Caregivers Support Group
A voluntary caregiver is a spouse, relative, friend or neighbor of a disabled person or child who assists with activities of daily living and assists those unable to fully take care of themselves. The challenges of a caregiver are unique and sometimes it's hard to find people to talk to who know what you're going through. Join the conversation and find others who...
The last week or so my mom has gone down hill alot. This summer in general she is in much worse condition. She lives with me and my fiance.
I have talked to her every single day since last Monday about physical therapy and doctor appt and her health. I feel like I am talking to a wall. She is putting too much stress on us by not seeking help. She literally looks on the verge of tears most of the time and has been saying she is dying and afraid she has cancer. Idk why she thinks she has cancer other than her back hurts and she thinks back pain is caused by tumors. This is so ignorant and crazy.
I see a chiropractor regularly and told them what was happening with her. They said what she is experiencing is likely caused by her knee surgery making her throw her weight differently and twisting her back to pinch nerves. They told me they could help her and get her on a phys therapy plan. They also take both types of her insurance. I thought great wonderful news.
Wrong. I've been nagging my mom to go all week. She is getting so bad she can't even help around the house and can do very little self care. Sitting around all the time is what has gotten her into this mess. She could go any time but acts like she is stuck at the house unless I go with her. She has an appt to have some tests run Wednesday but it has nothing to do with her back, it is at her heart doctor. She has had a heart condition and been on meds since I was a teenager.
I am so sick of arguing with her. She is an adult on disability with good insurance. I feel it is her responsibility to make doc appts and go to them. She doesn't want me to go with her. I've been trying to get her to change her reg doc for years and she seems to think she can't for some reason. I really think phys therapy and some x-rays are just what she needs but I can't make her go. I really think she needs a mental professional and antidepressants too. She has just totally given up over something that is fairly simple and can be fixed. If she continues to go down hill she will have to go in a home because I won't be qualified to take care of her. She is only 67 and should not be in this bad of shape if she took better care of herself and listened to me. She has just gotten so complacent and negative. She doesn't want to try new things or leave the house or talk to people. I talked to my brother yesterday briefly but he is very busy and doesn't live with us so I don't think he understands how bad she is. I just wish my brother and I could team up against her and make her go to a better doctor and phys therapy. She said she wouldn't do exercise because it hurts. Well obviously something is wrong and needs fixed if it hurts. We go round and round like this.
My fiance and I really want to try to move out next year so we have our own house, a bigger house. I want her to get better not worse. I don't want to have her living with me the rest of my life. I had to move back in after leaving twice because she fell and hurt herself before. This can't keep happening, especially when she is in bad shape because she sits around all the time. She makes no effort to eat healthy or lose weight or do anything to make herself happy. I'm tired of worrying about her when she doesn't try. It's all one sided and incredibly frustrating. I can't just give up and let my mom get in worse shape and die! At the same time I feel like I am spoiling her by letting her have her way too much and doing things for her. I'm trying to formulate a plan so I don't have so much responsibility. I've already talked to her about helping more on bills. What else can I do? I feel like I have never been happy or had a young life because I have always had to deal with her. I am only 27. I can't keep putting her first. What do I do?
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Does anyone follow her? She's really got some good tips.
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yourself first most of the time. Talk to a therapist to get
ideas on how to change the situation. Look into low cost
services you mother might qualify for. You can't be
everything for her.
someone to take her to the doctors. Help her in the house.
So you can move out. Just someone to take over some of
Your burden. Could you mother be developing dementia
of some sort? If she is behaving differently than normal for her.
What do her doctors say, if they will talk to you.
Ok so yesterday was my day off and I had many errands to run but found time to talk to my mom about the fact I feel she is giving up and she is really worrying me. She had an appointment with her vascular doc yesterday so I told her she should mention her other symptoms. I'm thinking maybe she has fractures in her back or hips.
So anyway last night she told me that her vascular doctor made her promise to make an appt asap with her reg doc and get referred to a specialist to get MRI and x-rays. She listened.
But then she told me something scary. The reason she thinks she has tumors is because she has a big knot on the back of her head. She had me feel it and she def does. She has been keeping this from me for 6 months!
She recently lost a brother to cancer and his started with a knot on the back of his head.
I'm thinking it's a bulged disc or vertebrae whatever but I am not a doctor so idk. Please pray my mom doesn't have anything bad.
Mom asked her doc for a referral. Doc refused without seeing her first but won't see her until her usual appt for blood work later this year.
My mom got upset and told them off on the phone. I'm glad. I've been telling her for years that her doc is a quack bitch that won't help her and thinks she is a hypochondriac.
My mom is finally considering a dif doc. I still think she should see my chiropractor. That would be the quickest way to get some answers.