I would have a private service.

Here's how I came to this decision. No one, not a single person has stepped up to help, to provide a break.

I don't care to hear, 'call me if you need help'. If you were willing to help, you'd be over and see exactly what help is needed.

I am now the only living child of my mother. My brother, who passed last year, was planning to visit this fall to give me a break, and he was helping with suggestions for everything. He lived a long ways away so was not available easily.

You have the fact that for two years, you provided the only hands on help. Whatever their reason was to leave it all in your hands, is still valid to the end.

Condolences on your loss. Do the small private service and grieve and move on. Take time to take care of you first, and let your feelings out in entirety.

I just realized you are the daughter-in-law and your husband is the son. The decision still holds. It's rough in a situation like this.

Having just buried a parent, I think you should do a full service, she would have wanted it that way, and do the best you can as your last act. Good people frequently look back on whether they could have done something more and the full service is the best. Call the daughters, advise them of plans. You can do this gracefully and econonomically.

So sorry for your loss. It is such a difficult time and so many decisions to make. I so hope that you have support. For me is was so good to get it all done in one day.

There was the viewing, Mass, then the rosary.

I’m sorry for your loss. Did your mother in law ever indicate in any way the kind of service she wanted? I would just think about what she wanted; not the family who haven’t been around. I’m kind of in the same situation with my mom. She has Dementia too. I take care of her, but I’m getting her to let me know what she wants so I won’t be at such a loss. Blessings.

Sorry to hear of your loss. I agree with Bobby5000. I would include all the relatives. I am sorry you and your husband were the only ones who helped. And now your saddled with much more. Praying for you and your husband.

I asked my children what they would suggest and as
Bobby mentioned, a full service that you arrange would provide a way to present closure for everyone.

Condolences to you and to all who have buried a parent and having to choose whether to have a full service or a small private service. Not knowing what the parent wants.

In my case, my mother has said it doesn't matter to her since she will not be here. Funerals are for the living. Thinking of you through this difficult challenge.

I’d do something very simple and make it open. Why inflict pain upon other people by excluding them.? This makes us no better than them. We resent because we had expectations of the people who didn’t perform to our standards, needs, or requirements. This is as much us as them. Not everyone is capable of loving and giving. Some people have things going on in their lives that they simply can’t help others. Your heart will be lighter if you can focus on what you do have rather than being resentful and focused on how others failed to meet expectations. It’s a gift to ourselves to let go of our resentment. Be proud of yourself that you were there for this loved one. These unhelpful ones have to wrestle with their own failures in life. My condolences to you, dementia is a difficult thing.

Thank you all for the input. I'm leaning towards open service. Of course my husband has the final say. We would be cutting off support to ourselves if it's private. I only go to funeral services of those I love. I have to think the same here. I don't want any regrets. That can be on them. It is their mother after all. To deny them would be creating more resentment. I fear confrontation. I guess if his sisters try doing this to me I can refer them to my husband. He'll tell them who has done what, and where have you been? I don't know why I had hoped for help from his one supposed good sister. But then, my husband isn't asking her.