I forgot to mention i totally lost it with her.. Told her she was being childish and i have had enough

Feeling guilty for adding to it

It is a childish temper tantrum. Grown adults realize that we all have differing opinions and have the right to differ. Refusing to eat or drink is a passive aggressive threat to commit suicide just for not getting ones way.

She is trying to force others to think the same as her or ELSE.
I lost my patience with dad yesterday! He apparently has been using a urinal in bed and spilling the contents onto his mattress. The smell is vile! I took all his sheets, and bedding and washed them in an industrial strength washer on the longest hottest cycle with almost 3 cups of white vinegar. When the smell remained in the bed, I dumped some cleaner onto the mattress. I hope it dried.
But really what grown man can't be bothered to get outta bed to pee. And what when one chooses to pee in bed, why can't he be careful about not spilling it?

I think we'd have to be ordained saints to never lose our patients with these grown ups who are behaving worse than 2 year olds.

I think that a lot of our parents have trouble adjusting to the proper phase of the "parent-child" relationship. Lectures about the proper way to do things belong to the phase where the child is very young, not when they are an adult.

Sometimes we need to totally lose it! Yes, your mother is throwing a temper tantrum.

It is now several hours later, how is she doing?

I wouldn't let the guilt trip get to you. Perhaps next time she won't be so willing to give her unsolicited opinion. Relationships work two ways and elderly parents, I've found cross boundaries, because of their age more often than not.

If I brought my mother dinner and she knocked it on the floor, (unless it was truly an accident) would be the last time I served her. In actuality, she caused her circumstance; I'd let her stew, have her tantrum or whatever it is she's doing. She needs to understand that actions have consequences.

Thanks everyone, i appreciate your advice and support

Mom is still in her room, she has only come out for use of the bathroom, still not talking, eating or drinking...very concerned she will get dehydrated...feeling helpless

How old is your mother?

My mother had a few episodes where she got really dehydrated. I never asked the doctor the question this way, but I think that she was "hospital ready" before her health was in serious jeopardy.

If you have POA over medical issues you can call her doctor and ask questions about this. Such as how long should you can let her throw her hissie fit before her health gets compromised, and what should you look for as a sign to call 911 to get her to the hospital if she decides to go the distance on this.

Gentle hugs, it can be hard to deal with issues like this!

I couldn't count how many times my grandmother used to do this and always around a holiday SO she'd be hospitalized on Christmas Day, New Years, Thanksgiving. The holidays were usually spent at St. Joseph's for dehydration, again! It doesn't take long in the elderly for them to dehydrate to the point of requiring the IV.

I would tell her that she needs to eat and drink and if she doesn't she'll be in a hospital when it was completely unnecessary. My patience level for this type of self inflicted illness is something I have zero patience for. I understand your worry though. All this because of a tantrum.

i warned her if she ddint drink and eat something she will end up in hopsital...finally she has been drinking but her eating isnt as good yet...through all this she still refuses to talk


I was upset about it all tomstart with, now just very angry with her....my work suffers, my housework is backloagged and my family feel neglected...

Two can play at this game...im refusing to cook today...told my boys to eat out...poor hubby will just have to eat left overs...no point in cooking for her, she wont eat and im just throwing it all away...not doing it ...on strike today

At least she is drinking fluids again, and that is a healthy start. The not eating part will hurt her though, so getting her to eat is important for her. It sounds like your policy of ignoring her is a good one. By all means do not reward her for being foolish!

I hope you and your hubby and boys are able to return to a more normal environment soon. Who knows, your mom may choose to join the normality all on her own!

Hugs, and glad that the situation is easing up a bit.

give milk....that gets some nutrients into her tummy so she does not get ulcers.....hugs bill

Sometimes when we feel helpless to have any effect on the world around us we act out. Sounds like that's what's going on. I think that when people age and have to be cared for, sometimes the negative things about them gets worse cause this is how they learned to control their environment at some point in the past, so they just have to unlearn it, and it takes longer for that to happen in old age. I'm sorry you are having to put up with it, I don't blame you for going on strike. I'm not sure how I would have reacted to the food being pushed into the floor, but at this point in my life, it probably would not have been good. At least she knows you care about her, if she didn't she would not act this way.

update on mom - she has basically made herself sick...headaches, dizziness, nausea, her blood pressure is high and she has been complaining of chest pains, shoulder pains plus although she's eating she is not keeping her food down...im forcing her to keep up her liquids
she is very depressed and the silence in our home is deafening


doc is seeing her again tomorrow

It is so hard to deal with self destructive behavior. It sounds like you are doing a good job of holding your ground!

Thanks for the update

I havent handled things well, loosing my patience with her has made it worse. She has high expectation from me and im letting her down...how can i make it all better? I just want everyone to get along and play nice.

I read everyone's post here everyday and see how much more everyone is dealing with...feeling like a failure...i cant seem to make anything right