Caring For Aging Parents Support Group
Caring for aging parents can be a difficul time as we become the caretakers for our parents. This broad responsibility can encompass such services as assisted living, adult day care, long term care, nursing homes, hospice care, and in-home care. Whether you have just started caring for your parents or just need a place to talk, we're here.
I guess the headline says it all... could go into detail but believe me, you wouldn't want to read it all. What a day! Hospice said give her Lorazapam (sp?) to calm her... and if one didn't work in 1/2 hr, give another. Just now did give the 2nd one. Mother had been moaning and calling out to me - in a name I can't really remember her using: Penny Bug... then asking what was wrong with me. Nothing I said, just wanting to help you. Want you to go to sleep... maybe another pill? No, she first said... but the nurses said to... OK... I hope this puts her out.
Poor Mother... she is fading fast, which is what I want but is hard to watch. We're now thinking that perhaps we can't actually do this at home. May have to put her in the hospice facility. We are going to for a 5 day respite anyway, but may not be able to keep her here at home after that. Oh wow.... makes me so sad. I always told her I would keep her out of a nursing home but I had no idea it could be this hard.
Poor Mother... she is fading fast, which is what I want but is hard to watch. We're now thinking that perhaps we can't actually do this at home. May have to put her in the hospice facility. We are going to for a 5 day respite anyway, but may not be able to keep her here at home after that. Oh wow.... makes me so sad. I always told her I would keep her out of a nursing home but I had no idea it could be this hard.
And yes I WOULD want to hear all about it. I am always available and willing to listen.
Oh and yes please do share. One it will help you sort things out and put things in perspective. It will also help others to recognize things they are seeing in their loved ones and it will let others offer suggestions to you. Keep in mind that for every person who is actively posting in this group there are probably dozens more who just read. They need to read these stories.
In the last 3 days we've had to clean up after explosive !! BM's. Poor Layne did it twice, me once. It just makes me gag.
And still my heart is aching for my mom... a proud woman, a nice person, only 4 months ago a very active, productive person with a danged paying job at age 94!!!
I guess I'll try and move the respite up from Thursday to at least Wednesday. Just yesterday I made arrangements for the aid from rehab that Mother liked so much to come out 2 mornings a week... starting Tuesday so I hate to cancel that before it even starts.
So many issues... now I need to go visit funeral homes and make some of those plans. And somehow in all this I need to help Mother understand what is happening to her.... this final journey that I want to help her with... but can i?
Dementia is the one disease that has us mourning before the person passes. We lose the mental connection long before their body gives up. The only good part of this is that when that time comes it is much easier on us. And if mom has moments of lucidity you may have a chance to share those special moments.
Here's my feeling on home vs assisted living. My mom was also a very proud and personal person. She never wanted to live with any of her children. And while she would have liked to stay in her home with nurses that would have been a disaster. We talked many times in the past year about some of her friends who had this and all of the problems of trying to provide care in this manner. So I have no doubt that my mom, in alzheimers assisted living, is in the right place. This particular facility is not heroic and will provide services right through hospice. The benefit of having mom in assisted living is that she is receiving appropriate care from people who are trained to do this and who enjoy their jobs. They also have the physical setting to provide safe care and moms doctor and PA are there almost every day.
Funeral arrangements. well it's never to early to plan for this. I'm assuming you know what mom wanted. Can't hurt to talk to the funeral director now and outline the basics. My parents wanted to be cremated. I would use the same place that took care of dad when the time comes. After that we are having a big party in Las Vegas before scattering their ashes together in Death Valley. Another good reason for preplanning a funeral is that if it comes to needing Medicare to pay for care they allow you to prepay a funeral but it needs to be done before.
I would talk to respite and see what they have as soon as possible. No reason to wait at this point. Your mom got to come home which is something special you were able to do for her. But now it is time to get formal help for her. The aide will understand, in their business things change hour by hour. Give her a few dollars as a tip if you can't use her. One good thing about mom being in assisted living is that the time you spend with her can be focusing on the good stuff instead of the messy part of life.
I am so very sorry that you are going through this. It is very hard.
You have hospice in place, lean on them. They know what needs to be done, and can work with you to make it happen. We waited until mom passed to make arrangements. The result of waiting? Her memorial service was a week later than it could have been.
Surround yourself with people you trust and then trust them.
Gentle hugs
scratch that
PEPPER POWERED STEEL REINFORCED HUGS!
Once we started doing it that way there were no more accidents.