happy face. I'm sure that's just for the visitors' sake.
Anyway, this is just venting... many of you have it MUCH worse than I do and I am very aware that I'm lucky in many ways.
Something else to consider is that you and mom are two different people. You have lived away for many years. So don't expect that you are going to be 100% compatible. You both need your space and you need to accept each other's beliefs. Unfortunately you will probably find that your mom is not going to change so that leaves it up to you to do the accommodating or adjusting. For example if you know mom is cheap then don't do things like donating in front of her. Also accept that mom is feeling powerless and any chance to zing you is a success for her.
Hearing aides are helpful, but at least in my Mom's case not the whole story. A lot of the time she does not "hear" because her thoughts are racing and she is not paying attention.
If I want her to hear me I find it helpful to approach her when background noise is low.
It also helps if I start the conversation facing her directly.
Once I do these two things all of a sudden she can hear me just
fine..
Mom has always been the type of person who is not happy unless she has something to get worked up about.
But if I can get her to calm down and pay attention I can read to her and we can get chuckling over old family stories.
I had a really nice day with her yesterday doing just that!
My darling husband (is that DH here?) just called to say she's feeling bad and wants me to come back down... so I will but I don't really know what to say. He says she feels (probably) like I was talking about here even tho' I don't feel like I was... but I guess I can see why she would think that.
Wish me luck...