Caring For Aging Parents Support Group

Caring for aging parents can be a difficul time as we become the caretakers for our parents. This broad responsibility can encompass such services as assisted living, adult day care, long term care, nursing homes, hospice care, and in-home care. Whether you have just started caring for your parents or just need a place to talk, we're here.

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Lynnedz56
Lynnedz56
My mother is 78 and has had her knee and shoulder replaced. She has always been basically lazy and I feel that is what lead to my dad giving up. He waited on her hand and foot for most of their life together. I have multiple medical conditions and I can't clean and cook and act like a slave. Is it normal for a 78 year old woman to lay in bed 15.5 hours a day. She claims she can't sleep at night, but she is either in bed for the 15.5 hours or sitting on the couch reading a book. She has stated she will not do dishes, so I wake up to a sink full of them. My dad refuses to do anything anymore and he wants her to wait on him...but by her staying in bed, she avoids that. I have taken to hiding in my room so they won't ask me to do things.
TroJanThunder
TroJanThunder
Keep asking for what you want dear until you get it!
deleted_user
deleted_user
How about getting some help in each day? Maybe a few hours in the morning to straighten up and make some meals for the day?

The other suggestion is asking mom's doc about some meds. Sounds like both of your parents are depressed and detached. If the doc prescribes something mild it might be enough to get them started then they might get interested in something more.

But remember at 78 life can seem very bleak. What do you think she would be interested in doing? You need to adjust your thoughts to the reality of mom's life.
Lynnedz56
Lynnedz56
They are both on antidepressants and that makes them sleep more. My mom has been this way for YEARS. My father complained about it for years. And I think his way out was he has never truly recovered from a broken leg. And then he had bypass surgery and just has gone downhill ever since. The doctors says NOTHING is wrong with him. He started into group therapy for depression and then went into the hospital. When he came home he promised to start doing more and that lasted 2 days. Now they both spend most of their days in bed. I told my mom again yesterday that they are going to KILL me. (Which is what the doctors have told me along with my therapist). She did dishes yesterday and we will see how long that lasts.
Lynnedz56
Lynnedz56
Almost forgot. My mother has been a church organist most of her life. She goes out Wednesday and Sunday to play a service. She says that is her exercise.
deleted_user
deleted_user
What if you just stop doing for them? Eventually they will need to eat. The other side is to make up a chore list. Write down, with them, who does what. Sounds like they are acting like children...so treat them like children.
pd2012
pd2012
Lynne, this has to be hard for you. No one should spend that amount of time in bed everyday. Eventually, muscle atrophy, at the very least will set in.

Unfortunately, your father set a precedent many years ago in which your mother will now look to you to fill those needs if he isn't.

I would say that if she still has the capability of going out to church then she is still able to take care of daily household chores.

It's not fun to have to retreat to your room in hopes of hiding from your parents whims! I would tell them: The restaurant is closed! But then again, who am I???? I jump and run every day for my mother! ppppppppppppfffffffffffffffffffff
TroJanThunder
TroJanThunder
You need to be FIRM with her Dear. As the parent ages the child becomes the parent and the parent becomes the child