Caring For Aging Parents Support Group
Caring for aging parents can be a difficul time as we become the caretakers for our parents. This broad responsibility can encompass such services as assisted living, adult day care, long term care, nursing homes, hospice care, and in-home care. Whether you have just started caring for your parents or just need a place to talk, we're here.
Sorry, I had to come here because my heart is still racing and hopefully I'll calm down and things won't escalate further.
My mother and I met with a lady we know and my mother started to complain how lonely she was in her hometown and that she prefers to be here. I lost it...I f***ing lost it. I didn't even have time to think and everything just came out of my mouth.
I told this lady that she did have friends, neighbours and cousins with whom she interacted on a daily basis back home, but the problem was that she wanted to be with me ALL the time, after all, she doesn't see or meet anyone else when she's here with me. (Out of sheer laziness over the years that led her to turn down invitations and day activities for senior citizens - I didn't say this last bit in brackets).
They were both looking at me like I was nuts. I don't care. I even surprised myself!
But the truth is, when she moved in with us she'd complain to people from her home village about being lonely here. They told me!
She'll just never be happy. She lives in fantasy land and reality will just never match what she imagines. I'm glad I've given up trying to make her happy but it's very hard to stand there listening to her whining as if I'm a 5 year old who is not understanding what the adults are talking about. She will HAVE to respect me if she doesn't want to be truly lonely. I've been near my limit for a long time.
Sorry for the rant.
My mother and I met with a lady we know and my mother started to complain how lonely she was in her hometown and that she prefers to be here. I lost it...I f***ing lost it. I didn't even have time to think and everything just came out of my mouth.
I told this lady that she did have friends, neighbours and cousins with whom she interacted on a daily basis back home, but the problem was that she wanted to be with me ALL the time, after all, she doesn't see or meet anyone else when she's here with me. (Out of sheer laziness over the years that led her to turn down invitations and day activities for senior citizens - I didn't say this last bit in brackets).
They were both looking at me like I was nuts. I don't care. I even surprised myself!
But the truth is, when she moved in with us she'd complain to people from her home village about being lonely here. They told me!
She'll just never be happy. She lives in fantasy land and reality will just never match what she imagines. I'm glad I've given up trying to make her happy but it's very hard to stand there listening to her whining as if I'm a 5 year old who is not understanding what the adults are talking about. She will HAVE to respect me if she doesn't want to be truly lonely. I've been near my limit for a long time.
Sorry for the rant.
If this is preaching then god bless
I'll repeat, "Get off the pulpit" you've built for yourself. Stop with the condescending inneundos. No one out here needs unsolicited, judgemental accusations from a self appointment "speaker of the Lord".
I've seen you respond better than this. Your responses lately are full of accusatory comments towards any of the adult caregivers in this forum of what "you" feel they are doing wrong. There's always some back-handed comment of "where we don't measure up" to caring for our parents under your self-appointed guideline.
It's silly really! Stop, your better than this.
Maybe you should just pray for yourself and your own family because I don't feel that I need to be annointed by you!
Just stop the nonsensical diatribe! I won't respond again, it's nothing more than a bantering contest!
I too had to recently send a letter to my mom to stop making me the emotional/verbal dumping ground. If you are not stern in some cases, the parent will run over the child who is trying to be helpful....and that is what was happening to me....so much so that I now suffer from anxiety that has sent me to the ER twice within a 2 week span. How am I suppose to help mom if I am riddled with anxiety? It did feel good to stand up to my mom and things are much better (mind you, I spoke my mind, but did so in a respectful manner.....I know God understands my position and I was only following his lead).
To post that and have someone come back and tell you to look within yourself because "you" are the problem and not the parent. God would be mad at you if you ever did such a thing to their mother. The unmitigated gall and hypocrisy!
I don't send letters, I believe if you have an issue with someone it should be said directly to them. I certainly understand the anxiety that you've suffered with your mother's insults etc. because I've had to go through the same. To have to have visited the ER for even one instance is not acceptable. She should be ashamed of herself!
I didn't scream at my mother; I was very stern with her!. Don't ever do that to me again, it's hurtful and insulting; that's what made her cry! She told me so that she had no reason to lie to my sister; she didn't know why she did it but she would never want to deliberately hurt me. End of story.
I'm sure God has forgiven me; his absolution is the only one I'm looking for.
All the best to you; it would be great to be best friends with our mother's again.. I sure miss it.
Anyways, I would have told my mother what I wrote in the letter to her face, but she lived 700 miles away and every time I tried to talk to her on the phone about it....she cut me off and started another conversation about something totally unrelated to what I was trying to say. It also gave me time to think things over and say them in an appropriate manner.
My mom did read the letter and we have worked things out and it is much better than before. In fact she moved a few miles away from me (much better than 700 miles away) which makes it easier for me to help her. I also know she is safe which does help keep the anxiety low.
I agree, I feel like walking away from this site at times also but there are many, many good people out here, including Shur1. She just comes off the wrong way sometimes.
We're all dealing with the basic same problems; we should be here for each other!