Hi all,

(this is going to be a long one.....) About 10 years ago, I found out that my husband (whom I do caregiving for) attempted two or three times to behave inapporpriately with an underage female family member. Without getting into details, I am sure you get my drift. Fortunately it was brought to the attention of the mother before it got beyond an "attempt". It caused a HUGE nightmare in our lives, he was written off by most of his family members. I was devastated and it has taken quite a toll on our marriage. Shortly afterwards I found out that many things my husband had told me about himself were lies. From the day I found out about my husbands inappropriate behavior, I moved into another room to sleep at night. I found out that I started sleeping much better (no hearing the snoring, coughing/etc.). I have never moved back to sleeping in the same room with him except for when family is here, so we have room for others to sleep in the house. I still have issues with the "event" and have also since found out that he sexually molested my sister one time back in the late 90's when she was really drunk. She withheld telling me that until a few months ago and told me when my husband had pissed her off one day. She had carried this burden and could not longer keep it in her. (so much more to tell but can't get it all in) Of course, my anger towards my husband never really goes away but I try to keep it a peaceful house. We both went to counseling over this. Divorcing him is pretty much not an option and was not really an option at the time all this other stuff came out 10 years ago, as he was not able to work, no one in his family would have come to his aide and I have been left to be his caregiver. He could not live alone due to all the severe medical issues. And I also decided that at the time all this stuff came out about 10 years ago that I would not leave him, partially because he begged me not too. But I knew in my heart I would never feel the same towards him. I was angry that I had helped him through all his medical issues to that point and his way of payback was to act like an idiot and lie to me about things in his life. it has not been a very easy 10 years and one thing that really helps me is that I can go to my own room at night to sleep, and have this as my sanctuary and time of peace. Sometimes the caregiving gets pretty intense and I look so forward to being alone and just unwinding in my own room. Ok, so now to my current problem. We are having my son, his wife, grandchildren visiting now and there will be anywhere from 6-8 people in our house for the next month. I have to sleep in the room with him so others have a room to sleep in. It's OK, and I am fine even though I had to take two motrin PM and down a Vicodin last night so I could get to sleep amongst his anxiety, coughing, wheezing, snoring etc. My husband is really starting to go off the deep end and having a fit because I will not sleep in the room with him on a regular basis. He feels that beause he wants me to and he says he sleeps better, that I should do this for him. His anxiety level is increasing all the time, he won't eat much and he wanted to get into all this "sleeping in the room" discussion with him during my family's visit. I have tried to tell him that I NEED to have my sleep and I am NOT going to sleep with him in the same room because it takes a toll on MY HEALTH ( I already have rheumatoid arthritis). But while my family is here I am doing it and not complaining about it. DS friends, I am really having a tough time today, I am starting to get anxiety myself about this. I cannot go back to sleeping in the same room with him on a regular basis and will not, but it is now turning into a major event with him. I have done so much for him, stuck with him thru this freakin nightmare he caused (he does not know I know about what he did to my sister). I get angry because the last nearly 20 years I have been there as a caregiver for him when I could have walked out 10 years ago and wish I had (but people would have said I deserted a sick old man). My husband is now not wanting to even be ALONE for any length of time and is having anxiety attacks more frequently. (And I am also trying to run a business and cannot always be at home) I am supposed to spend the day with my son and grandkids at a waterpark on Wednesday (yes, I probably bring in help to be with him, but he will refuse). I am nearly at my wits end with this man. I am taking him to the family doctor on Friday regarding the increase in his anxiety to see if he can prescribe something. He takes xanax but the anxiety is worse and I am beginning to lose it. Right in the middle of what should be a fun time with my son and family (I only see my son every few years) I am dealing with a husband who is getting angrier at me beause I refuse to sleep in the same room on a regular basis. I don't know if any one has any words of wisdom, but I had to vent. I am at the office now while the family is at home and I do not even want to go home. Thanks for listening, my wonderful DS friends.