gosh sorry!!! I've been lucky so far that I'm still healthy. I have my sister (retired) that would come if I really needed her. she is my back up plan. She lives in Tenn. I live in California. While my husband was in the hospital she came out her for about a month. What a big help. She was my eyes at the hospital during the day since I work outside of the house. If you can hire help it would be nice. I found its very expensive here in California. My husband is not a trusting person and has issues with anyone other than family in the house. He didn't want me to hire anyone. Right now I've asked a retired neighbor to help with transportation and my husbands ok with that. If you can afford hired help it would be great, just having someone help with laundry and dishes would take such a load off. best wishes for you Arlene

Knock on wood.....I rarely get sick. I think it has been over 3 years since I have had a cold. When I do need help for me (such as surgery) my sister does jump in and take me to the procedure. When I had to leave for an emergency trip to Washington (I made the plan reservation at 11 pm at night, was on the plane at 6 am!) my sister handled everything for my husband. Now if I got sick long term or my Rheumatoid Arthritis took a turn for the worse, that might be a problem! I also live in CA - getting help in is expensive. I have had to do it though and it was something like $200 per day for three days. Maybe you could slowly introduce someone into the household, you are there at the same time they are till your husband can build up trust.

Thanks for your response. I am in California also but wouldn't need someone 24/7 and maybe just 3 days a week. I need someone to cook for my husband and clean up and take him for a walk and things like that. I'm hoping that I could get that at $15.00 per hour. He's not easy to take care of and he is from Thailand so I would like to find someone that can cook Thai food. He is not a invalid yet and can move around. I guess I just need to go on one of those websites like care.com once I decide exactly what I want.
Thanks!
Betsy
PS Wish I had a relative like you do that could help but they all work full time (even if they didn't I'm not sure if they would be willing)

I pretty much have to hope that I don't get sick,but if I do I almost have to beg my husband's family for help.

I live in Canada and we have provincially funded home care which sometimes works but not always.
I have asthma and at times I have to go into hospital.

I really don't have backup and an agency for 24 hours a day costs around $300.00
We can't afford that at all.
Don't know what will happen when I get too old. I guess he will have to go to a nursing home,which makes me very sad
Good luck to you

Laura you gave me an idea the next time I get sick. I will call his brother and have him come to bring food and sit with him. Sometimes I am not good at asking for help.

The problem is that if we don't take care of ourselves, then who will take over, like you said, probably a nursing home.

Have a good rest of the day.

Betsy

Hi Betsy
I am not good at asking for help either,but I learned that asking my husband's family is pretty useless,so I will only ask if I have no other choice.

They always say they have to work or they are too busy.
Not sure what they think I do.

Caregiving is the hardest thing I have ever done

boy ladies, it the hardest thing to do!! I truly don't understand why his family wont help. I once told his brother "I didn't sign up for this" and his brother actually told me I did the minute I said "I do". I have a new outlook in life and caregiving. My sister's pretty much took care of my dad to the end. I would hear about doctor appointments and such but never really knew. But the one thing was they had each other. I have no one. His kids life about 1 hour away and believe me they stay away. When they do visit (last visit was father's day and only his son's family came) they want food, drinks and to be entertained. not coming to help. It's actually harder on me when they come because it adds to my work load, not taking away from it.
hugs. Arlene

My husband was disabled when we got married.So they just say you knew that so what did you expect?

What I expected was a bit of help ,but I have come to understand that they will never help much,so I have kind of stopped asking.

You did not state how old hubby is. Look into respite, hire home care help, call Medicaid or Social Security, council on Aging ?? someone will have information about local respite program, each county is different.

Some churches can help or someone else might know of a nurse looking to make extra money

I don't get sick per sae, however I deal with a great deal of pain and it doesn't matter, if she expects me to do something for her, I do it. My youngest son accidently threw me off of a jet ski going 35 miles an hour a few years ago and my back has never been the same. I also have 3 other back problems, Fibromyalgia, and Chronic Anemia. The other day I was in such pain that it hurt to take a step down on my feet, and I couldn't bend over. I have to walk my dog Anny 3 times a day so my mother figures I can take care of her too. Anny is dependent on me, my mother doesn't have to be 24/7. Some days can be very difficult. Hugs GB

Just want to give you an update. I ended up in the hospital with a burst appendix and was just released yesterday. My children hired a caregiver for my husband and so now I have help. We may end up keeping the caregiver and yes, it does get expensive but my son and I will share the cost. It seems the time is right. I am normally a very healthy person but you never know what can happen. I am still dealing with this problem and have a drainage bag attached to me so if all the infection goes away, I won't have to have surgery.
Thanks for all your support.
Betsy

What good news about the kids hiring help & sorry about you getting sick. I am glad you are on the mend!
It's unfortunate that sometimes it takes extraordinary circumstances to bring a family together to do the right thing.
Hugs to you! MelodyJane