Caring For Aging Parents Support Group
Caring for aging parents can be a difficul time as we become the caretakers for our parents. This broad responsibility can encompass such services as assisted living, adult day care, long term care, nursing homes, hospice care, and in-home care. Whether you have just started caring for your parents or just need a place to talk, we're here.
My dad is diabetic and will not follow a diet. O.K. it's his life. He had triple by-pass and refuses to follow that diet. Again, ok it's his life. But now he refuses to do anything. My mom asks him if he wants to shower and he refuses. She asks him to get washed up. he refuses. One night she had to fight with him to take his insulin. His hair and beard are ridiculous and she has asked him 3 days this week to go get them cut. She would have to take him. And he's telling her he's cutting back on vicodin and then takes 2 more when she's not looking. And lastly, we have an area rug in the front room and when my son went to clean it, we discovered my dad has spit all over that rug. Makes you sick.
My question is....how do you get them to do things? He bullies my mother and she gives in. (Along with she's lazy to begin with and really doesn't want to do these things)
I'm afraid he's going to overdose and then what? And the fact that he hasn't cleaned himself in over six weeks, is that even healthy?
Once a week, when he yells about it...she changes his Depend.
I have told my mother, I think we need to look into other options; however, we don't have any money. She agrees with me and then one day he will be a little better (stays on the couch for 3 hours and walks outside and sits on the porch.) And then she tells me he's all better now. She's in a dream world. I have medical issues that I can't take care of them or this house with them here.
And I don't know what to do or who to turn to.
My question is....how do you get them to do things? He bullies my mother and she gives in. (Along with she's lazy to begin with and really doesn't want to do these things)
I'm afraid he's going to overdose and then what? And the fact that he hasn't cleaned himself in over six weeks, is that even healthy?
Once a week, when he yells about it...she changes his Depend.
I have told my mother, I think we need to look into other options; however, we don't have any money. She agrees with me and then one day he will be a little better (stays on the couch for 3 hours and walks outside and sits on the porch.) And then she tells me he's all better now. She's in a dream world. I have medical issues that I can't take care of them or this house with them here.
And I don't know what to do or who to turn to.
I would give them both an ultimatum. Either he goes to the doctor and gets real help or they find somewhere else to live. I would check into senior apartments. Also check with your county health agency and senior agency to see what might be available for in home help. Sometimes a doctors office will be able to offer some guidance too.
Denial by the spouse is normal. They dont know what to do either and just dont want to face it.
Its hard to tell from your description if it is dementia, just plain laziness or a bit of both.
Maybe call in adult protective services? Sry I cant think of anything better right now.
Good luck and keep us posted.
My other problem is that doctor thinks he's fine...based on a two minute conversation and my dad saying nothing is wrong. I went to an appt. and tried to talk and the doctor told me to be quiet. I also had concerns about my dad eating vicodin like candy and the doctor said he'd never heard of anyone become addicted to vicodin.
Lastly, my parents lie to the doctors and the nurse who call here. I called the social worker last week and she said she was coming out again. Haven't seen her. I did call Adult Protective Services. That woman called me Thursday and said she came out twice and they would not answer the door. So, she will try again.
I know I need that dementia diagnosis to get any kind of help here.
Then after you do that............if ya get a good doctor.........you might get some answers.....and a proper diagnosis of your dad's problems.
If they will not let the APS people in...........perhaps you could arrange to meet them there and open the door:)
shoot fire!!! ;)
J
They throw all sorts of nasty medications at people with dementia, it's something you want to put off for as long as absolutely possible.
Those are my personal views. However it's 100% unfair that if one doctor says he doesn't have dementia that you would just find some other doctor that would say something different. That's YOUR fiddling, not fair.
An 80 year old man who has multiple medical problems and is refusing personal care as well as popping addictive narcotics is a danger to his own health as well as the health of everyone around him. He needs to go to a competent doctor who will give him a full evaluation and then treat appropriately. Medication is not the only treatment for dementia.