Learn how to say NO.

coming from someone who understands, and my situation is no where like yours, you cant do this. look into getting an aide to do the health care work, ask the hospital if they can help. if you don't set boundaries now and say no I cant do all this, then it will never end and become more difficult to get out of. speak up for you, you need to. keep posting

It sounds like:

your parents have made up their minds that either you or your sister need to take care of them

they asked her first and she said no, which they accepted

then they asked you, but are not willing to take "no" from you.


I agree with TroJan, you need to tell them that you can't do it. How is your relationship with your sister? If the 2 of you agree that neither of you can do it then perhaps a united front.

My MIL had a nasty fall several years ago. Her children united and told her that she HAD to go to assisted living until she could perform most of her activities of daily living (ADL). Once she did that then her daughters spent a couple weeks each living with her to help her adjust to her new way of life. (Her shoulder never recovered from the fall, but she now knows how to compensate for the lack of mobility.)

Don't be afraid to propose different methods of support to your parents. Most of all if they continue to ask too much just say "NO!"

Gentle hugs

If your parents are content to accept a No response from your sister then why is the same response from you an issue?

I'd say, let go of the guilt and do as Trojan stated, just say no.

There's always one child in the family that gets everything dumped in their laps while the other siblings are treated like royalty in the family.

In my opinion, you should say no, you can't do all that they expect, but I do think you and your sister have to get someone in the mix who can help. I agree with Ann54, you must talk to a doctor or social services and have help.

Also, as much as I like dogs, (have 2), your parents should not be getting a new dog at this point in their lives. Not fair to the dog or to them or the caregiver they may eventually need to have.

I think you need to set up boundaries, but just saying no without any alternatives to help them is not very loving, either. They are your parents. Get help. Take care of you, have someone help take care of them.

Yes! Definitely not the time to add a dog to the mix!

I talk to my mom and she understands about what my boundaries are. And I explained to her about bipolar, and she will be getting a nurse to help. But the dog thing is still going to happen, which is upsetting to me. My sister don't have the time, but her being a alcoholic she has weird priorities. The dog is going to be in the way. Ma said no but, she is sick with a hoarding problem, so she has no priorities, just always getting stuff. Social services did step in before, but said they are ok, the hospital called on them about 4 months ago. So at least they understand what I can only do for them. I will not.neglect my boys andhusband, they come 1st, then I attend to my parents and only what I do now, not stretch it any further. Amen

I am happy that you are standing strong on this one!

I just hope you and your sister can monitor the dog issue, and alert the humane authorities if the dog's situation gets bad.

Gentle hugs

Glad you stood up for yourself and are getting some outside help in!

Do you know where the dog will be coming from?

Maybe it would be a good idea to fill the current owners or humane society people in on the situation.

Angie, don't let them take your life away, they must get help and pay for it. Someone else will have to learn how to change tubes and give shots. Tell them it's out of the question, you have to take care of your own family. They may need a live in caregiver.

My mom wants a nurse to come in, but she dosnt want just anyone. She wants someone who who someone she new. Our family had problems with a nurse thst took care of my great uncle. This so called nurse/caregiver stole 50 thousand dollars from him, drug him and who nows what else. When I noticed she was slacking, I took the keys from her. Then she took off to Iran. The authorities never found her. Its scary getting help for the elderly.

There are reputable companies who provide home health care professionals. They will charge an overhead so they are more expensive, but if you stick with one that is licensed, insured and bonded you have recourse if something bad happens.

Have you spoken to Hospice. They will give you a free consultation and even is your parents are not ready for that type of care yet they are a fountain of great information and Medicare pays for it