Caregivers Support Group
A voluntary caregiver is a spouse, relative, friend or neighbor of a disabled person or child who assists with activities of daily living and assists those unable to fully take care of themselves. The challenges of a caregiver are unique and sometimes it's hard to find people to talk to who know what you're going through. Join the conversation and find others who...
I'm new to this particular group and feel I need to vent a little, and perhaps ask some questions.
A couple years ago my Dad had several strokes. He's very weak, cannot take care of himself, and has a very poor memory (I think he either has Alzheimer's or something similar). He probably should be in a nursing home, but my mom wants to keep him here as long as we can manage it.
All he can do is watch TV. He wants to watch the same things OVER and OVER again, but only things he's seen before having his strokes because he already understands them. For example, he had season 1 of "Friends" and he would watch it all day everyday.
Over time I bought him the other 9 seasons for his own enjoyment, and so we wouldn't have to hear the same episodes over and over again. Still, it was getting frustrating to hear the show all the time, and the theme song was driving us crazy!
I recently bought him seasons 1 & 2 of "Dallas" and two DVDs of "James Bond" movies. I figured this would give us a break from hearing "Friends" nonstop.
Every time I've given him a new DVD I always tell him that, since I've done this for him, he has to allow us to watch TV when we're not feeling well. I stress that it's the least he can do to be understanding and patient, and I stress how unwell we are. Every time he answers, "Yes, yes" like he's hear it a million times. But it's no use - every time we need to watch TV he doesn't stop nagging us, so we can barely enjoy it!
I know he has dementia, but this is getting really upsetting. He's getting ruder and ruder, and he barks orders at us like we're his servants. He's more and more impatient with us - or at least with me - and I'm starting to regret buying him all these DVDs. I don't know if he's getting worse mentally, or if I've made him worse by buying the DVDs for him and rewarding him for his behaviour.
Does anybody have any insight or advice?
Has anyone gone through something similar with a parent? If so, I would love to hear your story.
I should note that buying a new TV is not an option.
A couple years ago my Dad had several strokes. He's very weak, cannot take care of himself, and has a very poor memory (I think he either has Alzheimer's or something similar). He probably should be in a nursing home, but my mom wants to keep him here as long as we can manage it.
All he can do is watch TV. He wants to watch the same things OVER and OVER again, but only things he's seen before having his strokes because he already understands them. For example, he had season 1 of "Friends" and he would watch it all day everyday.
Over time I bought him the other 9 seasons for his own enjoyment, and so we wouldn't have to hear the same episodes over and over again. Still, it was getting frustrating to hear the show all the time, and the theme song was driving us crazy!
I recently bought him seasons 1 & 2 of "Dallas" and two DVDs of "James Bond" movies. I figured this would give us a break from hearing "Friends" nonstop.
Every time I've given him a new DVD I always tell him that, since I've done this for him, he has to allow us to watch TV when we're not feeling well. I stress that it's the least he can do to be understanding and patient, and I stress how unwell we are. Every time he answers, "Yes, yes" like he's hear it a million times. But it's no use - every time we need to watch TV he doesn't stop nagging us, so we can barely enjoy it!
I know he has dementia, but this is getting really upsetting. He's getting ruder and ruder, and he barks orders at us like we're his servants. He's more and more impatient with us - or at least with me - and I'm starting to regret buying him all these DVDs. I don't know if he's getting worse mentally, or if I've made him worse by buying the DVDs for him and rewarding him for his behaviour.
Does anybody have any insight or advice?
Has anyone gone through something similar with a parent? If so, I would love to hear your story.
I should note that buying a new TV is not an option.
My recently deceased husband. Had many complications from the masses of treatments for AML leukemia. One of the problems he ended up with was delirium. That is a form if dementia.
He became a different man at times. He became impatient, rude and sometimes obnoxious. The more I did for him the less grateful, he was.
I can assure you, that was not my husband, it was THE ILLNESS.
You have to know also that is not you dad, it is the illness.
Now my husband has passed,I am so thankful, I kept being kind, patient and loving with him. I have peace with that.
I ask you to try and be as kind, loving and supportive of your dad as you can. He truly can't help his behaviour. Just like my husband,your dad's brain has become sick. I know if anything was to happen to your dad, you will have no regrets.
I send you love, peace and hope.
Sandra. My prayers also.
I think part of the problem is that, in a lot of ways, my dad really isn't that different from before he had the strokes. He's always been selfish, inconsiderate, and impatient. I think he's always had some kind of brain damage from the paint fumes where he worked. So, I guess I don't know how much of this IS the illness and how much of it is just my old Dad being a whiney little baby.
I really appreciate it that you've both shared your advice and your experiences with me.
My father prior to his passing wanted to tape every show there was on tv on vhs tapes. There were literally thousands of them in the house that we had to throw out. I don't know why but watching anything familiar or getting involved in tasks that they remember how to do seems to be the route they follow.