Well it's been a real learning experience caring for my mom since her husband died August 31st of last year. It has also been a pretty tense time for me along the way coping with how my life has changed as well as hers. Between her doctor appointments and mine it's been a hectic time, but I've had help from my husband and son and I'm so thankful for that. It's hard to see a parent go from a feisty outgoing person to someone who now acts like a dependant and often times, stubborn child. Not to go into huge detail, but my mother was not a kind and understanding person as I grew up, she was at times very verbally abusive and physically abusive, and also a hypochondriac throughout her life. My older children don't know why I'm bothering to care for her at all because of how I was treated, I tell them as a human being, no matter what kind of mother she was, I can't in good conscience leave her to fend for herself.

At the age of 82 she still has a bit of bossiness in her, but I think when you become incapacitated in a lot of ways it scares a person into having their world around them neat and tidy and the same way everyday, it seems to be comforting to her. The only thing that got under my skin in the beginning was the fact that I was expected to put my life on hold and be there almost daily in the beginning, for that, I've learned along the way that I had to set boundaries and days when I could be expected and also to let her know what I would be willing to do and not do. She still likes to play the helpless person who can't do a thing for herself, but because I know what her limits are and aren't, I try not to jump in and do things that I know she needs to do for herself. I've had a brief period of criticism that went on from her, but that taught me to stand up for myself in as polite a way as possible. It's really tough when you've grown up quiet and afraid of your parent, to suddenly have to stand your ground, but it was necessary for my own sanity and well being.

Anyway, I haven't been perfect by any means, I'm still learning, and I still buckle under once in awhile, especially with my own health issues over these past months. Naturally, my health is on the back burner in her eyes and hers is first..lol..but yes I learn to take that in stride and not talk about myself with her to much. It seems what ever I have wrong with me, she has it to but far worse..lol. I spend every Sunday with mom but that's not enough, and instead of being angry over that, I've also learned to take that in stride to, you just have to.

The dilemma lately is that she's been told that she has congenital heart failure, fluid around the heart and the lungs and was asked to reduce her salt intake. The problem is that she eats a lot of processed food with salt included which most of it has. I've tried to make her good meals, but she prefers her frozen meat pies with carrots and baked potato, which isn't bad, the veg. part. She goes through a lot of processed cheese slices and a lot of cans of Pringles. Now I'm all about letting a person have what they want at that age, and it's her call, but lately I'm feeling like I'm adding to her poor health. The trouble is, if I don't buy it, she'll get someone else to buy it, she just can't not eat the same things even though the doctor has asked her not to. So what to do? In some ways I'm thinking, okay, you know the score and you don't want to listen, not my problem, and of course on the other hand I'm thinking, geez I'm making her health worse by complying with her wishes. Any thoughts?