First of all, NO WORRIES about your post. It was not complaining, it was venting and reaching out.

And that is what we are here for! We seek and offer support here.

In a perfect world our parents would realize their limitations, and then they would work in harmony with their spouse (if still living) and their children to find a good solution.

Unfortunately our parents seldom do this. And that can be the starting point of most issues.

It is a huge balancing act between what our parents want, what is best for them, and what is affordable. Most of the time we tend to work within what is affordable, bias the rest to our parents wishes, and bite our tongues when it comes to our version of what is best!

If your father can not walk then it is clear that he can NOT live independently. That is a given, and there can be no contradiction of that.

So one huge issue is to get your father to admit that he can not live alone. This is a huge issue for many of our parents, one that forces them to rewrite their image of themselves and to swallow a lot of pride.

Getting your siblings on board can be difficult as it can bring up many of the family dynamics that they wish to leave behind them. But in the long run it is best if you can work as a team. Don't force them to see things your way, rather work on getting them to see things as they are.

Their argument that "you should have him move in with you" can be a hard one. Perhaps the easiest way to deal with that is to broaden it a bit and suggest that all 4 of you (did I get the count right?) consider opening up your homes for him. Perhaps a rotating thing with each of you taking him for a few months or so? That should get the conversation opened up to assisted living and other options.

Make sure you have all the necessary "powers of attorney" to get things done. You need legal access to his medical records, you need to be able to make decisions for him in the event that he is not able, you need to monitor his finances.

Others here have walked the finance jungle better than I have, so I'll let them chip in. They have learned that it is not a simple thing, especially if you are going to need government assistance.

Sorry to be so long winded.

Yes, it is overwhelming. Learn to laugh as much as possible. (Read our posts here, there are some doozies!)

Gentle hugs, and welcome!!!!!

Ditto to everything pepper says and also please don't feel guilty for doing what had to be done.

Good on YOU for being the only sibling willing to take the bull by the horns. VERY important to get the paper work done.

Someone, probably you needs to get medical and general powers of attorney so you can handle the decisions that need to be made.

Ann, I have been assisting seniors and their families for over 16 years with the many issues they encounter. You are NOT alone!

I would suggest the following:

1. Do not consider moving your father into your home unless there is a financial crisis. If you do, ensure you have caregivers to help.

2. Engage the services, if financially possible, of a geriatric case manager/social worker. This person is worth every cent! They have the expertise to navigate through the problems/issues of aging and can also act as a buffer between you and your siblings. Google National Association of Geriatric Care Managers or National Association of Social Workers.

3. Contact your local county's social service agency and local senior center for references to assist with your problems.

4. Cancel the guilt trip. You are responsible for ensuring your father is in a save environment, is receiving proper caregiving and getting good medical attention. There is not much more you can do.

5. There are several publications available on Amazon or through your library that can point you in the right direction and answer your questions.

I have written a book on the very subject of parenting your elderly parents but cannot promote it here. However, if you have any questions, do not hesitate to ask.

Thank you for your support! Just to update things on my father, I am feeling a little better about things. Still struggling with some of the decisions, but I know they are the right ones for now.

I do have all the legal paper work done. Power of Attorney, Medical Power of Attorney and I am working on his finances and bills.

My oldest sister has taken my mother in, she is disabled, but is pretty much independent. I can't ask her to do more with my Dad and even though at times I feel she is needed to help with his care too, I have to understand she is taking care of my mother.

This week has been crazy, my father in law has been diagnosed with a blood cancer and stage 2 kidney failure, and just like in my fathers case, I am the one taking care of him as well. His other children live all across the country and can't come to help. He is in the hospital and will be for the next 4 or 5 days. I have his wife to check in on, as we were told due to her health issues. She has Alzheimer's and is a diabetic. She tends to resent me taking care of things and can become angry very quickly. Her anger results in yelling at me and throwing things. Today, she was very grateful for my help, which makes it a little easier to cope with.

My husbands job takes him away from home, so all this has been left up to me to handle, which concerns him. He has been very supportive with me and has helped in the decision process. There is still a lot to get in order for him and I both.

Thanks again for your comments.......Ann

Ann I so understand and it is hard to make the right choices! Hugs to you!

Glad to hear that your husband is supportive. Often when we are called to care for our parents our spouses and children resent the time it takes.

My husband has been wonderful in many ways. He lets me vent about mom's crazyness and will then give me good advice that brings me back to reality. He has also picked up the slack when I have had to fly to mom. My kids have also been very good. I regret that I haven't been able to be with them as my parents problems unfolded but I can't be in two places at once.

So remember to thank you husband. He sounds like a great guy.

Update on Dad......he called me last night and told me he cancelled his therapy appointment for today. He said he was back at the ranch and he wasn't going to drive back up here for it, he would just reschedule it. He told me he had just finished up the chores and had come inside to rest. He had been to town shopping and was enjoying walking around again. At the end of the conversation, he said he had to go find Natalie (his gf of 30+years), she was taking a nap in another bedroom. I didn't have the heart to tell him he wasn't at the ranch and he wasn't up walking around. Natalie has been in a nursing home for the last 3 years with Alzheimer's.

I had my sister call him and he insisted he was still at the ranch and that he had to go to town and get his driver's license today because it expired. He was upset the caregiver that came in wouldn't let him get up and walk, he had been doing it all day, but was glad they went to the ranch with him..

I knew he was still here in the assisted living facility, but couldn't seem to get him to realize that.

I talked to him this morning and he still believes he is at the ranch, but asked questions about my husband being home, what we had got done and when his next flight was. He asked if my son was pitching today and wish him luck.

I'm not sure what is going on, this isn't the first time he has done this, but this was far worse than before. I will talk to the doctor and see what he thinks, if its just a side effect of his medication or if something else is going on we need to be aware of and treat.

Its so hard to see him going through this, I am lost as what needs to be done. I feel if I took him back to the ranch he wouldn't want to come back and/or he slip into a state of depression and that would set his recovery back. He hasn't admitted his limitation and that there isn't any way possible for him to live at the ranch or live alone.

I have started keeping a daily journal of events, someday I know they will bring a smile to my face. Just wish it was easier at the moment.

Well if he is in a safe place maybe you don't need to change anything. If he thinks he is still on the ranch maybe no harm in just going along with it.

I agree. There is no reason to challenge a delusion. The most important thing is he is safe. Just talk with him where ever he is in his mind. He appears to be in a place that made him happy.