Caring For Aging Parents Support Group
Caring for aging parents can be a difficul time as we become the caretakers for our parents. This broad responsibility can encompass such services as assisted living, adult day care, long term care, nursing homes, hospice care, and in-home care. Whether you have just started caring for your parents or just need a place to talk, we're here.
As of right now, my mom is in a rehab center to heal some bedsores she has. My mom also suffers from delusions. She never use to until this past Fall when her mental health took a turn for the worse. She has always had mental illness but its so much worse now... more than ever. She has delusions a lot of the time and I never know when to believe what she is saying. For example: She was crying that they were treating her terribly because "they hosed her down". I asked the nurse what she did mean and she said, "We gave her a shower." My question is... how do I know who's right? We hear about eldery abuse or nursing home abuse on a daily basis in this world - and how do I know who's telling the truth? She claims they make fun of her and her body, they won't turn her TV on, they hosed her down but how do I know these are OR arent delusions? The nurses say they don't but that doesn't mean anything to me. She has no visable signs of abuse but I'm not sure what to go by. Any advice?
Another thing, she isn't getting the proper pills for her mental health. As I said, she NEVER had delusions until this past fall. I have continually asked for a pshychtrist to be brought to the room and every place always tell me they will get one but I don't think they do. And then when I tell them she needs a certain pill, they all say "It is as needed and she needs to ask for it." But then they go on about she refuses some pills and also won't ask for them. So what happens then? She gets no medicine because she can't ask for it! Any advice?
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
When my dad was in a nursing home I spent a lot of time there, and often went with him to his therapy. He did not try very hard, not the way that he would have if he had been 10 years younger and recovering from hip replacement surgery. So I knew that his therapists were really trying with him and not abusing him.
As for showers, I never helped them give dad a shower, but I saw the shower room. I remember it being a very big room, big enough for a water proof wheelchair and a couple of assistants. (Larger people like my dad may need 2 or 3 people to help wash him.) The shower head was on a flexible hose, so to her mind it may have looked like a hose, hence the hoseing her off comment.
The more you get involved, the better care your mom is likely to get. (Be positive, appreciate the staff, ask them how you can help, etc. Nice squeaky wheel, not annoying squeaky wheel. My wife, a long time nurse, stressed the importance of the nice part!)
I was able to talk to the administrators at my dad's place; that helped a lot. If you have power of attorney for your mom's medical things you can get the charts from the doctors and let them know that you are directing them to make sure that your mom gets specific meds. She may refuse, but if you have a good rapport with the staff who interacts with your mom they are more likely to suggest to your mom that she take the blue pill. (Or the green one, or the triangle one, or what ever the one that she needs but is not getting.)
Gentle hugs, I've lived through it, but my parents only lasted a month in nursing homes so my battles were not very long. Sigh, in a way I wish I was still fighting those battles, and in a way I am glad that they are at peace with God now.
I'm guessing that it's true that she had a shower.... I've seen elderly freak out when their clothes are removed and they are showered or bathed as they think something bad is happening to them in their confusion
I personally haven't heard of nursing home abuse on a daily or routine basis at least here.... Usually when it has happened it's a huge deal and all over of the news
I think most people who work in the health field are kind and caring people but as you've written not all are
I agree to ask to speak to a manager and see if you can be a substitute decision maker with regards to meds legally??
You'd have to consult a lawyer for this if she's confused presently
She has a right to refuse medication otherwise
I know that this would be hard to bear..... Gentle hug......xo
And how are YOU holding up? My mom hasn't had a crisis that required a hospital stay, but that has got to be stressful in it's own way.
Be good to yourself.