Caring For Aging Parents Support Group
Caring for aging parents can be a difficul time as we become the caretakers for our parents. This broad responsibility can encompass such services as assisted living, adult day care, long term care, nursing homes, hospice care, and in-home care. Whether you have just started caring for your parents or just need a place to talk, we're here.
I can't get my dad to accept he's mentally ill. Yesterday, he told me to go out and buy a bullet proof jacket for him. He's convinced that someone has put a hit on him. He's 84, lives in a safe neighborhood, has no friends, relatives have dumped him due to his mental problem, in short, there's no one around to want to kill him and absolutely no reason to do so. He has no money, no will, lives in a modest house that's underwater.
He wanted me to go out and buy the thing. Now, I've already purchased a life jacket for him because he's terrified of water. By the way, he lives in a neighborhood with not a lake in sight and it's not in a flood zone either, so you see what I'm dealing with.
Problem is, our legal system let people like this slip through the cracks. You can have them committed like in the old days because he's capable of appearing quite sane. I've checked with my lawyer on this one and my doctor who told me to stay away from him because this type of person tends to go after those closest to them. I'm the only one he has left, so no, I'm not planning to desert him. It's out of the question--which means that one of these days he's likely to grab one of those guns he has hidden in the house(no idea where they are) and blow my brains out. Some dad I got, huh?
I don't live with him. I tried a few years ago. I gave him tens of thousands of dollars, redecorated his house, even hired a professional decorator,--all to be tortured on a daily basis, until my blood pressure went up so high, I had to leave just to save my own life. Now, I handle him from a distance, but it's like being there still because he insist on daily calls, and that's when he tells me things that never happened.
When I lived with him(right after my husband passed), I was in such a state of despair. Ever hear how you shouldn't go in a wolf den if you're injured in any way 'cause they will attack? Well, I walked into this wolf den and was attacked mentally on a daily basis. He even told me that I couldn't have my grand-kids over and that I could only see my step-daughter and son-in-law if he was at home. I was 53 years old at the time. One morning, he got up and told me I was fat and terrible looking. Got high self-esteem(mom made sure of this because of Dad), so this didn't phase me. Still, I knew there was no end in sight and like I said my blood pressure wouldn't go down.
So, I moved out.
But I'm still there. He tortures me with words and deeds on a daily basis. He has tried to get me fired by calling my boss and telling her lies. He has told my family that I am a horrible doctor. He has told medical people that he is alone and that I won't help him. And then he tells me to stay the hell out of his business.
That's my vent for today. Thanks reading.
He wanted me to go out and buy the thing. Now, I've already purchased a life jacket for him because he's terrified of water. By the way, he lives in a neighborhood with not a lake in sight and it's not in a flood zone either, so you see what I'm dealing with.
Problem is, our legal system let people like this slip through the cracks. You can have them committed like in the old days because he's capable of appearing quite sane. I've checked with my lawyer on this one and my doctor who told me to stay away from him because this type of person tends to go after those closest to them. I'm the only one he has left, so no, I'm not planning to desert him. It's out of the question--which means that one of these days he's likely to grab one of those guns he has hidden in the house(no idea where they are) and blow my brains out. Some dad I got, huh?
I don't live with him. I tried a few years ago. I gave him tens of thousands of dollars, redecorated his house, even hired a professional decorator,--all to be tortured on a daily basis, until my blood pressure went up so high, I had to leave just to save my own life. Now, I handle him from a distance, but it's like being there still because he insist on daily calls, and that's when he tells me things that never happened.
When I lived with him(right after my husband passed), I was in such a state of despair. Ever hear how you shouldn't go in a wolf den if you're injured in any way 'cause they will attack? Well, I walked into this wolf den and was attacked mentally on a daily basis. He even told me that I couldn't have my grand-kids over and that I could only see my step-daughter and son-in-law if he was at home. I was 53 years old at the time. One morning, he got up and told me I was fat and terrible looking. Got high self-esteem(mom made sure of this because of Dad), so this didn't phase me. Still, I knew there was no end in sight and like I said my blood pressure wouldn't go down.
So, I moved out.
But I'm still there. He tortures me with words and deeds on a daily basis. He has tried to get me fired by calling my boss and telling her lies. He has told my family that I am a horrible doctor. He has told medical people that he is alone and that I won't help him. And then he tells me to stay the hell out of his business.
That's my vent for today. Thanks reading.
The good part is that if they feel he is dangerous they will declare him incompetent at least temporarily. You can also tell the police that you suspect he has weapons in the house and that he has made threats. They will help you search the house when he is in the hospital.
What usually happens during these 72 hr stays is that either the patient realizes that they are in a bad way or the docs are able to start meds that will help. They can also extend the length of stay if they feel it is necessary and can send him to a lockdown nursing home for extended care.
My first action would be to record these conversations with dad on the phone. That way you can play them for the officers if they don't believe dad needs to go to the hospital. Trust me, the police take bullet proof vest requests very seriously. They don't want to be called to the house when dad has a weapon in his hands.
I tried the taping thing, then found out that it is illegal in Illinois to record someone without their permission. If I play the tapes, the cops may actually arrest me and dad will still be out. As to the guns, the cops know about them. He's fully registered and everything and actually went down to the police station when he was thinking about selling them a few months back.
What this all means is that I can call all sorts of people and try to get him committed. It's not going to happen. He can appear so normal that sometimes I forget what I'm dealing with. He can trick anyone, that part of being a sociopath. They are such masterful liars that they can pass a lie detector test.
Anyhow, thanks everyone for reading all of this. It helps so much to vent and know that someone out there cares. There are days when I feel so alone, especially being a widow.