Caring For Aging Parents Support Group
Caring for aging parents can be a difficul time as we become the caretakers for our parents. This broad responsibility can encompass such services as assisted living, adult day care, long term care, nursing homes, hospice care, and in-home care. Whether you have just started caring for your parents or just need a place to talk, we're here.
I am new to this group, so I wanted to post my situation and reason for joining and welcome any advice I can get. I am not a fulltime caretaker at this point. Right now my parents are doing everything for themselves. However I am the only child, I live a few houses down from them. My dad was recently diagnosed with Pulmonary Fibrosis, and it has been like a nightmare for me. The doctors have not defined which kind it is, but he currently has 40% lung capacity. The dr recommended he quit work because the chemicals my father breathes are known to cause this disease, and he will not quit, at least until the doctor tells him it is defeinitly from the chemicals he is breathing at work. My mother has had osteoporosis for years now, and she told me a few years ago that it was stage 4, but was reversible. However I learned yesterday that she has refused to take any of the medication they have tried to give her, and her statement was "my body will just have to do what ever it's going to do" so she wants to die, but what I don't understand is why she wants her back to start breaking down and why she would want to end up bedridden when she can't stand to sit still through a freaking movie. Well that's where they are. So what do I need to do? I've heard some talk about getting power of attorney, do I do that now? at what point do I do that?
I was an only too,so knew it was all going to land on me.
I had to drag Mom and Dad kicking and screaming to let me take the reins! But I am SUPER glad I did before it was too late.
Maybe your dad is not willing to give up his job because he feels financial ruin coming on if he does.
You need to sit down with them and find out what their wishes are and find out the financial situation.
I know it's hard, and I wish you luck.
I lived through it and so will you!
Loves to you from another "only".
Hugs,
Elizabeth
I refuse to take them as well.
My MIL is not exactly a compliant person when it comes to taking her meds. When she lived near my wife's brother and his wife, they got very frustrated with her for not being 100% compliant with her meds. Now that she is living with us my wife has a better feel for things, and does not blow her cool when MIL refuses some of her meds.
I think that MIL is more compliant with my wife's stand back attitude than before!
Your mother may be taking the only active role she knows to hasten her passing. I doubt you will get any insight to direct questions, so try indirect questions. Get her talking. Ask how she is doing without judging her lack of medication.
I am a "sort of only". My sister died 4 years ago, so at that point I was an only. Mom never really got over my sister's death, and her decline accelerated after that. I think that dad's attitude really suffered from the loss of his daughter and then his wife. (All in August).
So welcome to the group!
Also most lawyers will give you a few phone consultation before they start charging you the big bucks
And explain to them why. Not for *you* but for *their* protection so *their* wishes are followed. Using language that makes it plain this is for *their* wishes to be followed works, or so I'm told. I woke up not long ago to the realization I'd been talking and coaxing and doing it all by "the book" with my mom for nearly a decade, and still hadn't gotten as far as knowing if she even has a living will. Even the social worker I called more or less said, "Forget it, that woman's too stubborn!" (argh).... But my hubby's parents have it all set up with Hubby and his siblings "just in case" so all that really needs to be done is 1. call their attorney and 2. show up.
Also, there's agencies for the elderly that can possibly ehlp them find out if they qualify for benefits they didn't know they can qualify for. Just a random thought:-)
In his last day or two, he could hardly walk 20 feet without sitting down, so he knew the end was near. His comment to me was "I knew this would happen sooner or later, I just never thought it would be sooner." Sounds like your Dad is in the same state of denial.
My Dad was 79 but had been retired since 53, so he was not conflicted by wanting to keep working. He was just frustrated that he really couldn't enjoy life. My brother is 64 and seems to be in the same boat. He worked at the same plant as my Dad for a time. He is on a lung transplant list and I think plans to retire next year. His activities are also limited.
If your Dad is not of retirement age, perhaps the doctor can help him get disability, assuming that is an option?