My advice would be don't do it then., Bring her home and hire in folks to help out. That's the only solution if you feel this badly about putting her in a home.

We can't really afford anyone. It will all be on my shoulders until I get help from the department of aging, but they said it would take months assuming we even qualify.

Have you started that process such as filling out all the appropriate paperwork? If so, I would call and then call again. Don't let yourself fall through the cracks which can sometimes happen. The squeaky wheel usually gets greased first.

Most people are afraid of going to a nursing home. But she might actually enjoy having more of a social life around people her age.

It is going to be very tough on you to handle this on your own.

Nursing homes for adults are not like homes for children, but convincing your mother of that may be hard.

Most nursing homes I have experience with allow family to visit pretty much any time of day/night that they want. And most of those encourage family visits, and having family present during therapy!

You could tell your mother that she 'needs' to go to a nursing home in order to get the most out of physical therapy. Let her know you will be there often, and that the staff will have your phone number in case they need to call you.

Then do it!

I know, it will be hard, perhaps the hardest thing you have to do.

My wife and her siblings united and told their mother that she HAD to go to a nursing home in order to get PT and OT. Once they cleared her to take care of ADL (activities of daily Living) then they would help her move back home. Both of her daughters used family leave and vacation time to stay with her after she moved back home.

Sadly neither of her sons was similarly inclined.

She resisted, but resigned herself to that. It worked, she learned how to adapt to her limitations (severely broken shoulder), and learned how to use grabbers and other enhancement devices. (Mostly a walker and a cane to go with the grabber)

gentle hugs

I agree with Pepper.
And if it is a place nearby, you can go and see her, and make sure she is ok on a regular schedule.
If you can't take her home feeling like you can handle it, you are only setting yourself up for failure.
This really may be good for her. And it isn't prison, she isn't locked away forever. and if the hospital sends her there, it will be more likely to be covered by medicare or medicaid (if you are US).
Plus, you need to be able to take care of yourself. I know it is a scary change, but change happens if we want it or not, at least this would be in both of your best interests. Try it.

This is tearing me apart. This decision is even more difficult than the decision to take my dad off of life support because I have to live with knowing she desperately wants to come home and doesn't want to be in a home. I am in tears right now because the thought of her being in a home is killing me. I honestly would rather die than make the decision.

If I knew she would be coming home eventually it would be easier, but I am afraid she will be there to stay. I think they just want to put her in a long term living facility. I don't think she'd be getting PT or OT (but I am not sure). She is getting PT and OT at the rehab she is at, but they are washing their hands of her. I've been asking for a psychiatric evaluation in hopes that medication would ease her fear, but they have never honored my request. The social worker is just horrible to deal with.

I wish I had more time.

One thing you can do is to keep pushing for that psych eval. Keep pounding on them the fact about your mother's fear of falling and tell them you need to know how to react to that in a way that does not limit your mother reaching the potential they have.

There is one more thing to consider, and it can be very hard to deal with. It nearly tore my father apart to hear it about mom. We all get to a point where our condition is not going to get better. Your mother may be there.

It is hard to deal with, I'm feeling very down just saying this, but it is something we have to deal with at some point.

Do you have somebody who you have a lot of trust in, but is more detached from your mother than you and your family are? Perhaps a friend who is a doctor or a nurse? They might be able to talk with you and help you resolve your feelings; perhaps they can help you find a way to convince the medical staff to find a way your mom can come home with you, or perhaps they can find a way for you to accept that your mother will not be able to come home.

I wish we could wave a wand and make things easy for you, but that is not the way life works. But please know that we are here to support you what ever path you walk through this very hard issue.

Continuing hugs

If being placed by the hospital then the insurance pays for so many days/weeks of her stay at the nursing home. But, trust me. They'll also want to know what her financial status is as far as paying for long term care after the insurance runs out. You'll need to give them a detailed financial statement, investments, income and real estate. They want their money so whatever resources need to be exhausted or sold will be before too long. Wherever she goes, most places do have rehab. The only problem with rehab is that they never force a patient to go. At least that's been my observation with my father and MIL.

pd2012, see that is the other thing that worries me. If we are forced to sell the house to pay for the home then I will be homeless.

Pepper, your kindness has been really helpful. I thank you for taking the time out to reply to my threads and offer your advice and support.

I do worry my mom might be at the point where her condition may not improve, but the rehab should have tried a psych evaluation. It might have worked.

Unfortunately I don't have a good friend that can give me their opinion. I really wish I did. DS is all I have and I am thankful for all of the advice I have been given.

Yep. That is usually what it boils down to

Could you and your mom go to the homes in your area and check them out together? Make sure she would be happy there? That way you both are going to be comfortable with it and you don't have to feel guilty. And your mom won't feel afraid. Big Hugs GB