Well first of all let me say I think it is pretty amazing your mom will use techie things. My mom would not know an email from a hole in the ground!

I got my mom and dad to stop complaining to me about each other by constantly reminding them there was nothing I could do about it and I did not want to hear about it any more.

My mom has a sister like that. The sad part is she let her sister abuse her (throw things at her and give her tongue lashing....even in public). My mom did nothing to stop it, but would dump it all on me. I finally moved my mom 800 miles away from her and close to me. I told off her sister and kicked her out of my mom's house!!!! That was 3 years ago and I still don't talk to her. I also told my mom I don't want to hear about her sister any more. I know the woman is mentally ill (my mom's defense).....but I told my mom that she can have a relationship with her sister....that is her choice, but I don't want to hear about all the insanity any more. When my mom tries to bring her up and the crazy things she does, I cut it short by saying I don't want to hear about it. My mom wasn't happy at first, but she has come to accept it. She has asked me why I won't forgive her sister, and I said it was becuz I couldn't handle the insanity and that the only way for me to have peace in my life is to cut out all the drama!
I know it sounds cruel, but I'm getting too old for all the drama....causes me to have anxiety. My mom has disengaged from much of her sisters drama too since she moved up here near me.......she is much calmer too :)
If....you can put the boundary up that you don't want to be involved and walk away or stop her when she tries to engage you, it may just work. I am just saying what has worked for me and don't know if it will work for you. Hopefully you find a solution, cuz drama and insanity will drive anyone crazy. Best of luck!

I have a similar problem but my sister doesn't have a formal diagnosis. I can't tell you how many hours I have listened to my mom worry about my sister and some imagined problem she has. The latest is my sister "needing" to retire early from her high paying teaching job. She is making over $100K a year but those kids are horrible...omg I wish my problems were that small.

My sister seems to have no understanding of my mom's condition. She tells mom all of her problems with work, family, health, etc. I guess she doesn't care that this is upsetting to mom and with her dementia she obsesses about all of it and ends up calling me.

As Trojan does I find myself constantly telling mom that it is not her problem and my sister is perfectly capable of taking care of herself. It's the insensitivity of my sister that drives me crazy. Mom does not need the stress and upset.

I wonder if you might be able to intercept some of your sister's email? At one point I had to tell my sister that she had to stop upsetting mom. You might try threatening that this is elder abuse and you will contact APS. It might be enough to slow her down some.

I feel better about your thoughts and experiences with emotionally ill and abusive disorders. So far I have been carefully listening and then saying this is enough. To see how long it will last. There are times Mom will come out of her office saying "We were better off when she was mad and leaving us alone." Said after reading an email.

I dont have "all" the emails between. We all in family have been getting way off the chart 300 page briefs. Rambling from all the awful things one of did to her (victim) and how she has had to manage alwaya with the post trauma (victim/helpless), and now her new
therapy and great people in her life who say she is normal and smart and we are the f'd up ones ( over compensated - denial-delusional).

Mom rattles and reacts to every word. I cant always get her to see that upset is the desired result. Mean and hateful. Mom plays right in saying I will show her mean and hateful. I just restate that it is not a good idea and her BP will just get high.
I ignore my sister. Blocked her calls but it goes to voicemail. Delete emails that are just to me. I read the group mails now and then. I shake my head and feel disappointed that it does not get any better.

In the past I found her nearly dead from an O.D. She was quite a few hours into this and lived. It seems her brain was fried. Many stays in the crisis ward to help the depression part of Bipolar. I still think there is a dual dx missed. Or not told. I have spent almost 20 years messing with this. I am done now and she knows it after last deal.

So today the holiday tree comes down and mom is sad. She is always sad and cries to see it lying by the road. I told her that we help it add nitrogen to the earth which it is wanting to do. So she is in her office playing a ballad collection including: There Goes My Everything,
For The Good Times, Tenn Waltz...

My mind is actually on the storm coming. I have chores to do before tbe snow makes yet another.

Thank you for letting me ramble on a bit. It does help practice letting it go or not getting involved with to begin with.

PS. My Mama the d.j. has a nice upbeat shuffle going...yeah...three minutes of peace! Lol

Can you block sister dear's emails to your mom and just let her think she got mad and went away again? =)

Bipolar is one of the most cruel of the mental illnesses. For some there is a terrible "tipping point" where they are on medication but get the idea that they do not need medication any more. So they stop, but by time the meds get our of their system they are too far into bipolar issues to recognize that they really need their meds.

Then there is the emotional fog that for some people is the balance between insanity and being comatose.

Very cruel.

We have a few boards here dedicated to bipolar, one of them is for family and friends of bipolar people:

http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Family-and-Friends-of-Bipolar/support-group

Please give this group a try. They have "been there, done that" and they really know what it is like.

My cousin is bipolar. My parents tried to help him, let him stay with them when he came out to try to break into acting. But a few bad incidents lead them to sever ties with him. At their age (mom is going into dementia) they are ill equipped to deal with him. His parents have both passed away, so he does not really have much of a support system in place.

I feel for you, it is a very VERY difficult thing to deal with. Convincing some bipolar people they need to go on meds can be harder than convincing drug addicts that they need to get off meds.

Gentle hugs. Make that GINORMOUS hugs as you deal with this very hard situation.

Thanks Pepper, you certainly describe one of the patterns of non compliant med cycle. A group is probably what I need. I guess it started here because it effects Mom. I feel there will be a time my involvement on behalf of Mom will come into play. However, since Mom has decent function daily, I stay away from it. After all, Mom is entitled to being a Mom. This crap with my sister does not seem to upset her (today ).

You all are so supportive with this topic. It really helps to have contact with people who have some idea of the situation. No one wants to be alone through this. Well, I do not want to be :)

Peace