Caring For Aging Parents Support Group
Caring for aging parents can be a difficul time as we become the caretakers for our parents. This broad responsibility can encompass such services as assisted living, adult day care, long term care, nursing homes, hospice care, and in-home care. Whether you have just started caring for your parents or just need a place to talk, we're here.
my mother is continuing to have a ver hard time with the depression, some days she is worse then ever. my dad is getting fed up with it all, though he is always there for her, but there are times when he snaps at her and I have to say I don't blame him. I myself are clinical major depressive and anxiety but controlled with medications, thank goodness. we are there constantly for her and give moral support and if we bring up any questions as to what is going on when she swithes med times she says I have ruined her day and she starts crying. we are only doing this out of love, worry and concern, as she is not getting much better. I will say something that will sound very bad but I need to get it off my chest. when I was suicidal, many times, and my husband had died suddenly at age 32 and the children were 5,3 and 15 months. each time I had to go into the hospital, my parents were still active alcoholics, they didn't care about me they cared about when I would get out so they didn't have to help with anything, the kids went to different siblings and danny, the youngest went with them. there was no understanding or caring, just when are you going to get over this crap. now my mother says she was always there for me and I laugh inside. it is bringing forth bad memories, but I am trying very hard to be there for her and share my knowledge of depression and the meds. I am bringing over dinner tonight. I feel bad over my thoughts yet I don't, how does one stop that and just focus on helping, I am doing that but my sister and I are getting resentful.
When my dad was diagnosed with dementia about 4 years ago I spent many hours on the phone listening to both mom and dad. As he got worse the amount of time on the phone got longer. Then when he was hospitalized I was on a plane within hours. Many weeks that year were spent away from my family.
And now mom's health has been a problem and I am her sole caretaker. She refuses to move back so I can be closer. She expects me to come to her when necessary and calls me several times a day. As my husband says this is a part-time job at best and full-time at worst. All without compensation. And with much heartache caused by my sister.
At times I feel guilty for wishing mom was gone. Yesterday she was so unhappy and I guess a bit depressed. She has knee problems that treatment doesn't seem to be helping. She has a UTI which I don't think is responding to the antibiotic. Her confusing is increasing and she is driving herself and everyone else crazy with her fear of taking some vitamins to correct a defficiency. At times like this I feel so helpless. I can't just go to her and she refuses to move here. And then I think that if she was here I would be resentful of the time I know I would spend with her. No winning.
Years ago my mother was the caretaker for both of my grandmothers. She has always complained about her mother and the miserable things she did to her. I know that she doesn't realize how much she is like her own mother.
As I said yesterday I think your mom needs a better doctor. What you described as her hospitalization and diagnosis is just not enough. Mental illness is very difficult to treat because the patient doesn't see the problem and even if they do their mood is constantly changing and they have trouble complying with treatment. I would look for a geriatric doctor and get mom there. It will always take tremendous effort to care for mom but you can't possible get good results without the proper treatment.
God bless keep pouring your love your mothers way even if she cannot return or is incapable of returning love perhaps she has never really experienced love teach her how to love.
This does not mean I don't think she will ever 'come clean' with you. She might, and I hope that she does. But now her conception of the past may be so deeply engrained that to confront it is more than she is capable of doing.
Keep talking to your siblings, find a place that works for you guys.
Ginormously gentle hugs!