Caregivers Support Group
A voluntary caregiver is a spouse, relative, friend or neighbor of a disabled person or child who assists with activities of daily living and assists those unable to fully take care of themselves. The challenges of a caregiver are unique and sometimes it's hard to find people to talk to who know what you're going through. Join the conversation and find others who...
I haven't been on here for awhile. I have been working very hard. I could just use some support. My mom is an absolute nightmare right now. I'm very close to just suddenly walking away and severing all ties.
It's a long story which I posted most of last year in another post.
To be brief, she finally got into physical therapy. Tests came back normal as far as I know. She was doing so much better. The therapy helped and they told her she was doing good and should go to fitness classes for seniors, which her insurance pays for.
But no surprise she quit going to therapy and not taking classes because she is lazy. I really think this is a mental issue and maybe why her doc doesn't help her much. I mean maybe her doc has already tried to help her and sees she won't do anything.
Now my mom sits in her chair all day and throws herself a pity party. I'm so over it. She was doing great but she refused to remember that. Also blames not going to gym on the weather. I told her how stupid that excuse is when it is indoors and we have had rain not snow this winter. Then she blamed her friend from high school. I don't even know how that one figures.
I'm honestly starting to think the best thing I can do to help her is to just leave. I've realized a lot of things. One is I don't respect my mom and never have. Two is that she is a toxic narcissist who doesn't love me. All I am to her is another person to bleed dry and be dependent on, like she has done her whole life. And like with other people, her problems are always their fault or my fault, not hers. No matter how hard I work to have money to pay her bills, or buy her things to make her happy, it never will because she is a miserable mentally ill and manipulative person. Nothing I do is ever going to please her, and it sure as hell isn't what's best for me. I've just been guilt tripped for years and years that I would be a bad daughter if I didn't take care of her, when really she wasn't that bad off, she just makes out to be worse and not take care of herself so she doesn't have to.
Now she really isn't in good shape but I can't help that. I'm not a doctor, I can't get her pain meds, and she doesn't want to eat healthy or get exercise so there is nothing I can do if she won't help herself. As far as paying bills, I'm dividing them more fairly. She can't go getting loans and maxing credit cards if I'm not there to pay other bills.
Idk if anyone else has experience with women of this mentality like they need to be a dependent and can't do anything else but it is extremely frustrating and stupid. I believe maybe God is trying to teach her a lesson and she just hasn't learned.
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... observed a solar eclipse.
possible. Paid people, volunteers, And have only as much contact with mom
as you can tolerate. My mother loved me. But she wouldn't help herself.All my suggestions were ,no that won't work, I can't do that. She would complain about therapy. Stopped going because therapist couldn't solve her problems.
She was rigid. Had set ideas and that's it. Drove me crazy. Took me years
to learn just how set in her ways she was. I made myself sick at times trying to
help her. And her rejecting everything I said. Finally had to give up trying.
My heartgoes out.too you young lady.
I lost my mom a few years ago. What I would give to have my beloved mom here.
I loved my mom dearly. She was hard on me growing up. Had to learn to cook and clean, and babysit from the age of 7. I was Cinderella . I got whoopins for being late from school. Didnt get to plsy outside as a child. Sometimes i would get stomped by my parents. The rest of my siblings had it better. I always loved my parents even though I felt tgey didnt love me.
I beleieve your mom is going through something that either her or a psychologist could only work out. Dont give Up on mom. Maybe give her space. Then try again at a later time. You should taje a break take care of yourself. Have some Fun. Can another sibbling or friend help.
You are a very good daughter. You hang in there.
May God give you strength young lady. I will pray for you and mom. Sandra♥️
My fiance helped clean up yard and house over the weekend. I have some help with stuff like that but she is a strain on our relationship.
It just gets so frustrating dealing with someone who has an entitled princess mentality. She seems to think she is the only one who has physical pain and tired. Yeah she is old, but young people work our fingers to the bone. We hurt too, we deal with it or find smarter ways to work. She expects so much of my fiance and I. She has no idea what it is like to work all day and hold down a full time job because she has never had one. She gives us a hard time for relaxing in the evening or spending money on something that isn't for the house, even tho we buy our clothes at Goodwill and discount stores she resents us for buying things. She expects us to put every penny into that stupid house that I want to move out of someday. It's ridiculous. I have to cook dinner and do laundry and clean. She just sits in her chair all day and watches TV or naps. It's laziness. She is not old enough to be in that bad of shape and not contribute at all.
I took care of her when she had her knee surgeries, it's like she thinks I need to continue that even tho that was years ago and she is fine now.
I've tried and tried to get her to go to a therapist but she doesn't like them because they won't join the pity party, they actually try to help.
So my fiance and I are just doing the minimum for her right now and taking care of our health and finance right now.