Caregivers Support Group
A voluntary caregiver is a spouse, relative, friend or neighbor of a disabled person or child who assists with activities of daily living and assists those unable to fully take care of themselves. The challenges of a caregiver are unique and sometimes it's hard to find people to talk to who know what you're going through. Join the conversation and find others who...
During the time of my husband's failed surgery and all the tough things that was going on with that, like our lives being turned upside down, I was also diagnosed Sojgerns Syndrome. Let's just say it's kin to Lupus.
I had a lot of leave time built up at work, along with vacation time so I was lucky. I had to take my husband to a lot of doc visits and care for him and it gave me time me to learn and cope with my illness.
Next came the fact that my husband and I had to move "back home." He was military and of course couldn't stay in. Nightmare for him physically and mentally because he loved the military and now he had to have help with even the smallest things. And nightmare for both of us because we had to wait for disability and move "back home" where we both were from with my son and go through our savings so we would not be a burden financially on him. Also I couldn't work... I cared for my husband. And again I was blessed to have my son because he was good to both of us and would help me with lifting when he was not at work.
What got me was most was family and friends acted as if nothing changed. I am talking 98% of them would call me wanting to go to lunch or to shop and I thought to myself "what is wrong with you people!!" I would kindly explain that I had to cook, clean, give meds, lift, help move or whatever for my husband and I couldn't afford to shop anymore." My son when home would give me breaks to where I could get out and about to myself some, but to spend money when no money was coming in except to help my son with his bills and food I couldn't do. It seemed to me like anyone who SAW my husband could understand, and they all knew our financial situation.
Finally I got tired of the friends and family that pulled at me and told them more or less to bug off and some of those people I did it in a very unkind way.
Maybe I am feeling sorry for myself, I don't know, but it's been one loss after the other in some way shape form or fashion.
Now I have a house of my own and I have grandchildren who visit. And though I have not gone all out in years with decor for Christmas I want to spiff up the house a little with some Christmas things. But every time I start I get frustrated and start crying! I am not a crying person by nature at all, and I am feeling like a big baby which I hate.
Thanks.
I had a lot of leave time built up at work, along with vacation time so I was lucky. I had to take my husband to a lot of doc visits and care for him and it gave me time me to learn and cope with my illness.
Next came the fact that my husband and I had to move "back home." He was military and of course couldn't stay in. Nightmare for him physically and mentally because he loved the military and now he had to have help with even the smallest things. And nightmare for both of us because we had to wait for disability and move "back home" where we both were from with my son and go through our savings so we would not be a burden financially on him. Also I couldn't work... I cared for my husband. And again I was blessed to have my son because he was good to both of us and would help me with lifting when he was not at work.
What got me was most was family and friends acted as if nothing changed. I am talking 98% of them would call me wanting to go to lunch or to shop and I thought to myself "what is wrong with you people!!" I would kindly explain that I had to cook, clean, give meds, lift, help move or whatever for my husband and I couldn't afford to shop anymore." My son when home would give me breaks to where I could get out and about to myself some, but to spend money when no money was coming in except to help my son with his bills and food I couldn't do. It seemed to me like anyone who SAW my husband could understand, and they all knew our financial situation.
Finally I got tired of the friends and family that pulled at me and told them more or less to bug off and some of those people I did it in a very unkind way.
Maybe I am feeling sorry for myself, I don't know, but it's been one loss after the other in some way shape form or fashion.
Now I have a house of my own and I have grandchildren who visit. And though I have not gone all out in years with decor for Christmas I want to spiff up the house a little with some Christmas things. But every time I start I get frustrated and start crying! I am not a crying person by nature at all, and I am feeling like a big baby which I hate.
Thanks.
life with illness, dealing with your own, and caring for another, is something that a lot of people simply can't understand. I do not see my friends much, but i'm also at a point where, when I do have free time, that is not a priority. it's sad but true. I have had some friends who simply don't understand, no matter what I tell them. I tell them, "I can't leave my grandmother home alone" or "I only have help this day or that day" and yet they still want me to go to a movie at the last minute, or want to go out to lunch on a day when I've already told them i am not free. they just don't get it so there comes a point when I don't want to bother with them. sometimes people even have this issue with family members, so i'm happy that your son understands and can help you.
we all have times when we are more sad than other times. sometimes it doesn't take much. i think the holidays are especially hard for all of us. just remember that you are not alone, you have people here who care and are always willing to listen and offer support and sympathy.
Keep doing what you can each day. Put up one or two Christmas decorations (even if you cry) and sit back and admire it and let yourself enjoy it's beauty. That's what I did, took me some time, but I'm glad I did.
And one last thing. I'm sure you know this.... but we're all here rooting you on because we share a common bond and understand your struggle.
Sending many hugs and love, Gwen :-)