Caring For Aging Parents Support Group
Caring for aging parents can be a difficul time as we become the caretakers for our parents. This broad responsibility can encompass such services as assisted living, adult day care, long term care, nursing homes, hospice care, and in-home care. Whether you have just started caring for your parents or just need a place to talk, we're here.
My husband and I have decided to downsize from our current 3 bedroom 2 bath rental down to a one bed room cottage. We are moving out to the boonies away from civilization to an off grid living arrangment in order to meet a savings goal for a down payment on a future property. Mom who lives with us, and has a history of moving out and back in, out and back in, and we went to great lengths to fly thousands of miles away to set her up in an assissted living fasc (because my brother and SIL neglected care), then went to great lengths to find a suitable place to house her when she wanted to move back ---is moving back out to go live with my brother and SIL again. The reason for her leaving the island is due to specialists moving away and closing their practices this year (Maui) and her having difficulty finding care. I don't blame her because she NEEDS care... and I've had to talk to her and my brother and SIL about establishing some boundaries to make her care a PRIORITY. Because it sounds like my brother and SIL are more interested in moving her out there for baby sitting duties (putting her to work).
But I'm also stressed out at our own move, and hers in addition, I have chronic pain and have to pace everything, but also at the fact that she doesn't seem to care how much we bend over backwards for her. She doesn't notice the efforts we make. Everytime she wants something done / changes her mind again, she expects people to drop what they're doing and make it happen for her. Also, my husband's parents are flying in for a 3 week vacation (staying with us) right smack in the middle of our move. I just wanted to come vent here. Thanks.
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I'nm exhausted. This doxycycline thing has ripped me apart and I'm eating crackers and water. I can't take (anything) or eat (anything) except saltines and toast and maybe unbuttered watery mashed potatoes. Are we sure the cure isn't worse than the possible disease?!?!And a week to go. ***Fun cures that WERE worse than the disease:ARsenic. Popular against STDs, which just compounded misery...
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It sounds like a good plan, exiting too. Well, just a bit??? Hope it all goes well.
It is very frustrating when our older relatives get complacent about all that we do for them. I hope your brother and SIL really step up to the plate this time.
Deep down they know, she loves you, I am sorry for your chronic pain.
Your in laws could not have come at a more convenient time?
Try doing some meditation so you can release the stress. Make sure you take about 40 minutes and just release all stress anxiety and come back to
your peaceful center, This is your divine right.Always remember that when
your relatives become this way it is so much more going on with them.
Not trying to make excuses but we have to train ourselves to get through
these circumstances physically,mentally,spiritually.We have to cover all bases, We want to win, We want them to win, Thank you so much for
being such beautiful loved ones-you and your husband.You are truly a Queen.
My MIL was actually helpful... I'm glad she was here. My FIL has aged a lot and requires a lot of care so he needed constant looking after (by MIL). He has the beginnings of dementia and would make strange comments to me. I just brushed them off. One morning I came out of my bedroom to find him wondering around the living room naked. Luckily MIL came after him and put him back in the shower. Geez.... I feel bad for her. I somehow get the feeling this was their last trip here.
My Mom got all packed up and flew out. She enjoyed my in-laws visit and they cheered her up well. My in-laws kept her busy so she stayed out of my hair when hubby and I were busy packing and cleaning. There were days I just wanted her to stay out of the house. Luckily MIL totally understood and would take her and FIL out to lunch, shopping, to a park, or whatever else easy activity to do.
Everything got done... she left, In-laws left, we moved, it's done, we're settling in now. I need rest now, because I need to recover. Thanks for the support!