I'm so sorry Kiddo. It has to be awful to spend so much time in the ER.
My husband is doing ok for now. I know his issues will soon cause problems.
Sending you hug's & support my friend !

~ Phoebe

wow...that sitting in the er makes me crazy.
We don't go for help. he just complains a lot. and sleeps a lot. luckily he goes to bed by 9 or 9:30 and unfortunately he wakes me up every morning by 6 or 6:30....I hear him moan and groan all day...from when he gets up and puts on support hose, to the insulin shot, to every ache he feels....
I think if I ever acted like that, no one would know what to do!

My mom says I can't die before her or my husband, because then she would be stuck with custody of him! LOL!

seriously, if the er isn't helping him, do you have to take him? do the drs have any suggestions? Plus each trip there exposes him to MORE germs and infection options.
hugs and a pat on the back for your patience.

Thanks Phoebes and blueviolet.... (and glad to hear all is going smooth at the moment with your hubby Phoebes!)

I did tell him tonight that we cannot just run to the ER every time he feels bad (thank goodness we have very good insurance), Besides having pain all the time (he's on a pain patch too), probably most of the problem is the dialysis. It wears him out. They even made some changes about 2 months ago at the dialysis center to see if it would help him, and it did for awhile. Unfortunately, the elderly have a very hard time with dialysis (life span of the elderly age 77+) averages about 5 years on dialysis, and he has been on it for 3 full years now. Many of the elderly finally say "no more". He was pretty much talking about that tonight. Unfortunately, stopping dialysis means a death sentence. I don't really believe he is quite ready to throw in the towel, but from last year at this time to this year, there has been a huge drop in his health and being able to handle dialysis. He's also very much more dependent on oxygen than he was a year ago. Of course, with the feeling lousy comes a lot of negative things and words about how he will not live through the summer. Tonight he told me he knows he is "going to collapse" before I go up to Washington in 10 days. (Going to be gone 3 days. I've got help coming in.) I try to ignore it, but the stress of hearing something like that does not help me. Gals, it's good to have friends like you to let me vent!!

My mom had COPD and passed away in February. She never felt good and the only reason she didn't go to the hospital more often is because she hates our hospital, along with plenty others.. Is there someone that could come in and talk to your husband and explain that what he does have wrong causes a lot of dizziness, nausea, fatigue, etc... I know it did for my mother. COPD is relentless and only gets worse in time, causing the others symptoms to become worse as well. I do understand what you are going through. I was my mom's care giver for over a year and the last few months became almost unbearable. It got to the point that I would call an ambulance for her and not go with her. The guilt that can be bestowed on us can be very damaging to our health. What worries me and I wonder about is whether or not you are taking time for YOU?? I really hope you are. Hugs GB

Kiddo, so sorry you have had to deal with two ER stints. We all know how awful that is. The guilt trips should come with mileage points. I am going to Denver to see two of my sisters, and see my niece graduate from nursing school. My husband is trying to make special plans in case he dies while I'm gone. My grown grandson, my daughter, a hospice nurse, social worker, massage therapist and spiritual counselor will be here. His "plans" are to get me to stay. Phoebe always advocates caregivers need some time away. I plan on following that advice. Go to Washington enjoy. We are only human, no tired super humans. Lol

I am sure I will get to Washington. Hubby is OK, but today, while on dialysis, he told the dialysis nurse he was thinking of stopping dialysis. He was having some breathing issues, and not feeling good so the nurse came over to talk with him. The nurse said that after a few minutes of him talking to her, he started to feel better. I do believe when he is left alone or not in a conversation with someone, he starts to think of all his health issues and anxiety/depression set in. The nurse agrees with me. Hubby says we do not spend enough time together. I am with him almost all the time - with the exception of having to be at the office about18 hours a week where he is left home alone, (hey, we gotta have income!) my Sunday morning walk with my friend, and then an occasional 4-5 hours away MAYBE twice a month so I can do something for me. And when I do something for me (like go to a baseball game or maybe an afternoon trip to play cards or go with a girlfriend to a casino, our grandson stays with him. So basically, the only time he does not have someone with him is when I am at the office. I have even brought in-home help to be with him and drive him to dialysis. Hubby is having a lot of problems with relaxing, not shutting off his brain, etc. There are so many issues.....ahahaha.

does he watch movies? my husband ordered some (not porno) movies on the tv while I spent the night with my mom...That and his love of that horrible car racing.(the kind that sounds like mosquitoes buzzing) seems to occupy him where he loses track of time.

I have taken hubby to so many extended family events that he is starting to beg to stay home alone!

I think it is a wonderful gift that some of the doctors and nurses can give, when they spend a few minutes in deep conversation with their clients. gives us a break and they feel heard.

My husband says same thing that we dont spend enough time together too...even though I am with him every day all day because he cant be left alone. Only time i get out of the house is when i am picking up medications from pharmacy or run to grocery store and i have one of the kids sit with him so i can leave. Our home care nurse says it is normal for the dependent person to feel anxious when the caregiver is gone away from home because they depend on us for so much. I have always done my best to make my trips out of the house very short and not to frequent. Now that this has been going on for over 3 yrs I am feeling so alone and isolated and its very much adding to my depression.
I dont like the idea of more meds but my husbands nurse practitioner had to put him on medication for the extreme anxiety.

I so understand. I try the best I can to mind my own business and if I could, I would have him go by cab to the doctors. I would not manage this disease that same way he does and it's some times hard not to tell him so. However, I sure it's not way he wants and certainly not the way we both thought the third stage of life would be like.

We took 2-visits to the ER and one to Urgent Care. Last time my husband wanted to go to the ER I refused to take him. I hate going and being there only made him worse. Since then he has not asked to go. The doctor even told me that I don't need to go. I meet an ER nurse who agreed that the ER was not a good place. I would only go if I felt it was really really necessary.