You are asking a huge question, gotta think about it some more.

Until then, ...

huge hugs

Do you mind sharing your age and that of your Mom? It sounds like the two of you have never had much of a relationship if she makes you feel that way. My older brother doesn't have much interest in being around our Mom either, so it seems to happen.

Not knowing the specifics, is there any chance your relationship with your Mom can be improved? I know when I was younger, the relationship with our Dad was not very positive. We would only get input from him when he didn't approve or what we were doing and he would just bitch and moan about religion and politics. Not very pleasant to be around.

My point is, over the years I worked to improve the relationship and trying to navigate conversation away from the negative and to things more light-hearted. He eventually came around and the last several years it was positive. Granted, after college I was only around a few times a year, so maybe absence does affect the heart, but then again my other brother that moved away didn't see the improvement in relationship and didn't really try to change it.

Mom is 89 and I am 62. I have never been close to Mom. I have tried to talk to her about my feelings about things. Didn't get anywhere. None of the times. She has always best een rigid. Can't have just light conversations. She has constant problems. And I am practically the only one that helps. No relatives except brother. He causes some of the problems.

Barbara

Thanks, that helps. My Dad was kind of the same - was not one for small talk or joking around. He did mellow out as he got into his 60s and 70s and we were able to enjoy each other.

I hate to say, but at 89, probably not much chance of Mom changing, especially if you have already tried. Some others here might have more experience with types of social services available that might be able to be a buffer in some situations with your Mom. Other than that, some form of acceptance and possibly limiting your exposure might be the best path for now. I'm so sorry to hear how tough things are. I hope things improve somehow.

As things come back to me, wow, not sure what to say.

You can try to get your mom to change, but it sounds like she is so fixed in what she worries about and what her priorities are that you may need to start treating her as more of a project and less of a "mom".

You may even need to consider adding more distance (physical, emotional and time) between you and your mother.

Continuing hugs.

I can understand your frustration and having had a bad relationship with my mother who now needs help it is very hard. I am trying to put some distance and boundaries, her constant complaining and guilt talk is getting to me. speak up to your brother if you can, if you can afford it or your mom can, get outside help for some things. she will not change at her age, sadly, I don't think. you need to do what is best for you, mentally and physically. hugs

Voicing those types of thoughts would suggest that you may be preoccupied with such a fantasy. If it's truly that bad for you, then I would distance yourself from her, completely! If that's not something that could be considered then I would suggest counseling of some type. This sounds more like depression than frustration. Or maybe an extreme combination of both.

I can understand depressed feelings here and there and utter frustration because the caregiving can be exhausting but those are pretty severe thoughts you are having.