Sending you some patience. I recently told someone that I was born with a patience deficiency. Either that or at some point I had a patience-ectomy - it all just got cut out.

My Dad was quick to fly off the handle if something not to his liking occurred, and I guess I absorbed alot of that trait. Now that my Mom is getting older, her mind is working slower and her body is starting to fail her, I am trying my hardest to be patient and just let things slide.

Now that I am around more as her caregiver, it is taking more energy to do so, but in the end I feel better not calling her on silly little quirks of hers. Clearly it is not going to change at 82, so why not just embrace it as who Mom is and move on. I always tend to look back on the positive, so I'd rather make sure there is plenty of that.

Good luck, and hang in there!

I hear ya. Very much so. My mom is the champ at "not helping herself" to the point of eroding my patience to the point I become a *patient* of a doctor....

We can only change our reactions. Not easy, but it's all I have.

And for what it's worth? My patience in my family was once legendary. And my mom get me from OK to grinding-teeth in about ten seconds.

GEntle support!

I think a lot of us out here know what you're going through. It isn't easy for some. I too was once known for my patience level but that trait has waned a bit.

I find the same thing with my mother; she wants things done when she wants them done and if you don't do it fast enough, all heck breaks loose. I think it's a normal trait the elderly pick up when they realize they're loosing their independence. I never witnessed the type of behavior my mother displays now back when she was younger. That's why she was always my best friend, she still is but there's a difference in the relationship now.

You are not alone.... I hope things calm down for you. If there was such a thing as a patience pill, I'd be the first customer.

There is nothing wrong with pointing out to both of your parents that YES! Growing old sucks! But there is nothing you can do to change that, and if they want your help they need to change their ways.

patience is not what you need. You need to grow a spine and give them consequences for their actions.

I hear you on the patience thing. Taking a walk with my MIL really reinforces that for me. The walk that takes her 20 or 30 minutes takes me and my wife about 5 minutes.

That is just the way it is.

I'm getting better, and don't mind it so much that it takes 2, 3 or 10 times as long to do something as it used to. I do have a problem when it takes that much longer to decide what to do, so I have a ways to go still.

I can relate my mom tries my patience. But something to remember is that when one get old they have all kinds of things unknown to them or us, going on in them that affects their thinking and ability to do things.

I know my mom doesn't mean to be fickle and tell me to not come over or worry since when she falls and needs help she will crawl up 2 flights of stairs to knock on my sis door. ( how rational is that?) Can't reason with her b/c in her mind it is true. It is her reality.

But it still grates on my patience since I help her with dr.appt and meds. I order and orgainzed her meds and call her to remind her to take them, otherwise she won't take it. (thinks she took it, but didn't) Or at dr. she says she is fine and eats and drinks properly. (No but she believes it so).

I feel like giving up and saying forget it!! Do it yourself!! but I know INTELLECTUALY, that she is not mentally and physically able to do it herself. So it is my choice to help. I chose to get involved and it hurts when she changes her mind after I made changes to my schedule to accomodate her.And it will probably happen again and again. But I made the decision to help and that hurt , disappointment, try in patience is better than MY regrets and guilt I would put myself through later. EMOTIONALLY it is hard for me So I do what I can and do it when I have time.

Someone told me " be kind to yourself." Here is where people understand all that you're going through. Take care!

My mom will be 93 next month, she does everything in very slow motion, I have had to keep my patience and not overreact. I am a bit hyper, this always complicates things. I feel very tired after I spend time with her, she really has to do everything at a snail's pace and you just can't rush her. I have screamed in the past, NOW !!!! No more, now I make sure I'm organized , have a plan, and slowly get through it and when I'm done, go home and take a nap.

If we can get on our parent's medical files as having medical POA that give us the right to talk to the doctor about our parent's medical stuff. Once we have that we can take our parents to the doctor. If they don't like us contradiction (correcting) them in the office, then we can call the doctor and leave a note about what the truth really is.

Doctors know that patients lie to them, especially elderly. The lies come from many reasons, and the doctors can normally guess the truth. But if we "go behind our parent's back" to the doctor, we can make sure that the doctors have more accurate information. Doctors also have the problem of letting patients make poor decisions, and it hurts them as well.