Caring For Aging Parents Support Group
Caring for aging parents can be a difficul time as we become the caretakers for our parents. This broad responsibility can encompass such services as assisted living, adult day care, long term care, nursing homes, hospice care, and in-home care. Whether you have just started caring for your parents or just need a place to talk, we're here.
I have always been very close to my mother, who is now 73. While I am not an only child, my sisters are much older than I am, and while I was growing up it was only my mother and I in the house. Two years ago, I moved out to live with my fiance. It was a very difficult decision, and I felt immense guilt leaving my mother, but I was able to visit her and sleep over every one or two weeks, and she was able to visit me as well.
My fiance is a scientist, currently working on a vaccine for COVID-19 and I fully trust his opinions when it comes to pandemic-related issues. He understands my relationship with my mom, and knows how much we miss each other, and I know that he would not suggest isoliting ourselves from her unless it were absolutely necessary.
And so that it what we have done. I have not slept over, or spent a lengthy amount of time by any means, at my mother's. I go food shopping for her and take her to doctor's appointments, but otherwise we do not see each other. We video chat every day, but the loneliness really gets to my mother, understandably. She had never lived alone before I left, and now she is more alone than ever.
I am having trouble with the rest of my family. They do not take the pandemic seriously enough, and constantly want to take her places, or visit when they have been to places where they could have picked up the virus. My mother will mention such things to me, all but asking me for permission to go out or have visitors. Lately, my family members have even started reaching out to me directly to ask for permission to visit. I am a very people-pleasing, nonconfrontational person, and it's getting to the point where I'm crying for hours on end almost every weekend because I hate having to be the bad guy. I dread every day that I have to talk to my mother, because I'm sure that at any moment she's going to mention something about going out or something that I will have to say is not safe. She also wants to start going back to church, and to her part-time job, and I feel terrible when I have to say that it's not the right thing to do.
I hate being in this position. I don't want to be controlling, and I don't want to prevent her from anything that will make her happy. I wish I could just be in a coma for the rest of this pandemic so I don't have to be in this position anymore.
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
It's difficult, no matter what choice is made.
If you were not there, how would the decision be made? I asked myself this question.
When people have come over who have been other places, I've just made sure to wipe down everything, and make sure that the parent is doing well.
Most people, after a visit, wait a while to visit again, once they realize that their presence while appreciated often sets up another type of anxiety.
I say let your parent choose. And, be there when the anxiety changes.
Best wishes, whatever you choose.
A lot of us are feeling the stress of the isolation however it is what it is and people being cavalier about it are the ones that really upset me
Big hug... I keep praying that a vaccine will be here before too much longer......
It's great that you're encouraging your mom to be safe.....
I wish there were more bylaws that were being enforced......xo