It does seem you have done everything she needs to survive. There is nothing wrong with taking a step back, to take care of you.

That is a lot you need some time. You say she is in full time care, how often do you go see her? I have taken care of my Mom on and off for 10 yrs. She has lived with me for three and then in own apt. for six, but I was still there for night trips and long trips the two years she could drive. She has been in full time semi assisted living for awhile, so all I do is take her to eye appointments, and over to my house, or to lunch.

Sometimes I just step back and tell her she won't see me for awhile. I do not have to worry as she is in a good place and the NP comes there so all I need to do is get her to specialist if needed, but it is rough. She is still just sundowners but getting worse on some days and I use your words that I no more left to give. That is when I have to say she has all she needs and I cannot go over there for a few days. I work on letting go of guilt.

It is so hard to just let go and not worry, but I can't change that her mind is going and she is the child and I am the adult. If you do not take care of you no one will.

My parents are very old and still independent. But I'm scared of what is to come. They seem to be slipping more rapidly lately.

You must take care of you, I agree.

Hugs and Smiles!

I think we can all relate to how you are feeling so don't feel alone in what is going on with your thought process. But always remember, and I have had to learn this, that you have to come first or your health will fail as well. Then you are not good to anyone, especially yourself. Hugs GB

I am so sorry for your situation. It is hard, and there is never a really good win-win situation.

Some questions though, ...

I was not sure from what you wrote, does your mother still live with you or does she live in assisted living of some kind/degree?

Are there any other family members who can share in her care?

How is your health doing, other than being tired and drained from taking care of your mother?

Gentle hugs, and I do hope that you are able to get some much needed time to yourself.

I guess I wasn't real clear, kinda rambling. Mom did live with us for three years, but then had to go into full time care. I have her home three days a week - one full day and two days form about 3-9 p.m. I work four days a week - my kids are grown up - one still in uni. I have siblings, but none are here and I am the only one to care for my Mom. I have her overnight for holidays and special occasions like birthdays, etc. My kids have grown up with her in this state, so I have missed lots of things with them. My husband is amazing, but again, we have missed out on a lot because of the situation. Guess I am just feeling very worn out and wanting to vent. some days, it is hard to get out of bed. my health is fine, other than panic attacks that started with all of this. Thanks so much for all the nice thoughts, I appreciate it.

Oh, annalee47, I can totally relate to your feelings. It's both my mom and dad in assisted living for almost 5 years now. I am comfortable with their care, although they hate it. They tell me about it all the time, there is never a place when they are happy. But then, I thought, they were like that in their younger years too! Never happy anywhere. So my "quilt" is eased a bit. I have done everything, and continue to, to make their lives better, but; the truth is, this is a season they will have to just go through. We all do in our own way. You love her. You have done everything. Now, start giving yourself credit and let go a bit! Hugs and Blessings to you. I totally here you and you are never alone!!