So sorry to hear of your struggles. This is a very difficult journey we are on.

Can you, somehow, keep track of what your mom takes for pain, and how much? If her intake is more than prescribed, I would alert her doctor. The elderly do not metabolize medications as a younger person does; dosages are often modified for the elderly.

I had to take away my mom's blood pressure meds; she was not taking them properly. I think that is the most angry she had been with me in a long time. However, I had decided that safety had to come first.

Stay strong & remember to be kind to yourself.

Are you really 13 years old and having to take care of an aging parent? That is pretty young and I am so sorry that you are having to go through this.

I am pretty sure that her Doc would know if she was over medicating. He or she would know and probably not renew the RX. I could understand if it was an anxiety med that she might over due, but blood pressure meds? What good would that do for her?

Sending prayers and hope that all works out for the best.

Oh, and P.S, please try and find another family member to help you. You are just way to young to take this on yourself.

Hi Mickeysgirl,

Your profile does say you are 13 for some reason but I read your posts which say you are married and 50 I think?

Thank you for getting it, I did write he doctor and told her she was running out of her pain script early and then asking people for meds. Not cool. She has lied to me about how much she is taking and if I thought it was really helping her pain I wouldn't care but it isn't helping and it makes her shaky, lose her balance etc. She tells me it is none of my business. I used to be really close to my mom and this is the first thing that has ever truly come between us.

Thank you for understanding xo

No, I am not only 13--LOL! I'm 56. And yes, I DO understand! Glad to help.

Any loss of independence, or feeling that someone sees you as "losing it" has got to be hard to accept. We are so proud it is hard to admit we need help with simple daily tasks.

I think you are doing the right thing in alerting your mom's doctor. Your mom may not be intentionally deceiving you; she might be forgetting when she took that last pill--? My mom had the idea that she had to take both her BP pills so, once, when she ran out of one, she stopped taking the other as well. She didn't tell me she had run out and I honestly didn't notice. (Unmedicated, her blood pressure runs around 190/110. Stroke range.)

That was 4 years ago.

What a long, strange trip it's been. Hoo boy!

So does your mom live with you? If so how did you make that transition? My mom is sharp as a tack, she is taking pain meds cause she is in pain but also cause she is depressed, trying to self-medicate...I think. This transition from daughter to caretaker is really hard. I hate confronting my mom with my concerns and she does not like it either. I guess the whole thing is a process. Tell me more about your situation...

Everybody's profile says 13 when they join DS until they change it..... DS had to pick a number and 13 was it

I would tell your mom that you're going to be discussing her pain meds with her doctor

A lot of people do become addicted initially due to a serious injury and if her pain meds aren't holding her over until the next dose it should be discussed with her doctor

There may be a less strong medication that can be given for 'break through' pain? perhaps

It is a very fine line we walk. Our parent have the right to make bad decisions, until such time as we can "prove" that they are not capable of making good ones.

Yes, it is hard.

Sometimes "bad" is very subjective. My 96 year old MIL opted against having a skin cancer removed from her leg. If it was my child when they were 6 then there would be no question that it was coming off! But at 96, the doctor basically said that she would die from old age long before that cancer became a serious issue.

Making that transition is very hard. For some of us it is best done as quickly as possible, for others of us the transition from our parent's child to their caregiver and decision maker takes time.

My dad died before it was a serious issue, but he made it clear that he was going to rely on me to make decisions for him. So I was able to guide him on some issues, others I opted out.

My MIL can be very stubborn, and she can be suspicious / paranoid at times. My wife and her siblings bounce around between arguing with her and letting her do her own thing. The balance they are at now is that if they think their mother is really sick, injured, or needs a serious medication re-adjustment they will make her do it. (Classic line: "mom, either we drive you to the doctor now or I call 911 and the paramedics will take you".) But if she does not want to take a med because the side effects are too much for her then they do not argue. And there is the above mentioned case of not getting the skin cancer removed; all her kids were in favor of letting her do what ever she wanted.

As an aside, MIL was convinced that her children wanted her to have the cancer removed and that if she did not have it done then they would not talk to her again.

Sorry to drift a bit. Guess I'm just trying to say that you will have to chart out your own path to go from being a daughter to a daughter in charge of your mom's life. We've all stumbled through that process, so hopefully you can learn from our bungling!

Gentle hugs

Thank you both for your insight. This is new territory and I do not easily walk into this new role. Bottom line is my mom is lucid, there is no issue there so if she wants to be dishonest then she can do it without me. I will take her to appointments but I am not going to sit and listen to her lie. She can do that part by herself.

Thanks for the support. It is so nice to know that we are not alone on this journey :)