Caring For Aging Parents Support Group
Caring for aging parents can be a difficul time as we become the caretakers for our parents. This broad responsibility can encompass such services as assisted living, adult day care, long term care, nursing homes, hospice care, and in-home care. Whether you have just started caring for your parents or just need a place to talk, we're here.
Its been awhile since I have posted, but this morning I felt I needed to reach out once again. My dad has been diagonised with encephalopathy. I have never heard of it and have spent the morning trying to research it. They are doing more tests today, so hoping to know more later this afternoon. He lives in assisted living and they found him crawling around the floor looking for a rattle snake. There has been a change in his speech and he was a little confused at times. He has been unable to walk for 3 years due to back surgery, but yesterday he kept trying to get up and walk. Last night he kept seeing things that weren't there, he couldn't speak at times and kept jerking, it was so sad to watch my very strong independent dad going through this.
I don't know what to expect now and am a little worried about the outcome. If anyone has any information or advise please share.
My mother was well into dementia when she passed, but my MIL (older than both my parents, outlived them, is still alive, and is of better mind than either were) is doing rather well but has her moments of confusion.
I have learned that there are 3 basic ways to deal with this in your parents and other people. We can ignore or deny that it exists. We can work to reorient them to reality. We can go with the flow and talk to them as if the things they talk about are real.
Obviously there are blends between these options. And I am sure that there are other options. These are just from my experience.
My wife tries to reorient her mom, often asking probing questions, suggesting she re-think things, or leading her through conversation back to reality. For my MIL, it was often a short trip back to reality, and was typically only one or two things that were out of wack.
My mother on the other hand had started blending together unrelated events and memories into a single memory. At first my wife tried to reorient my mom, but as time passed I saw that mom could not resolve things. (my children never met the cat from my childhood, yet that featured in some of her conversation.) It killed me inside to watch mom try to understand how what she so clearly "remembered" was not true. So I had us change tactics and started going with the flow. If gentle nudges back to reality worked, that was great! If not, then what harm had been done?
To me it is the final act of love our parents receive from us; accepting them for who they are at the moment, and not trying to force them to become the person they were just a few short years ago.
It is hard, for me it was the hardest thing emotionally I've ever had to do. But now that they have passed (1.5 years for dad, 2.5 years for mom) I am at peace with how I interacted with them. They were fully multiple dimensional people, and time was one of those dimensions. They, like all of us, changed with time. And so did our relationships.
gentle hugs, this is not an easy journey.
ps, I hope that the doctors are able to find ways to combat this in him.
My father before he passed was delusional often. It was hard to watch when he had an episode. It's very scary. I'm sorry you have to go through this; especially your father.
I hope his condition is confirmed soon and a treatment plan is put into place.
Continuing hugs