Caring For Aging Parents Support Group
Caring for aging parents can be a difficul time as we become the caretakers for our parents. This broad responsibility can encompass such services as assisted living, adult day care, long term care, nursing homes, hospice care, and in-home care. Whether you have just started caring for your parents or just need a place to talk, we're here.
Part vent and part explanation. The past year I have been around lurking alot. Before that I was pretty active mainly on the bi-polar group...always with the same sweet baby chiweenie as my avi. As I come and go I see my friends list dwindling and it makes me sad but I have been unable to be active.
My mom has had 7 surgeries in the past 14 months. 3 surgeries for cancer -including removing all of the lymph nodes in her groin. 4 surgeries for apacemakerbecause of congestive heart failure.
#1 put thepacemakerin
#2 one of the leads came off and was poking into her heart and causing it to bleed into the sac around the heart
#3 change the lead...thepacemakerpocket became infected
#4 take it out and put it into the other side of her chest.
Since it had to be moved to the right side of the chest they couldn't get all the leads back in so she could possibly need to have the 4th lead placed but they will have to open her chest and place that lead onto the outside of the heart.
Then I got a call Thursday that they found a mass in her lung when it was just supposed to be a routine chest xray checking to make sure her plueral effusion was gone. In radiology terms that means more than 3 centimeters. So something has come up and is that big since October 11th. I'm just done. Emotionally. Physically. Mentality.
She lives with me and my husband. She is my rock, my mentor and most importantly my best friend.We had months of home iv antibiotics that I gave her. Too many dr appointments that I've lost count.Oxygenand wound vac care. Pneumonia and plueral effusion. I feel guilty that I said "I can't do this again" to her. It isn't about me. She is only 55. She is a fighter. We will do this, especially when she looked at me and said "who else am I going to do this with?"I guess I just wanted to say thank you to those who didn't remove me...I'm sorry I was unable to do more for those in need...I am a work in progress.
I am doing the best I can to not fall into the darkness of depression. I come here and read daily...sometimes with a smile and sometimes with a tear. I want to scream and cry and I am holding on to my sanity withfaithand the smiles that I share with mom. This journey is hard and whether it lasts a month or 20 years...it will be over too soon.
As is life.
Candy Posted on 01/12/14, 12:41 am in bipolar disorder group
My mom has had 7 surgeries in the past 14 months. 3 surgeries for cancer -including removing all of the lymph nodes in her groin. 4 surgeries for apacemakerbecause of congestive heart failure.
#1 put thepacemakerin
#2 one of the leads came off and was poking into her heart and causing it to bleed into the sac around the heart
#3 change the lead...thepacemakerpocket became infected
#4 take it out and put it into the other side of her chest.
Since it had to be moved to the right side of the chest they couldn't get all the leads back in so she could possibly need to have the 4th lead placed but they will have to open her chest and place that lead onto the outside of the heart.
Then I got a call Thursday that they found a mass in her lung when it was just supposed to be a routine chest xray checking to make sure her plueral effusion was gone. In radiology terms that means more than 3 centimeters. So something has come up and is that big since October 11th. I'm just done. Emotionally. Physically. Mentality.
She lives with me and my husband. She is my rock, my mentor and most importantly my best friend.We had months of home iv antibiotics that I gave her. Too many dr appointments that I've lost count.Oxygenand wound vac care. Pneumonia and plueral effusion. I feel guilty that I said "I can't do this again" to her. It isn't about me. She is only 55. She is a fighter. We will do this, especially when she looked at me and said "who else am I going to do this with?"I guess I just wanted to say thank you to those who didn't remove me...I'm sorry I was unable to do more for those in need...I am a work in progress.
I am doing the best I can to not fall into the darkness of depression. I come here and read daily...sometimes with a smile and sometimes with a tear. I want to scream and cry and I am holding on to my sanity withfaithand the smiles that I share with mom. This journey is hard and whether it lasts a month or 20 years...it will be over too soon.
As is life.
Candy Posted on 01/12/14, 12:41 am in bipolar disorder group
May I ask what you are doing to take care of yourself?
As much as it bites your mom can't go on like this forever
We went through this with my MIL a few years ago. Seemed like the phone call was always something new. Nothing ever seemed to get better and something new was always popping up.
I know you are exhausted but as your mom said "who else". You will do what needs to be done and some day in the future you will wonder how you ever managed to do it all. But remember to use your resources too. Check into getting some home care for mom. I know it sounds odd but hospice is also a good resource..they can help you get more home care. Many people go on and off of hospice as their condition changes, it's not just for terminal patients.
Also reach out to local churches and charities. Many have people who will voluntarily come out to sit with your mom or help you with chores or errands. Again reach out and tell others what you need.
My brother is a nurse and recently started working in a rehab facility with a bunch of dementia patients. His coping is to distance himself from mom. He calls her maybe once a month and then for a very short conversation. I'm left to deal with the daily issues which is ok. We have a bunch of members here who are health care professionals. They can probably relate better to how you feel.
All I can really add is to make sure you take some time for yourself. Go for a pedicure to give yourself a few moments of peace. Try to find other little things that are just for you, to create a little island in the middle of your emotions. And please, please let us be your sounding board. There are usually a few people here each day. Often we just check in to see if anything is going on. It's not that we are gone, sometimes there just isnt anything new to say...
Don't worry about the duplicate post. I closed it. If it happens again just send me a PM and I'll take care of it.
As much as we would like to think that DS is nothing like Facebook, we are still a social network, and people are going to delete friends who are "inactive". For some that means no interaction in a week or so, for others it may take a decade of inaction to make them remove a friend.
We have a wide range of situations here; some basic and easy, others intense and difficult. I think that you have found the right way to come to grips with your brother and his lack of interaction with your mom. But even still it has to be stressful.
One of the best lessons we keep learning and discussing here is to make time for ourselves. NO matter what is going on, we all need some "me time".
Hugs