Idk how much longer I can keep it together. I'm going on vacation soon. When I get back I think my bf and I need to have a conversation about whether we should start saving and looking for a new place to live, and whether or not my mom is coming with us. Ideally I think we should move out someplace by ourselves for awhile, maybe try to get something that has a place for her too in future when she is just too bad off.

It's a big problem to wrap my head around. My mom is in very poor physical condition. She has osteo arthritis and nerve damage. She is severely overweight and recently got some blood work done that came back very bad. They said she is pre diabetic and her triglycerides and blood pressure were still too high, despite meds. She also has a heart condition and has to take blood thinners. Her feet and legs swell more often than not and she has trouble walking or standing for long periods of time.

I really worry about her and don't trust her to live alone. My dad has been dead 12 years. Ever since then I have basically paid all the bills. Once I learned to cook and budget for groceries I took over most of that role. I also do most of the housework. She helps on laundry when she can and she likes to do dishes because it makes her hands feel better. Other than that tho, she mostly just sits and stares. It is so weird and unhealthy.

My mom had me when she was 40. Ever since I can remember she has been in bad shape and not felt like doing much. She never really worked other than for herself babysitting or cleaning a few rich old ladies houses. I really think a lot of my mom's problems are mental, manifesting as physical. She obviously has depression, she is abusive towards me and always has been. She has poor social skills which is why she never had a real job; she was just too crippingly shy to get one.

She always plays victim which ignites my temper like nothing else. She won't take responsibility for her actions or even attempt to take care of herself. She is like a child expecting everyone else to do it for her. She tells me all the time that most of her life she has just been sitting around waiting to die. I've told her to seek therapy. She used to go but they must've made her mad cuz she quit going. She doesn't go to phys therapy anymore either. She complains all the time about hurting but she can't find pain meds without side effects. I try to tell her to get up and move around, it will help.

Now that the weather is nice she has been puttering around outside and talking about doc appointments. I wish she would get on pain meds and antidepressants. Heck I wish she would drink wine or something.

Her mind is stuck in the past. When I worked at a nursing home we had to take dementia training and learn about it. At first I was like omg my mom has dementia. But then I was like wait she has been like that ever since I can remember, and other people have told me that she was like that before I was born. True she has had some rough things happen, but she doesn't seem to have ever tried to help herself or move on. She just makes excuses and blames others. It's so frustrating.

Lately i have been avoiding her as much as possible. I go home, make dinner, go in my bedroom and shut the door. My nerves are frayed all the time. I get so sick of listening to her monologues and vague questions. She gets me mixed up with my brother alot. She asks me questions about things that I don't remember then tells me I'm stupid for not remembering. It's never anything important and usually something a kid wouldn't remember anyway. What 4 year old remembers how someone's house was decorated or what kind of car someone drove? I don't! Who cares?

I wish she would be more outgoing and take care of herself. She can drive and has a nice car and a phone. She can leave whenever and talk to people her own age. We live in a rural area but we have 2 community centers for old people to mingle and play games, adult dances. She won't go, turns her nose up.

I sometimes think I am enabling her and should just leave. When I lived with my ex, I came back after being gone 6 months and the house was a filthy disaster. It smelled, stuff needed repaired, and the fridge was almost bare. She wasn't eating because she said she is fat and doesn't deserve to eat. She won't listen to me she is so self destructive.

She watches way too much TV and gets so involved in the characters she starts getting dramatic and acting like them. Using plaintive voices that don't sound like her to whine about nothing. I've noticed one show she watches one character is a spoiled old rich lady with dementia. I honestly think she is just acting like her. I don't think she really has anything, altho her heart condition makes her at risk for stroke, so I keep an eye out for signs of that. She is driving me nuts. It's like having a little kid to take care of. Yesterday was my day off and I cleaned the whole house. She sat in her chair and stared for awhile. Finally she did dishes then had to take a nap while I was scrubbing floors. I found stuff so dirty like a little kid sweeping dirt under a rug.

It's my house but still I may move out and just let her stay there. I think we would both be happier. Maybe she would be more motivated to help herself.