What do you think she wants? If it were you what would you want?

If it were me I would want to be free from pain and anxiety.

Well, of course, I've given a lot of thought to that question. And a big part of me would want to be cognizant of my death process... albeit as free from pain as possible. (Reminds me a bit of giving birth - there's no way but just to do it!) And Lupe said that one reason some people don't like hospice is that they feel it prolongs the death process. If you are self-aware and can understand a bit of what's going on, you might move things along... ya know what I mean?
Another part of me can understand the attraction of nirvana-like unconsciousness. But I don't know.... really I don't.
As for what my mother would want, she was never very forthcoming about such things, her own death (always in denial!!), plans for her funeral, etc. We do have all the legal stuff in place but as for her internal attitude, her spiritual feelings, not a lot of info there. I am guessing that she would prefer to be pain-free... as arthritis and other pain has been a problem for years... but drug-induced? I'm not so sure.

Too bad you don't know more about what her wishes would be.

Follow your heart and trust your gut.

In my mom's last day I believe that she was just existing. She did not recognize anybody, or specifically she did not respond to anybody she should have known.

Like the saying goes, sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

Within a day of entering hospice my dad required so much in meds to relieve his pain that he was also unconscious. Not sure how much was due to his physical condition and how much due to the drugs. I do know he was calm and peaceful in his last days.

I think you should speak to the hospice nurse bout this. My feeling is you know she was uncomfortable before she received these meds so reducing them would bring back the same or worse. The only thing that matters at this point Is keeping mom pain free and comfortable. Doubts are normal but know you are doing what is best for mom.

Thanks, all. Yes, I remember the anxiety and moaning before we got on this more regular schedule so I'm sure this is the best. I just miss being able to have more "real" contact with her in these last days, moments.

She made it thru the night again... but has such shallow breath this a.m., today could be the day. Maybe she's waiting for my step-sister-in-law to get back from a weekend trip. We'll see... it's just a waiting game. But not a game at all.

May it be as peaceful for all of you as possible.

Oxygen is dropping - down around 83-81 even. Pulse is high and irregular - 95-113. A very choppy breathing pattern... but not much of a congestive sound to it.

I must figure out a way to sleep down here tonight. Tried to last night on a palette on the floor but I'm too old for that! Went back upstairs about midnight. Tonight maybe the cushions from the sofa... we'll see. I just can't leave her all alone. Maybe she doesn't even know I'm there (altho' I do say "I'm here, Momma" now and then) but at least I know I'm doing all I can. I want NO guilt after this is over.

Pls don't feel guilty Hon! You are a wonderful caring daughter! How bout the sofa? You might find conking there comfy enough.

Problem w/the sofa is either the little one in the den is too small (essentially a love seat) or the bigger one in the living room probably has fleas, thanks to the cats. Cushions from the love seat might work but at this point, I'm thinking... (as I said elsewhere) ... que sera, sera. So I guess I'll go upstairs to bed and see if she's still with us in the a.m. Hospice says some prefer to go alone... and I can well imagine my mom being one of those, since she has been independent and alone since 1986 when her beloved one died.
So goodnight all... I'll let you know where we are in the a.m. xoxox

The day before my dad died mom and I had a discussion about those last moments. Dad had been in hospice for a few days but unconcious. We visited three times a day for a few minutes to an hour. My brother, a nurse, had advised that the last moments can be disturbing as the involuntary reflexes fight to survive.

I asked mom if the nurses called to say it was near the end did she want to be there. She thought and then said no. So when the call came at 3 AM I told the nurse what mom had said. I took a shower and got dressed. At that point the nurse called back to say he had passed. I woke mom and told her and we went to the hospice center to see him one last time. Dad was cremated the next day.

We all need to do what works for us. There is no judging and should be no regrets or guilt. I think you know what is right for you and for mom.

There is no perfect in life, it just does not exist.

We do the best we can, holding our actions together with love.

Wishing you as much peace as possible in this final walk.

Gentle hugs

Glad you got to go upstairs and sleep in your comfy bed.